Black Bird

Hi all. I have been in AA for over 7mo. Continuous sobriety for over three months. I feel so good and happy where I'm at right now. I went out to eat the other night, and for a brief moment when I saw a glass of beer, I thought, that looks good. I immediately was able to stop that thought and think of how good my life is without alcohol.

I shared this at a meeting with my sponser. After the meeting she told me I should have called her. Maybe I should have, but I was fine. She then told me that I must tell her when I have drinking thoughts, and since I'm so early in recovery, if I don't have them often, she would think something is wrong.

Here's the thing. I don't have drinking thoughts hardly at all. I have a really good life. I am happy 90% of the time. I am finding it harder to relate to those in the program.

I am not leaving AA, I feel it is giving me wonderful tools for life.
But do I belong?
Sometimes I feel I have to make up problems to fit in, or not be wrong. Weird, I know.
I love going to my counsler, I believe I have needed one for a long time. She is helping me so much with self esteem, boundaries, etc...
I guess, I'm wondering if I am really an alcoholic, or if I drank because I felt no self esteem and drinking falsely helped that?
No matter the answer, I do not want alcohol in my life ever.
Am I thinking addictive thoughts, or what? How do you see it.
Thanks

doggonecarl

Seven months in AA with only three months sobriety...

Respect the addiction.

seahorse661

Hi Blackbird,
I have been sober 7 months and I have had two occasions of what I would call 'obsessive thoughts' and maybe 5 other times where I have given alcohol more than a passing thought, so I disagree with your sponsor that you *should* be having drinking thoughts.

I am also completely content with my life and wonder if I am doing something wrong when I hear of others struggles in meetings.
I just enjoy my sobriety, knowing that I may too find maintaining it difficult at some stage, and so I keep up with meetings and therapy to keep my support system in place.

I don't think there's anything wrong with your progress, enjoy it!

MeSoSober

I don't know for sure, but I'd say that whatever led you to AA in the first place is a very strong indicator that you belong now and always will regardless of how you feel today.

To some extent I understand the not relating to other problem drinkers because I don't have frequent cravings for alcohol. The thing is, my total lack of a stop button when I DO drink has had devastating consequences, and that and my desire to quit is what makes me "belong" with everyone else.

Congratulations on your three months!

Black Bird

Thank you Mesosober. I love your name. That's what I was thinking. When I drink, I can't stop. I know this about me. It is my reality. So, I guess I do belong.

chaili05

Good for you, coming to that conclusion. At that point, who cares about labels "alcoholic"- you notice you can't control your drinking when you start, and that's enough.

Also, when you said that "or if I drank because I felt no self esteem and drinking falsely helped that" I couldn't help but think that's common amongst alcoholics and nonalcoholics alike. When I was drinking, I didn't drink simply because I was an alcoholic- I was depressed, anxious, felt like I didn't belong and alcohol helped make me feel comfortable around people... however that doesn't mean I don't have a drinking problem. That means I abused a substance in order to alter my mind to help my own underlying issues.

Maybe you're having more of an issue in regards to relating to your sponsor... that's something you could explore and maybe see if you relate more to someone else? Just a thought I've never had a sponsor so I don't know too much!

MeSoSober

Thanks. It's a play on the famous line from Full Metal Jacket. :-)

You definitely don't want to get to a point where the consequences of your drinking speak for themselves as to whether or not you belong in AA or any other treatment program! :-)

Keep up the good work!

Black Bird

Thanks Seahorse, I intend to keep counsling and AA for the same reasons you stated. And for the people who I call friends now. I do have issues...lol Making friends, being a selfish person, etc...and I work everyday at those. My life is just really happy and drama free at the moment. I call my sponser to say hi and tell her I'm good...nothing really eles to say. But, like you said, who knows what might come up and support may be needed.

hypochondriac

I think your sponsor was probably well intentioned but it comes across wrong... no one should be telling you how you should be feeling and what you should be experiencing... but perhaps she just intended to let you know that it is normal to have those thoughts and you shouldn't be embarrassed to admit to them.

I can really relate to your post as I was always a minimiser of my drinking issues and constantly wondered if I belonged. The truth is though that no one but me has ever questioned that. Try not to worry too much about if you are actually an alcoholic or not. It doesn't really matter. What counts is what you do. If you are happy most of the time then that's great but there may come a time when you need that support and the work you are doing now will pay off. Congrats on 3 months x

Black Bird

Thank you everyone. Your words have got me thinking. One of my personal issues is always feeling like I don't belong. I have felt that my whole life. Even in my own family. I can see that maybe my sponser was just reassuring me that haveing thoughts like that are normal for an alcoholic. But for a person like me who has issues with belonging to the words, if I don't have those thoughts something would be wrong, and took them personally? She also said in early recovery everything isn't always fine and dandy. Well, I agree...but for me, most of the time it is fine and dandy. Thanks for helping me through these thoughts.

