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Getting ready to face the music, need words of hope and encouragement

Old 12-04-2013, 10:03 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Fandy View Post
i'm with Mom....she recognizes that support trumps punishment. You feel bad, you fight with yourself, you seem to want "punishment" so you can pull yourself up?
i remember that your father is very strict and where he works.. you are not seeing this?.
you're an only child and they treasure you...they don't want to lose you.
Under-o, take the life preserver, climb into the boat....get out of your head...you still have a choice here.
it won't always be that way, that's a fact.
i don't buy into the whole powerless thing...but i accept the fact that i cannot drink, because once i start,, i don't WANT to stop, but it was a long time getting to this point.
You have so much potential to succeed, you are going to let a liquid beverage control your life? it will steal everything.
I hate being babied though, I hate having things handed to me.. I like to fix my own problems I don't like help. truth be told I'm still a child I'm immature I need to grow up. I want to be hard and independent, mature and wise. Right now I'm just a weak little bitch. Rehab is for rich people or people who can't do it on their own.. or people in there against their will
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Old 12-04-2013, 11:21 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by underoath View Post
I hate being babied though, I hate having things handed to me.. I like to fix my own problems I don't like help. truth be told I'm still a child I'm immature I need to grow up. I want to be hard and independent, mature and wise. Right now I'm just a weak little bitch. Rehab is for rich people or people who can't do it on their own.. or people in there against their will
Just my opinion, but I think rehab is for the lucky ones. The ones who have the opportunity to go. I wish I could have gone to rehab over a decade ago. Who knows what great things I could have accomplished had I not spent so many years destroying myself and being dysfunctional. Not having the opportunity to go to rehab with one of my many addictions has left me jumping from one to another, and now I try to address my sht but it's in slow motion. I think it's for the lucky ones who are mature enough to go in and take care of this mess in an accelerated fashion, then get out and take charge of the life they are supposed to have and become the person they have the potential to be.

Doing it on your own is safe. There's nothing to keep you accountable, so you don't really have to do the hard work. Getting help is not being babied, it's being brave, aware of your condition, and going for it. Refusing to change and doing it over and over on your own is babying yourself. You're not alone, because I did that for way too long.

Since you are saying you don't like to be babied - you can bet your mother IS disappointed, and worse than that she is probably devastated but trying to be stoic for your sake. I gather you are young, smart, loved, and talented - it's time to be brave, change things up, meet your potential. That will probably involve being vulnerable and not doing it on your own. Just my two cents.
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Old 12-05-2013, 01:11 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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It's like I have split personalities or some ****.... there's one part of me that's all about doing what I know is right, and the other that's just all about doing what I know is wrong and having "fun." When I was sober, the addictive voice inside my head was a small one... once in a while it would chime in but I would get through it and be grateful for staying sober. Right now, the roles are flipped. I live my day thinking about how I'm going to get ****** up, and occasionally something deep down will say "don't do this, this isn't what you want in the grand scheme of things." but I ignore it and it passes, and I keep going on about my business. Of course I need some sort of brainwashing. I want to want to quit using/drinking. But right now my only desire is to keep on... but if I would be willing to bite the bullet to get that motivation back, the desire to live sober.... I would do whatever it takes to rid myself of this ailment, but right now it's in control, and it knows how to manifest itself in all the right ways to keep me coming back for more
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Old 12-05-2013, 01:53 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by underoath View Post
Does anyone here use 12 step programs and do they work? I have so many flaws, self consciousness, resentments, I care too much what others think, the list goes on. These are but a few defects of character I need to take care of if I want to enjoy sobriety...
Everyone has defects of character. No one is perfect. Just do your best and don't beat yourself up. You are worth more than that.
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Old 12-05-2013, 01:55 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Don't confuse yourself with your addiction UO.

I did a lot of stuff as an addict I'm not proud of.

While I take responsibility for that, I also know thats not the real me - it was, I'd still be doing the same things.

It's easy to beat yourself up - but your addiction will feed on that.

Your mom sees the real you - feel blessed...not all of us had good parents

D
I love this post
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Old 12-05-2013, 02:00 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by underoath View Post
I hate being babied though, I hate having things handed to me.. I like to fix my own problems I don't like help. truth be told I'm still a child I'm immature I need to grow up. I want to be hard and independent, mature and wise. Right now I'm just a weak little bitch. Rehab is for rich people or people who can't do it on their own.. or people in there against their will
I wish you could find some self-esteem. I was like you. Self-loathing and all that.

