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Standing beside my husband

Old 11-25-2013, 07:59 PM
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Question Standing beside my husband

After spending my first two and a half years from the age of 14, my boyfriend and I was divided when his family and him went away. After 37 years of searching for him I finally found him. We connected and spoke about his pass and how he use to use drugs. He admitted to me openly about it but said he has been sober for a while but I learned that he had fallen back into the drug. My love for this man goes beyond words can explain. Dealing with a drug addict is very new to me. I started looking up online about crack addiction and been trying to find ways where we can work this problem out. I did something in the process of catching him one time. It was difficult but I was curious to know what drove him to it, how he uses it, and what was the effect it took on him after he use it and after he recovered. By now this is definitely tearing me apart emotionally. Even though I have read many articles and effects drugs have on a person but I still don't know where to begin in Helping him. He cries out for help but I don't know how but allow him to not feel he have to shelter me from his addiction but the first step has been recognized that he can come and tell me when he has done it. I would really like if he was able to tell me before he uses it but he keeps thinking its something evil pushing him to use it. I am desperately in need of help. I don't want to live without him.
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Old 11-25-2013, 09:56 PM
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Welcome!

I would recommending checking out the friends and family of addicts section of this forum.
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Old 11-26-2013, 12:59 AM
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You've come to a great place for support. The forum mentioned was this one, which I recommend as the people there know first hand what it's like dealing with addicts.


Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 11-26-2013, 02:59 AM
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It sounds as if you have built up an idealistic romantic love in your mind over 37 years . You've not seen this man since you were both children and have now met up and realized the reality doesn't match the fantasy.

No matter how much you want to help him only he can decide to get clean. The only thing you can do is look after yourself and your own welfare.
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Old 11-26-2013, 03:11 AM
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piercieux

You have made a great decision joining SR.
Sounds like you have a lot of work to do for yourself.
I think you will find the support and answers you are looking for.
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Old 11-26-2013, 04:32 AM
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Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast View Post
It sounds as if you have built up an idealistic romantic love in your mind over 37 years . You've not seen this man since you were both children and have now met up and realized the reality doesn't match the fantasy.

No matter how much you want to help him only he can decide to get clean. The only thing you can do is look after yourself and your own welfare.
I tend to agree with the above. While there may still be aspects about someone from that long ago you still see and are drawn to, the fact that the guy is a mess and I'm assuming has problems you wouldn't accept had you met him today should be a consideration. You might want to check out the friends and family of addicts sections of this site as well. But I think you will discover until he is truly ready to deal with quitting, you are likely in for a terrible ride associating with someone like him. He's lucky to have someone who is willing to support him, but for your own safety and sanity, you would be wise to support him from a safe distance.
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Old 11-26-2013, 06:49 AM
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"No matter how much you want to help him only he can decide to get clean. The only thing you can do is look after yourself and your own welfare."

So true!

Much help is available in the above mentioned forum and at Al Anon.

BE WELL
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