Black Bird

Sorry about the jumbled words. Typing on my phone.

DAB

Hi Blackbird!
Congratulations on three months.
We all have thoughts like yours. Yes, they are addictive thoughts your alcoholic voice trying to convince you that maybe when the situation is just right that you can test the water again.
The important thing that you remember is how much better your life is without it.
Don't worry about labeling yourself. Stick to the facts. Events in your life have brought you to the point where you needed to abstain from alcohol. You are making great progress. As long as you are making progress you are going in the right direction. Do not become stagnant, becoming stagnant is the first step to going backwards.

Carlotta

Same here but it does not mean I am not an alcoholic

EndGameNYC

I'd be careful. Denial never leaves us completely, and it's not just denial about our drinking and our problems related to drinking.

Black Bird

Good advice EndGame. I may be seeing where the problem is. My sponser is a very popular sponser and she has a group of ladies she sponsors, myself included and it feels like a clique. They welcome me and are wonderful people. But, I am not good with cliques, especially woman. I've had the same one best friend for almost 30 years. Usually, around a bunch of woman, sad to say, but I try to find how I can be top dog. Character defect for sure. Also, I fear rejection. Last weekend my sponser had all the ladies to her house and did not invite me. I obsessed about that for about 2 days. Lol And now she says what I wrote in the op. I was wondering if I should pull back from the clique/group of ladies or not. But seeing as I am horrible with friendships, and all the emotions it gives me, I guess I should stick around and learn a thing or two. Glad you all got me thinking, also glad I have a counseling appointment today. Lol

22NGONE

The people in A.A. are just people, they have flaws like anyone else. Everyone's journey in sobriety is unique. I had very few drinking thoughts early in sobriety... I found I had them more when my addiction told me I was cured. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking so of course you belong.

jaynie04

Hi BB. My therapist told me last week that she never thought I would make it to 5 months without a program. She said it wasn't a comment on me, just odds in general. When I walked out that day I realized I could go either way with that comment. Pride in the fact that I am older than a lot of people who get sober so perhaps I know myself better, and gratitude that it has not been white knuckling, at least so far. Or a weapon that I could use against my sobriety, I can't afford to allow that door to open even a crack, and I don't want to.

I was speaking about being too pleasing here on a thread I started a few months ago. I don't recall who it was, but they mentioned that since they have been sober they are less likely to just say yes even when they don't mean it. I have found that taking ownership in a positive way for my life has been astounding...I could not have achieved this when I was thinking about drinking or hungover.

The other day I pulled up at a fast food place drive thru. I always get freaked out because they say "may I take your order" right away, and I never know what I want and I don't have time to read the menu, so I panic order. The other day I said "could I have a minute please". OMG...if I could tell you how monumental that was for me. And it was all tied in to being sober, who would have known.

Even though it is important to have support from others, we know the reasons we quit drinking. No one else could have felt the embarrassment or hangovers or preoccupation for us, and likewise no one else can truly feel our unique experience of sobriety. You should be so incredibly proud of yourself!!!!

Black Bird

Thanks so much Jaynie.

deeker

Do you have any responsibilities? Just curious? Not to be offensive. But do you have any responsibilities? Do you have a job, pay your own bills, have your own place.

It is easy to be happy in recovery with no responsibilities. It is easier to stay sober with no real responsibilities, no stressors. Are you responsible for yourself?


I lived a pretty stressfree life when I got sober in the past cuz everyone took care of me. Basically I was treated like a child and at the time I didn't mind at all. But it is something that definitely crippled me for awhile and forced me to grow up when I realized those safety nets were not always going to be there. It also crippled my self esteem. Well everything. You don't learn a whole lot when you don't have any problems or consequences.

Just curious? Not saying this is your story.

If you are not craving or obsessing, be grateful.

I believe that God can completely remove the obsession. he did mine

Mountainmanbob

I'm sure that her heart is in the right place
but
not all have drinking thoughts often in early sobriety
I would just let that remark go for now
and
keep your Sponsor
and
keep going to AA
no reason so soon in the game
to stop doing what apparently has been working just fine for us
MM