Tinah

Hello everyone Happy Thanksgiving! I haven't been here in a while, I've been in therapy for 4 months. See a therapist every 2 weeks and doctor once a month. I was sober of alcohol for 2 months then drank for 2 days then back again. Im not sure my doctor says I may be bipolar or schizoaffective I get a lot of meds. im on Seroquel from the clinic 200 mg. I pay for gabapentin, celexa and Ativan.
she recently put me on Ritalin. I,m not good with telling people my problems.so I get nervous , I told her that Ritalin makes me more productive,but forget to tell her it makes me manic. Anyway it was my motive to drink a lot today and use Ritalin to make me be able to complete a whole thanksgiving dinner, clean the kitchen spotless and now be on the computer. Holidays are hard for me I know that i'll use the Ativan to get over my hangover tomorrow. I know I won't continue to drink. The clinic is trying to get me on Medicaid. I need direction not just someone to write me scrips for meds. they don't address my mental issues just more meds that I can abuse, which I am starting to do.

Dee74

Welcome back tinah

Last time if I remember you were trying not to drink at all?

Sounds like quite a bind you're in - whenever I was relying on drugs and booze to get me through anything, a crash was never far away. It's pretty inevitable.

do you think it would be better for you in the long run if your were totally honest with your Drs about whats going on? They may not be so script happy then?

D

Tinah

I am very honest with them. I have social anxiety. I just get nervous with people in authority. I have started making a journal of my feelings at the time . The pdoc never even asks me about sobriety she just rushes me through and writes me scrips. I told her that the Ritalin was making me more productive, because I was having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. she upped the Ritalin to 3 a day and wrote me a scrip for 180 pills she's going to be out for 2 months. I just needed a break and drank today and knew that these pills would help me get everything done . I know I shouldn't be drinking but I'm still not over the " oh I can drink a couple" doesn't work. I used to snort cocaine to make me be able to drink more this is almost the same thing. anything for more booze how sad any advice is helpful

Dee74

I read this a little differently perhaps.

If it's a memory thing or you being flustered, it's good you're writing things down for next time

I think, if you have a lot of issues it's important to address all of them.

If you don't think your alcoholism is being addressed right now maybe a recovery group like AA or something similar might help?

D

Tamerua

Hi Tinah, glad you're here. I think the best wAy to address all of the mental stuff and be on the right meds is to stop alcohol altogether. My son is bipolar and it was he'll getting his meds right, I couldn't imagine adding alcohol into that mix. And if you feel your doc is rushing you, speak up, it's your health. I'm jealous of your journaling, I'm terrible at keeping that up consistently.

Tinah

My therapist and I talked about group and AA. I have a hard time being around other people. Ativan gets me out of the house. I have severs paranoia and agoraphobia. My therapist asked about my sobriety, but as long as I pass the drug test every month, I'm fine. They seem to focus on the mental illness, which I am happy about, because I have always self medicated with alcohol and never knew why. So all this medicine is new to me. I just cant figure out why they would prescribe an alcoholic 180 Ritalin and 60 Ativan at a time.

Tinah

I have been doing really good with my sobriety until today. I just needed a break. I feel like Elvis sometimes. They have me up then down then sleep then up again. I'm a mess, the problem is I don't even know my diagnosis. I just take medicine. I am agoraphobic so when I get around people especially of authority (PTSD) I freeze up. This is my first break of sobriety in 2 months. The thing I do know is this is a one night thing I will not go on another binge.

Tamerua

That's good to hear Tinah. keep working at it.

Leana

Neither can I. Maybe it might be time to get a 2nd opinion.

Tinah

I don't have insurance, trying to get on Medicaid. This is all I can get

Dee74

There are a lot of free or low cost clinics around - if there's one in your local area you might get some medical advice there?

Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics
2-1-1 Call Center Search

Tinah

Thanks for the support. Tomorrow is another day.

Tinah

I am at a sliding income clinic right now. They are the ones trying to help me get Medicaid in my state. I live in one of the toughest states to get Medicaid or disability.

Tinah

oh and they also give me 90 Seroquel 150's ata time

Tinah

No matter how much meds, I always drank thinking it would be the last day' but it just never ends

ScottFromWI

I think you need to find a different doctor at a low cost or free clinic if you can. The cocktail of various drugs you are taking in conjunction with drinking could be pretty dangerous. I also think you are headed the wrong way by drinking to "take a break" from sobriety. Sobriety is the break...alcohol is the problem.

Best of luck, if nothing else hopefully you can get another medical opinion.

Tinah

drinking was always my crutch. I haven't been drinking only today. Didn't take my meds today. waiting and hoping I get Medicaid. then maybe resolution

Mountainmanbob

had more than one doctor in the old days
that would write me a prescription for most anything and everything
if
I would keep coming back to see them for yet another office visit

as I look back today I see where
I was using them
and
they were using me

please seek out some sound moral medical advice
and be very careful
sounds like with the combination of drugs and booze you have going
your life could be in jeopardy

Mountainman

ScottFromWI

Quitting drinking doesn't cost anything. Support is free here and locally too. I always thought drinking was my crutch too, until I realized it was actually the cause of most of my problems, not the solution.

Tinah

fortunately I haven't been drinking til today. I know I shouldn't be drinking on my meds. tomorrow i'm back to sobriety. But I thimk if I am sober With all the meds i'm on