malcolmsloan

Keep resisting! I'm rooting for you too. It sounds like you are putting up a pretty good fight. keep it up.

sholtokiwi

I went to 7-11 and bought two tall boys, and drank both of them. What I noticed is, in the beginning, drinking them made me feel really good, happy, and euphoric. However, after a little while, maybe drinking for 15 minutes, that feeling slowly lost it's intensity, until I no longer felt euphoric. I kept drinking from the tall boys, believing that if I continued drinking, I would feel good again. But, the initial buzz did not last, and I no longer felt "amazing". I finished drinking both tall boys, and now...I feel very sleepy, my eyes are heavy, I feel a little slow and dumb...Overall, I really don't feel any better than when I was sober. I think that for me, the most addictive part of drinking alcohol is that buzz you get in the beginning, when you still haven't consumed much alcohol. That 15-minute or so interval when I get that amazing feeling is what brings me back to the bottle, but after that 15 minutes is up, I don't feel good. Hm... Well, I hope that I remember that next time I feel an urge to drink...

It's funny to think that a short high can have such a strong grasp on me, and control me. I hope that I continue to use this site and seek support from my friends and family. I pray that things do not get worse.

Some nights I tell myself I'll only have two tall boys, and I end up having 6. Tonight is not one of those nights.

Dee74

another good thing to remember or note for the future is those hours when you were posting actively here today you didn't drink.

D

sholtokiwi

Dee74, I don't understand your point. Can you explain?

sholtokiwi

Oh, did you point that out to make me realize that when I spend time on this forum, I am discouraged from drinking?

ZeldaFan

I'm almost at 3 months since I started my sober journey. I slipped 3 times in October for a total of 6 lost days over my 3 months. After the last slip, I realized drinking wasn't fun anymore. I didn't enjoy it when I was doing it and I felt horrible and full of anxiety the next day. I have held onto that experience and it keeps me sober.

Sounds like you had that "drinking isn't fun anymore" realization tonight. Our AV likes to build it up in our heads to be such a wonderful thing and, when we realize it's not, that AV starts to lose out.

Remember how you felt tonight drinking and how it didn't really bring you any pleasure. Next time you have a craving, call on that memory and it will help you to stay grounded.

Get some sleep and start fresh tomorrow.

Dee74

yep.
I spent a lot of time here on SR in the early days, cos I knew I'd have done the same thing you did if I let my AV get a word in.

sholtokiwi

thanks ZeldaFan, that's a great point. I'm gonna get all my stuff ready for work tomorrow and get some rest. Good night

Carlotta

well tomorrow is a new day and trying to talk you out of drinking kept me sober. Feel free to sign in at the 24hrs club tomorrow, we'd love to have you join us.

AdmimalBlueEyes

I m bi polar as well though havnt taken my meds in months , no highs or lows only side effect Was no more bad dreams and not feeling suicidal , I'm not at all saying you should quite taking your meds . just for me I didn't have a choice .
bust wanted to say that a friend of mine once described seraquel as the date rape drug , having taken both I can definetly verify her claim .
I found it trigered and enhanced my desire to drink till I pass out . for me it was part of the problem not the cure .
remember that all these drugs effect others diferently , so be honest with your doctor if you find. You enjoy one in a unhealthy way then you have to comunicate that with your doctor .
good luck

Vandermast

sorry to hear you feel this way mate.....there is some good advice here......holidays are bad news in early sobriety...remember why you are here and keep your resolve.

we are here for you..v

sholtokiwi

I just woke up. I'm not sure how I feel. I am really tired, and my eyes are pretty heavy, but I'm unsure of how much the alcohol is responsible for that. The three days that I woke up sober, I think I felt better. I had a stronger, more confident, more refreshing start to the day, and feeling of self worth. The negative effects of having two tall boys last night isn't easily apparent to me, but I think, THINK, that I feel better when I simply don't drink at all.

Carlotta

Well it is obvious that you are not through with drinking. Knowing that you did ok last night with only two, you are bound to do it again. When you are ready to accept that you are an alcoholic and can never drink safely again and be ok with it, you will be able to stay sober. Until then, you will have the same kind of struggle over and over again and the "tall boys" will always win.
Stick around and keep trying though, you never know when it might just "stick"

sholtokiwi

Well that's pretty morbid...

Dee74

I don't think it's morbid.

It's just an honest message from someone who's been farther down the road, Sholto.
It gets mighty black down there.

what are you going to do to make sure this doesn't happen again?

D

foolsgold66

Carlotta's posts can seem negative to some, I find her candor and brevity helpful. She's calling 'em as she sees them. When I'm on the ledge, I want her there telling me to jump or come back in already.

Odds are, she's right. We have walked in your shoes, that's what this place is for, to help you skip some of the pain and struggle many of us have encountered.

Straight up, your situation, simple logic, people without an alcohol problem don't need to post on a message board about their difficulty with deciding on running out to the store for some beer.

Have you done quite a bit of reading here? If not, I will suggest that you do so. You will likely begin to see yourself in some of the posts. Some of them will also tell you of experiences caused by drinking you don't want to have.

I wish you well
I choose not to drink today
FG

MythOfSisyphus

Well, either she's right or she's wrong. If you really are an alcoholic then she's right. Your drinking will get worse and worse until you really have no control over it at all. It's progressive, and the longer you keep drinking the worse it gets. No one here is trying to discourage you, we're all trying to hit you with a big fat dose of truth. Some things get better on their own; if you have a cold, just rest a bit and eventually it will go away. A headache will clear up on its own. But alcoholism is not like that. It will not go away on its own. It will get worse and worse until you die or quit.

Not everyone has the exact same trajectory nor do we all fall at the same rate. But I can tell you from my own experience that I couldn't have drank for more than a few years longer before I started seriously damaging myself.

There's a kind of checklist you follow when you first begin to fear your drinking. It's not a very honest list, though...it's a bunch of stuff that real drunks do that you don't, and since you don't you're not a real drunk. For me the things that made you a real drunk included:

-Drinking in the morning
-Drinking hard liquor straight with no mixer
-Missing work because you're too drunk
-Getting DUIs

For a long time I was just fine because I didn't do those things. But of course, eventually I started doing them. One night I couldn't sleep so I got up an mixed a few drinks. The writing was on the wall.