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i have social anxiety

Old 11-26-2013, 08:36 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
EndGame
 
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Originally Posted by lsb View Post
i feel like no ones cares. all anyone cares about is themselves.
True. It's part of human evolution. Survival of the fittest and all that. We're all born with a hard-wired natural self interest and an instinct for survival. Through our experiences, we learn to either fear or be curious about novelty, like the novelty of meeting someone new. But our biology most often keeps us suspicious and closed so as not to get hurt.

The industrial revolution and all its inherent social problems, mainly human greed, made things worse for most people. Whereas before, people "kept to themselves"...their families and a few other people who were needed to survive...the IR threw people together who would otherwise have no contact with each other.

And then, of course, came the technological revolution, where people can hurt each other anonymously and from a distance. But that's a whole 'nother thing.

Altruism is also part of human evolution too. Helping someone else with no expectations of getting anything in return. AA is built upon the ideal of altruism, though it explicitly tells us that, by helping others generally, and by helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety, we strengthen our own sobriety and live a better life as a result. Works for me.

Some will disagree, but I believe that we're at our very best when we're helping other people who need help and who can put that help to good use. When we're wasting time helping someone who takes our help for granted or who only uses our help to gain an advantage over others, we have less time to help people who need our help in order to live a better life. To ease the suffering of another is quite a feat, and one that brings meaning to our lives.

You're worth much more than you know, lbs, but you so far haven't managed to find a way to do things that allow you to know this. For people with social anxiety, volunteering, helping others in need, relieving suffering...these are all things that help to bring us out of ourselves, acquire a true sense of achievement and make sense of what often seems like a meaningless life.

We're at a social advantage when people ask us for help, and the very act of helping reliably brings us to a better place. And people who are suffering, who need our help, who need care and concern...the teach us how to help ourselves.

Random acts of kindness are fine, but when you're giving yourself to another human being, make sure you're satisfied that they deserve your care. There's nothing better.
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Old 11-26-2013, 08:39 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I have a question for you, do you (or did you start) drinking to give you the courage to cope with social situations? Or are you drinking at home to avoid social situations?

The reason I ask, is because my daughter suffers from social anxiety. She started drinking to cope with social situations but as her drinking increased she used it as a way to avoid social situations altogether. I was just curious.
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Old 11-26-2013, 09:31 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Thanks for this thread Isb, I too suffer with social anxiety, its like drinking made me feel normal - for a while that was - until I inevitably had way too much and was trashed
There are a lot of us, I used to think I was the only one
Keep seeking, I found learning about it and listening to pod casts where other people share their experiences made me feel less alone
There is a great one here, the host is funny and empathetic, he is actually a comedian and used to have a tv show
if one episode doesn't appeal try others, I have gotten so much out of listening to these
The Mental Illness Happy Hour // Podcast Episodes
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Old 11-26-2013, 09:51 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Leana View Post
I have a question for you, do you (or did you start) drinking to give you the courage to cope with social situations? Or are you drinking at home to avoid social situations?
I know you weren't askin me, but I'll tell you my deal anyhow. I started drinking for the courage to be with people, espcially girls. And it worked. For about a year to the date. Then it turned on me viscously and I started to experience extreme anxiety and panic, which made things a thousand times worse and pushed me to a place where I had to avoid things. I went from consciously using alcohol to make things easier, to absolutely needing it to function. The fears I had continually got worse, turned into full blown phobias, and in time I was unable to leave the house at all. Couldn't make it to the corner store to buy a quart of beer. Had to beg someone (my unwilling younger brother) to do it for me. I felt completely hopeless, and that hopelessness brought me to a complete surrender. I prayed some real earnest prayers before I actually put the drink down, and I believe those prayers led me to the people I needed to rescue me. Real bad pain isn't always a terrible thing. It can be an awesome starting point. Was for me, although I'd have never known it at the time.
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Old 11-26-2013, 10:08 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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I understand where you are coming from with social anxiety and mentally beating yourself up. I can relate as well. Have you ever thought about trying therapy? I think therapy is a great opportunity to help learn new ways to face anxiety and to love yourself. I am 28 and sometimes question the fact that I am still single. Lately I stop myself when I start thinking that way because I know for the first time ever I am working on loving myself. As they say you must love yourself before you love anyone else. I truly believe that. 30 is young and you have a lot of time ahead of you. Try to take each day as it comes. Things will fall into place, just keep having faith and take one day at a time. Keep your head up
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