You are lucky to have support in your family. You may think you are a bitch but I am a nagging witch. As I say to most young people, please get well and finish your education. You are smart and can have a wonderful future. If I had my time over, I would have got well sooner and got myself an education, so important. But one step at a time. Get well first and good luck. You deserve it.
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Old 12-05-2013, 02:34 AM
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UO, many people find AA and other 12 step programs very helpful. I, too, attended AA and put together (first) 8 years, (then) 3 years and (finally 4 years) with relapses in between. Never did figure out why I kept relapsing....although each sponsor would ask me to try to figure out why I did it. The BB talks about "blank spots" prior to taking that first drink (again). That was me..."blank spots". I worked the steps 3 times...and I REALLY worked them. Then I moved out of the country and there are no meetings where I live. So, of course I relapsed (although I am sure that I was planning it), and am now on day 51 Not going to do AA this time....using SR, mainly and it is working! (Although I do have the underlying background of AA as support as well). I am not sure I believe in the powerlessness anymore, either....but, hey....use whatever works for YOU! I kinda agree with Hawkeye...you have to acknowledge that your recovery is up to you. I was always a functional alcoholic...good job, home, etc. Masters and doctorate degrees...the works...but alcohol does not discriminate. Glad you were honest with your family, and....more importantly....yourself. Hang in there...you can do this! AND....it is soooooo worth it! Sobriety is sooooo much better for me than was experiencing the ramifications of my drinking.....
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Old 12-05-2013, 03:19 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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so Under-O...when will you stop talking and take action?
if you don't want to be babied into rehab the first step is not drinking TODAY, going to your doctor and telling him how much you drink and get some liver function tests run.
that would manning up?
go start applying for jobs?
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Old 12-05-2013, 03:47 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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idk. I'm already regretting the decision. Supposedly looking into treatment tomorrow. ****, I need more time
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Old 12-05-2013, 04:25 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I thought I needed more time too UO. We all do.
Time ran out for me tho - make sure you don't find yourself in the same hole.

Sometimes we can be lost, and need an outside perspective to guide us out.

There's no shame in that, and it's not babying...it's a reasoned adult decision for your own good.

D
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Old 12-05-2013, 04:25 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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First off, UO, in my opinion, alcoholism isn't a character defect. Oh yes, I had/have many character defects and some of them contributed to my addiction, but alcoholism is a disease.

Why do think you need more time? I would be quite sure that your AV is giving you that line. In the face of treatment, your AV is going to be in the forefront doing whatever it needs to survive. Recognize it.

You are so blessed to have a family that is standing by you. And, believe me you won't be getting things handed to you. Stopping drinking and Recovering will likely be the hardest work you do in your life. Embrace your family's support and stop drinking.
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Old 12-05-2013, 04:32 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by underoath View Post
idk. I'm already regretting the decision. Supposedly looking into treatment tomorrow. ****, I need more time
BULL-ony

Under-O, you can't fake it any more, it's time to shake off this underlying depression you have from drinking and walk out of the dark suffocating closet you put yourself in.

thankfully you have parents and support...you know that many do not. can you imagine how awful it is? to NOT have anyone who cares?

keep posting and please don't drink tonight.
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Old 12-05-2013, 04:46 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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I can't stop I've tried that's what detox will be for so I'm going to enjoy my last few drinks while I can, because the fun comes to an end tomorrow
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Old 12-05-2013, 05:04 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Do yourself a favor and just throw the booze out right now. Detox sucks and you might as well start and get it over with. That is where I am right now and I am miserable. However, I know that this will pass and then the real battle begins. I too have tried AA and don't really like it so I guess that is another reason I am giving this a shot. While some meetings are nice and even kid-friendly, most the time they stress me out more and bring on cravings. I don't have a lot of friends or family but my eight year-old son is a real sweetheart by writing me little notes not to drink and throws out any booze he finds. I've been working around this the last month and I am not proud of it. The worst part is having him miss out on stuff cause I am too drunk or hungover. For example, he would miss Judo tonight if it wasn't canceled because of snow. Just remember that we are all here for you and are proud of the way you want to better yourself. Blessed be.
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Old 12-05-2013, 05:10 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SingleDad421 View Post
Do yourself a favor and just throw the booze out right now. Detox sucks and you might as well start and get it over with. That is where I am right now and I am miserable. However, I know that this will pass and then the real battle begins. I too have tried AA and don't really like it so I guess that is another reason I am giving this a shot. While some meetings are nice and even kid-friendly, most the time they stress me out more and bring on cravings. I don't have a lot of friends or family but my eight year-old son is a real sweetheart by writing me little notes not to drink and throws out any booze he finds. I've been working around this the last month and I am not proud of it. The worst part is having him miss out on stuff cause I am too drunk or hungover. For example, he would miss Judo tonight if it wasn't canceled because of snow. Just remember that we are all here for you and are proud of the way you want to better yourself. Blessed be.
My daughter used to pour bottles down the sink when I was asleep and look after her little brother. It all started when she was around three, but stopped when she was nine and it wasn't too late. We have a great relationship now.
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Old 12-05-2013, 05:14 PM
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Kids are too cool. I almost got mad at my kiddo one time he did it but I reminded myself I told him to do it. Another reason I want to quit is because it's going to be hard enough raising a teenager and I don't want him hating me anymore than he's going to. Right now he's sound asleep on my bed. This stresses him out too....
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Old 12-06-2013, 12:45 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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honestly is the easiest thing to remember.....I bet your family will support you and we will too......keep us up do date!
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Old 12-06-2013, 02:34 AM
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UO...more time for what??? To drink??? Wow....life is SO much better sober! Singledad...and others...about kids...I got sober for the first time when my girls were about 4 and 6....but this was after the HOUSKEEPER was hiding my booze (in hopes that I wouldn't drink...I guess...ha!) Never hid my alcohol. Actually was sober until my oldest was in her senior year in high school. Then relapsed. It was rough on them...but, thank goodness I didn't "stay out" long before getting sober yet again. Teenage years REQUIRE a sober parent...LOL...all the best!
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Old 12-13-2013, 02:13 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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I just got out of detox, now looking at 5 weeks of outpatient.
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Old 12-13-2013, 02:23 PM
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How do you feel UO?
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