joey8262

hiya folks-back once again, not the same old this time though-I have been fine for the last few months, kept myself busy, been my old self-BUT.

2 weeks ago, nightmare to end all nightmares-my nephew was expecting his 1st son, 4 weeks to go, and he died-pre-eclamplsia, I was helpless-my nephew means the world to me and to see him going through that just made me want to die, I done the "everything happens for a reason" thing, but it never worked-it was his funeral yesterday-I couldn't face it-I picked up a drink instead-I didn't want to, it just seemed the lesser of two evils.

so, here I am now-back again, at the point I'm asking myself why-I know I can be strong, but asking myself why stuff like this affects me so badly and why I keep picking up a can-my brain is hurting, along with my feelings-and I don't know what to do about it now, I thought I'd beaten the b***ard that had me under it's control, it seems I haven't.

Skye2

I'm really sorry to hear about your nephew I'm sure you'll pull back from this awful tragedy. Be strong Xx
Sometimes, there really are no words, but i'm sure your nephew knows you are there if he needs to talk.

KateL

Yeah, you'll be ok. It is so understandable. I still wonder how I would react to a terrible tragedy, God forbid. I honestly feel it is the only thing that might push me over the edge. Who knows? Sorry for your loss x

joey8262

he knows I am, but who's there for me-I've been here before-a 2 year old who died from meningitis, I had to be there through that as well and prop people up, I've had COUNTLESS nightmares with exes etc, which have put me off women for life-I just feel SO ANGRY with the way things are-you would NOT believe what I've been through, I've posted various bits on here since 2008-so that should tell you-AND AM NOT ASKING FOR SYMPATHY, I JUST NEED TO STOP FEELING LIKE THIS.

Skye2

There are thousands of us right here for you Sometimes a good cry helps you know.

joey8262

have cried a river skye, seen the photos of him in his little babygro-listened to his song ( ed sheeran, little bump ) it's HEARTBREAKING to listen to that now.

I haven't needed to for a while-but for HIM I'm going to go to a meeting tomorrow-I owe him, and myself-that much.

Skye2

That's a brilliant idea - dedicate it to him. I've done similar things in the past and dedicated it to people, it really does help. I really do feel so sorry that this has happened to you.
Might be an idea to leave that song alone for now - no point in torturing yourself, yeah?

mecanix

Joey i've got no great words of wisdom . Sometimes life is the pits .
I hope you keep sobriety as your goal and get through mate .

m

joey8262

mec, I was doing great, and then this happened-my world come crashing down-I have another nephew and I WORSHIP the ground he walks on-when you see a child gone and there's nothing you can do about it-it makes you appreciate the ones you have around you more.

this has all happened in the space of 10-12 days, death to cremation-not a good thing, but it makes you realise.

what god says that this is normal ?

joey8262

who's got a number for jean, or the lady who used to organise the calendars for meetings ? haven't had one emailed to me for a while-am going to do this now-I don't it once, I WILL again.

wiscsober

I am sorry to hear of this...my thoughts are with the mother and your family. Stay strong.

Skye2

Joey - here's a link to your local groups... Regional & Local Websites (new) | Members | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd

joey8262

thanks skye-i used to get like a spreadsheet with numbers etc.

I don't know if it's changed-thanks all the same though

joey8262

been out, got more beer-asked myself do I want it ????

I don't want it-I dunno whether it's willpower or the fact that it makes me feel sick drinking it-I don't really care to be honest-I just know I don't want it.

it might make me feel better tonight........ it's going to make me feel like **** tomorrow-I don't want that-I WILL be back in the morning.

PurpleKnight

The decision isn't a foregone conclusion, If you don't want it, chuck it out or put it aside and have a soda/tea etc . . . you need to take a leap of faith Joey!!

Skye2

Joey, how about a compromise? You know the beer is there if you want it later on, so how about leaving it to one side for an hour or so and getting something to eat and a coffee or something for now

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss Joey.

But you know - drinking doesn't help - it doesn't take the pain away - it just pushes it to one side, at most, for a few hours.

I've drunk at myself before too, in a punishing way - I could never understand why bad things happened to others, and I was still here.
I still don't understand, but I've stopped wiping myself out, because it doesn't help.

Grieving hurts - but it's a thing we have to go through to get to the other side

D

awuh1

I would attempt to focus on others around you who are also experiencing their own grief. Puzzle over what you can do to make their lives just the slightest bit better. Not just with what you can say in order to be as comforting as possible, but with acts of kindness. Ya know, little things. Run an errand for someone or wash their car. That sort of thing. Focus on what you can do to make THEIR lives better.

Typically the consequence is that it will help you, but that’s not the reason you should do it.

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