The big question
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 3
The big question
I don't know where to start with this thread, what I expect, or whether I will even stay. All I know is that I hope if I am honest, I will receive some honesty in return and perhaps some support.
I'm a 30 year old woman and have always been a drinker 'heavy / frequent and at times, problem'. There have been times in life I've read about alcoholism, the warning signs, and although they've all been present I've thought 'that's not me'. I would tell myself the usual things, I can go a few days without, I hold down a job, I could stop if I wanted.. etc. Forgive me for saying this, but I would also think 'I'm not one of those people'.
This morning I've woken up feeling a change. I have just got back from a holiday with my partner, he's not a big drinker, but for the whole week we got smashed. Several times during the holiday my partner said that he needed a 'long break' from alcohol when he got home and each time he said it, I felt a sinking feeling in my chest. We've been home for three days and I met my partner for dinner last night, he asked me if I had drunk anything. I told him, no, I haven't. The truth is, alone in my house so far I have drunk half a liter of rum, 4 bottles of red wine and 3 small ciders.
The idea of stopping is terrifying, but I can't explain why. I'm not drinking for fun, in fact I don't know why I'm drinking at all. I find myself asking the big question- do I need help? and what do I do now?
I'm a 30 year old woman and have always been a drinker 'heavy / frequent and at times, problem'. There have been times in life I've read about alcoholism, the warning signs, and although they've all been present I've thought 'that's not me'. I would tell myself the usual things, I can go a few days without, I hold down a job, I could stop if I wanted.. etc. Forgive me for saying this, but I would also think 'I'm not one of those people'.
This morning I've woken up feeling a change. I have just got back from a holiday with my partner, he's not a big drinker, but for the whole week we got smashed. Several times during the holiday my partner said that he needed a 'long break' from alcohol when he got home and each time he said it, I felt a sinking feeling in my chest. We've been home for three days and I met my partner for dinner last night, he asked me if I had drunk anything. I told him, no, I haven't. The truth is, alone in my house so far I have drunk half a liter of rum, 4 bottles of red wine and 3 small ciders.
The idea of stopping is terrifying, but I can't explain why. I'm not drinking for fun, in fact I don't know why I'm drinking at all. I find myself asking the big question- do I need help? and what do I do now?
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Nottingham (UK)
Posts: 2,690
to SR and please DO stay 
I think you've kinda answered your own questions there really haven't you and that's not a judgement.
Have a good read around and see if 'bells ring' about your situation.
It's great to have you with us
Xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
Do you drink for the effect?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,051
Originally Posted by Marva
I don't know to be honest. I like the sedative effect, but to be honest it's more like it's something for me. A treat or a secret or a habit that I get to have all to myself. Does that make sense?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Marva welcome. You don't have to figure everything out over night. Many people joined here while still drinking and unsure of their desires to quit.
My advise is to stick around read post and see where that leads you
. You don't have to figure everything out over night. Many people joined here while still drinking and unsure of their desires to quit. My advise is to stick around read post and see where that leads you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 3
I suppose I just wish I could drink like my friends do. Saturday night, go out, complain about my hangover on facebook on Sunday morning, then leave it a week. I don't know if I can abstain completely. I don't know if either is possible for me. Maybe some people can't just drink occasionally and I am one of those people? The one who always orders a wine at lunch when everybody else has coke. The one who tells myself all day I won't go to the shop on the way home from work but always does..
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 19
Marva, Your situation right now seems ALOT like mine. i think we both know that we will never be able to just "drink like our friends". People that drink alone, and hide there drinking from others (i am not judging, that is me too) do not have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
My biggest fear is telling my partner and friends that i while not be drinking anymore. hope they wont be like this :
Good luck with whatever path you take.
My biggest fear is telling my partner and friends that i while not be drinking anymore. hope they wont be like this :
Good luck with whatever path you take.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Marva
welcome - I hope you stick around too.
It was such a relief for me to come here and find people who understood about my drinking and who wanted to help me
hope to see you around some more
D
welcome - I hope you stick around too.
It was such a relief for me to come here and find people who understood about my drinking and who wanted to help me
hope to see you around some more
D
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Marva, welcome, sounds like you've come to the right place. What you say makes total sense to me, because I've experienced the sort of thing you describe.
