Yeah, addiction blinded me in so many, at the time, unknown ways. I was dealing with a lot back when, and when one is fighting for their life, other things get put aside. Unbelievable just how much of my past life interactions with others was simply out of focus within my survival outlook. As we quit and continue to change and learn, we begin to see life with a new set of glasses, so to speak.

Just a wild guess..but how about posting *before* you pick up? We've all done it, so not having a dig at you :)

Before I pick up what?

Alcohol or drugs. You communicate in a manner contrary to the social norms of this forum. (Use of vulgarities, being argumentative, displaying a persistent negative attitude, etc.) It has occurred to some of us that you may be under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs at this time, and that is influencing your communication style.

Smart guy, eh? I will admit that I sounded just like you. Sullen. Angry. I knew I needed help, but I didn't like any of the responses. Nothing made sense to me. I couldn't be nice, and was basically a jerk to all of my friends and significant others. All the time. Made me feel superior.

"Need help?" No. It was them who needed help. Stupid bastards. They had no clue. Dummies.

"You okay?" Yeah. I'm perfectly fine. I have supported myself through thick and thin all my life. Lived in a trailer park once. Now I have a 6-figure job. What do they know about life? Nothing. Nobody knows more than I do.

And it went on and on like that. For years. I snarked and snapped at every kind word that came my way. I never got help on my own, actually. I stuck by my guns until I was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance after having a seizure. Not the first time, mind you. But the 3rd time. I think I shat my pants that last time, ended up with 17 stitches in my tongue, nearly bit it off.

That WILL happen to you, too. You know that, right?

It took me a long time to finally give in and accept help. You are more than welcome to try it my way, pal. Good luck to ya. However, if you want to maybe listen a little bit to the kind people here, and give their advice a chance, it might at least save you a few medical bills and your pride.

All the best.

How about this:

1) What's the problem?

2) How can we help?

3) What would you like to accomplish with this thread?

I'm glad you posted, Thor. Whatever your state of mind right now, believe it or not, we understand. We've been there. That's why this is such a wonderful source of support.

There is no judgment here; we are the last people on earth to judge someone. But there are honest questions being asked of you that you are going to have to ask yourself if you want any hope of achieving sobriety. They're tough questions, to be sure, and we've asked them of ourselves too. Self examination is no fun, but it's necessary to get to the root of the problem and to find the solutions.

I hope you will continue to post and will read the responses with an open mind. We care. We really do. :)

In my experience it is alcohol that makes this a shitstained existence. Well, at least it was. The world is brighter and better without it. It is more real.

Oh, and Picking up means picking up a bottle again... a bottle with alcohol in it. The alcohol is seen as a dangerous poison here.

Let's go back to basics and keep it very simple: You cannot control your drinking and drinking is hurting you. Logic dictates you need to stop.
From your posts, it seems to me that you are not a candidate for AA but might do well with AVRT. Here are my practical suggestions:
1) Visit the Rational Recovery site
2) Get the book
3) Make a big plan
In the interim:
Dump your booze and keep reading and posting here. You will find support from people who are going through the same thing or went through similar experiences.
If you join the class of November, you will be with people who quit at the same time as you and are experiencing similar things. This will break your isolation and you will be able to help out each others http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-18.html
AVRT does not believe in the 24 hours at a time tool but especially at the beginning even if we know we are through, taking it in shorter increments can be useful to some so here is the link to the 24 hours club where we commit not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours. If you feel that would help you, we would be glad to have you join us. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...elcome-17.html

doesn't read like yer very good at self reliance when it comes to drinking or ya woulnt be here. plus the drugs thing.

open mindedness and willingness to listen to those that went before me and do what they did is whet helped me get to where I am today.

but that took ego deflation. I didn't know crap about how not to drink.

I would encourage ya to look into the suggestions given here. lots of great advise.

Thor, I understand how you feel. You can't stop because you are an addict like me. You can stop if you want to, but it is really hard. Good luck in whatever you decide Thor.

Welcome to the Forum Thor!! :)

Thor, so happy you are here. From your earlier posts you did sound a little angry, but taking this first step is scary and people react to it in different ways. Myself...I was desperate. I was all but begging for help. I was immediately immersed in friendship by people who could finish my story for me because they had all lived it in one way or the other.

SR is a place of safety where you can let your defenses down and just be the mess that you are; all without judgment. Thus is such an important part of the healing process. Say your piece and then sit back and listen. The people who respond here have "been there, done that." They have important things to share.

So glad to have you as a part of our group. I look forward to helping each other on our journeys.

You are coming across as angry and defensive. You seem to want to solve this problem on your terms, it doesn't work that way. Can we agree that you have already exhausted your best thinking and efforts before you arrived here? You might consider exploring other views with an open mind. There are many folks on here that are where you want to be, it seems reasonable to examine the path that led them to success. Not busting your balls, just my observation.

It was not my intention to insult you Thor – it was just how I see it.

Please disregard it if you can not use it, my bad.

It is about finding the method that works for one self – it can be done, you just need to find it.

Good luck. If you choose this then surely you can undo it. You seem like you know everything already.

Welcome Thor.

Some here will shake your hand, some will hold your hand, and alas some will slap your face. Most just wish to help you stop killing yourself with alcohol and drugs. Feel fee to ignore advice that isn't helpful to you. Including mine.

Addiction is not a choice - a brain that has abused any substance has been physiologically altered. Choosing to take that "first drink/drug" is a choice - but after that the body is under the influence and usually can't control the cravings. The only solution to recover for most - is not to pick up - because once you chose to pick up (drugs, alcohol) it no longer becomes a choice. I used to think like you - that didn't work out too well for me, and it took a team of dr's and recovery to really understand how complex addiction really is. You're "choice" with will power doesn't seem to be working - how about trying something that seems to work quite successfully for millions? Maybe drop the chip on your shoulder and check some of that ego at the door you might be able to accept some advice and support, if you really DO have an addiction and want to stop. Maybe you don't. There are a lot of great people and resources here to help if you do have an addiction and are struggling to stay sober/clean. Best of luck.

You seem extremely defensive What was your reason for posting on SR? It usually comes down to 3 reasons: 1. you want help 2. You are trying to justify why you can't be helped or 3. You have a need to pick a fight. So if the reason is 1. Help is available here, if its 2. You said "I can't control my drinking"; and 3. You won't get a fight on here, just support. Good Luck

Welcome Thor. However bad it seems, it can be worse. Find some positive things to do in your life, and focus on them. See if you can slow that intake down enough to take some deep breaths and get feeling a little better, more rested. Then come on back here and talk to us about your struggles, you can lean on us some, and it will help. Really. No magic promised, but if you try these few simple things you will start to get a little bit better, and then you can build on that.