Tales of an Alcoholic Living in Blue Law State
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
Tales of an Alcoholic Living in Blue Law State
So my state is a blue law state. That means liquor is only sold in state stores. It was only a few years ago that you could even buy liquor on a Sunday.
So the holidays were always dreadful to me because the state stores were closed. I had to plan in advance and stock up, depending how how many days in the row the stores would be closed.
I never wanted to buy too much, because the denial of my alcoholism pushed me to believe that if I only bought x amount, then I didn't have a problem. But at the same time, the fear of running out during the holidays was petrifying.
And of course I would drink all day and night. I had nothing better to do, considering I pushed away all my friends and family. I was lucky to even get invited to Thanksgiving. I never drank too much in front of my family, but I was always itching to get home so I could drown myself in vodka.
A few times, I ran out before the state stores reopened. So I would walk miles to find an open deli or market that sold individual cans of beer. Of course beer never really cut it for me, but it was better than the alternative: drinking whatever I could find around the house that contained alcohol.
Now, it feels so nice to be free of that life. No more planning and hoarding. No more worry if I had enough to make it through the holiday. Today is just another day to enjoy sober. I walked by a liquor store on the way home from my physical therapy today and saw the sign that said they would be closed until Monday. That sign used to be my enemy. Now I can just smile and know it no longer factors into my life.
I am so thankful today. I have exactly 8 months sober on the day for thanks.
So the holidays were always dreadful to me because the state stores were closed. I had to plan in advance and stock up, depending how how many days in the row the stores would be closed.
I never wanted to buy too much, because the denial of my alcoholism pushed me to believe that if I only bought x amount, then I didn't have a problem. But at the same time, the fear of running out during the holidays was petrifying.
And of course I would drink all day and night. I had nothing better to do, considering I pushed away all my friends and family. I was lucky to even get invited to Thanksgiving. I never drank too much in front of my family, but I was always itching to get home so I could drown myself in vodka.
A few times, I ran out before the state stores reopened. So I would walk miles to find an open deli or market that sold individual cans of beer. Of course beer never really cut it for me, but it was better than the alternative: drinking whatever I could find around the house that contained alcohol.
Now, it feels so nice to be free of that life. No more planning and hoarding. No more worry if I had enough to make it through the holiday. Today is just another day to enjoy sober. I walked by a liquor store on the way home from my physical therapy today and saw the sign that said they would be closed until Monday. That sign used to be my enemy. Now I can just smile and know it no longer factors into my life.
I am so thankful today. I have exactly 8 months sober on the day for thanks.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Congras on 8 months! That is awesome!
Yes, I can't believe all the effort went into making sure I had enough booze. It was exhausting juggling everything just in order to drink.
Life is so much simpler sober!
Yes, I can't believe all the effort went into making sure I had enough booze. It was exhausting juggling everything just in order to drink.
Life is so much simpler sober!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
Brilliant post, thanks digdug. Fascinating too, to an Aussie (who also watched the fabulous series 'Prohibition' and 'Boardwalk Empire'), that the States still have these State-run stores. Absolutely fascinating...
the nearest thing us Aussie drunks have re your panicking (when drinking - me too, an all-day type) is Anzac Day when most booze shops don't open till about 10 or even midday. Can't remember right now. And Christmas Day, usually about 10 am. And 10 am. every Sunday. Teeth grinding stuff if you'd run out...
Afloat: jeepers, there I was thinking I'd heard pretty much everything about the 'real' drink alternatives. Surgical spirit and milk? Wow. Urk! :-)
the nearest thing us Aussie drunks have re your panicking (when drinking - me too, an all-day type) is Anzac Day when most booze shops don't open till about 10 or even midday. Can't remember right now. And Christmas Day, usually about 10 am. And 10 am. every Sunday. Teeth grinding stuff if you'd run out...
Afloat: jeepers, there I was thinking I'd heard pretty much everything about the 'real' drink alternatives. Surgical spirit and milk? Wow. Urk! :-)
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Great post, and a trip down "memory lane"! Been there, too. There's no fear quite so chilling to an alcoholic like the fear of running out. I used to stockpile a little bit and keep something for "an emergency". Often that was some liquor; since I didn't care as much for liquor I could often leave it for a week and not drink it. Plus I could rationalize that it could be used for cooking (eg vodka for alla penne).
The worst days were when I had nothing in the house but resolved early in the day that I wouldn't drink. My resolve would get weaker the closer it got to the 2:00 am cutoff for buying booze. I lost count of how many times I caved and tore off to the store at 1:45 to sneak in under the wire.
Bad days, and better left in the past.
The worst days were when I had nothing in the house but resolved early in the day that I wouldn't drink. My resolve would get weaker the closer it got to the 2:00 am cutoff for buying booze. I lost count of how many times I caved and tore off to the store at 1:45 to sneak in under the wire.
Bad days, and better left in the past.
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
I'm glad I don't have to go through all of the "strategic planning" anymore. I can remember many times saving a couple of beers until morning so I could feel better when I woke up. Especially if I couldn't buy alcohol until noon on Sunday.
Sober since March 21, 2013
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 262
Congratulations on eight sober months digdug.
Your post reminded me of the endless fear and panic of running low at closing time. Feels so good to leave those times far in the past.
I just passed my eight months sober date November 21.
With the help of SR, and post like yours, I'm looking forward to a SOBER 2014.
It will be the first sober year I have had in decades.
Your post reminded me of the endless fear and panic of running low at closing time. Feels so good to leave those times far in the past.
I just passed my eight months sober date November 21.
With the help of SR, and post like yours, I'm looking forward to a SOBER 2014.
It will be the first sober year I have had in decades.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 639
Thank you for the post and congratulations on 8 months. It amazed me tonight to see how many bars were open. Yeah I used to stockpile beer because I couldn't buy it on Sundays. Same deal on holidays. I actually did get comments from liquor store workers over the amount I was buying but I didn't care. I relate to the post mentioning getting beer right before closing time after swearing it off for the day too. I have gotten more into this site recently I think because I see myself in many nember's experiences. Tough but grateful to be sober this Thanksgiving.
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