Us folks here are people who can't just have a drink now and then. Doesn't work for us. Liken it to an allergy. Doesn't make us abnormal or failures, we just dont process and handle alcohol the way other people do, so we abstain rather than drink and make our lives an out of control hell.
That's a totally sane decision. But our brains often tell us otherwise so we hang out here and support one another and share our experience to the benefit of all.
Us folks here are people who can't just have a drink now and then. Doesn't work for us. Liken it to an allergy. Doesn't make us abnormal or failures, we just dont process and handle alcohol the way other people do, so we abstain rather than drink and make our lives an out of control hell.
That's a totally sane decision. But our brains often tell us otherwise so we hang out here and support one another and share our experience to the benefit of all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Glasgow, UK
Posts: 362
Welcome Marva! You're in the right place
Like you I could go a few days without drinking, normally at least two of those days spent feeling downright horrendous from the last binge. My favourite times to drink became in the house when my other half was away during the week because I loved it being a secret and got a buzz from the 'badness' of it. I had nobody to tell me when to stop, when to go to bed and I could stay up late drinking on a school night and get away with it!!
I did have a period of 3 months before I moved in with him where I was drinking between 1-2 bottles of wine a night or 6-8 cans of beer and I managed to break that cycle (can't even remember how now). Just a warning that it can escalate.
If you decide to completely abstain you will get lots and lots of support here whenever you need it. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do
Like you I could go a few days without drinking, normally at least two of those days spent feeling downright horrendous from the last binge. My favourite times to drink became in the house when my other half was away during the week because I loved it being a secret and got a buzz from the 'badness' of it. I had nobody to tell me when to stop, when to go to bed and I could stay up late drinking on a school night and get away with it!!
I did have a period of 3 months before I moved in with him where I was drinking between 1-2 bottles of wine a night or 6-8 cans of beer and I managed to break that cycle (can't even remember how now). Just a warning that it can escalate.
If you decide to completely abstain you will get lots and lots of support here whenever you need it. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do
learning
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Where I need to be
Posts: 310
Originally Posted by Marva
There have been times in life I've read about alcoholism, the warning signs, and although they've all been present I've thought 'that's not me'.
The idea of stopping is terrifying, but I can't explain why. I'm not drinking for fun, in fact I don't know why I'm drinking at all. I find myself asking the big question- do I need help? and what do I do now?
The idea of stopping is terrifying, but I can't explain why. I'm not drinking for fun, in fact I don't know why I'm drinking at all. I find myself asking the big question- do I need help? and what do I do now?
I just pulled out some of what you wrote to highlight some of the exact things I have felt in my life. I know how you feel.
Drinking not for fun and not even knowing why is a scary dangerous place.
I needed help. It took me a long time to get it and most of that time wasn't good. Getting help is one of those "the sooner the better" type of things.
As far as what to do now? Getting honest like you did is a great start.
Search out different recovery programs, give them a try. You will find one that is best for you.
Be well
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: MN
Posts: 20
Stick around. I joined 5 days ago. You are not alone here.
We all have issues and our own addictions. Mine is also alcohol, then the smokes, and energy drinks. All things I turn to for every reason under the sun. To what I thought was normal. Everyone else does it, why can't I enjoy a drink like my very few friends do. I pushed my friends away so I would not have to answer to anyone. I drank even more to prove to myself that -I got this, I can control this, I was wrong.
I have found a great deal of support here. The biggest - I/we are not alone. Tomorrow will be 7 days for me. I have felt more alive than I ever have. I feel like I can be me.
I realized that my addictions are mine. My triggers are mine. My battle is mine. But now I have an army to back me. Stick with this sight. Keep posting. See where it all leads.
We all have issues and our own addictions. Mine is also alcohol, then the smokes, and energy drinks. All things I turn to for every reason under the sun. To what I thought was normal. Everyone else does it, why can't I enjoy a drink like my very few friends do. I pushed my friends away so I would not have to answer to anyone. I drank even more to prove to myself that -I got this, I can control this, I was wrong.
I have found a great deal of support here. The biggest - I/we are not alone. Tomorrow will be 7 days for me. I have felt more alive than I ever have. I feel like I can be me.
I realized that my addictions are mine. My triggers are mine. My battle is mine. But now I have an army to back me. Stick with this sight. Keep posting. See where it all leads.
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