Fishy

So I relapsed and I relapsed good.

the day i finished my university exam's i bought a few bottles of wine to celebrate. that was a huge mistake. that led to a 3 day binge. when the universe didn't explode, i started drinking again. it got progressively worse over a few weeks and i hit a brick wall last night.

I know i am an alcoholic and can not ever drink again. I was wrong. The universe did explode but it did so in such a way that hurt me, my kids and my partner the most. I don't deserve him and he is too good for me.

I spent the time since i have woken up thinking about if this is my day 1 or do i count all my sobriety pre relapse. This is my day 1.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Fishy. What's important is figuring out what you are going to do from today forward. You can't change what you've done, but you can change how people view you and trust you going forward by getting serious about changing your life. Were you using any kind of plan like AA or AVRT prior to your latest binge? Perhaps something more formal might be in order?

Fishy

I was seeing a councilor. I went to a few AA meetings but just the stress of being around people is not good for me so i did not go back. I am a very anti-social person and one of my triggers for returning to drinking has been being around people.

Toffee1

I think you need to refocus on what is important in your life. You seem to have a loving family. It would be terrible if your drinking drove them away. You know that you can do this but I wonder how much you want to do it? I hope you can move on from this, you aren't the first to relapse. Best of luck

Skye2

Well done on finishing the exams

Kimchi

A lot of people in AA say they are shy and anti-social. You'll be around people who understand this. Give it another try.

ScottFromWI

AVRT and many of the other secular/non 12 step methods are self paced. There are smaller AA meetings too. If you truly want to get sober, you are most likely going to have to make some choices and take some actions that you are uncomfortable with. I'm not suggesting you need to force yourself to attend AA or any other meeting, but you are going to need to put some effort into this. It's very easy to find reasons to not get sober..don't fall into that trap.

least

Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again.

Fishy

I have autism.

ScottFromWI

Have you tried any of the self paced methods like AVRT for example? There are several that require little if any interaction with others.

instant

I was a danger to myself when I felt good and thought I could do what I liked with impunity. It happened more than once

anchorbird

Pick yourself up and move forward. Only your actions will be able to mend your relationships. You CAN do this!

ClearMind

Don't worry about the past Fishy, just get back on track and start it again. The past does not equal the future - you can do it.

Dee74

welcome back Fishy

D