Getting Sober and Divorce
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 222
Day 34 - Crossroads
She left last night to travel a few thousand miles away to stay with her parents for the holidays. I missed her call and got the sweetest, but the saddest voicemail from her. She was crying and said she just wanted to hear my voice before she left.
Tears. Crushed.
I called back in time as she was about to board the plane. We told each other much we love each other and how hard and awful and terrible this all is. We didn’t have to talk much but just be on the phone with each other, just to have that one last moment, that one last sliver, that connection.
She’ll be gone for a couple of weeks. Not seeing each other every day, and the distance and space and the time away from each other should make things clearer as far as us.
And I think I already know what it will be………
I feel like we are both at the crossroads together, with trails and paths intersecting. We are looking at each other and looking around at the different paths and where they go. Soon, we will both start to walk, and only then will we know if we are walking beside each other or walking our separate paths.
Tears. Crushed.
I called back in time as she was about to board the plane. We told each other much we love each other and how hard and awful and terrible this all is. We didn’t have to talk much but just be on the phone with each other, just to have that one last moment, that one last sliver, that connection.
She’ll be gone for a couple of weeks. Not seeing each other every day, and the distance and space and the time away from each other should make things clearer as far as us.
And I think I already know what it will be………
I feel like we are both at the crossroads together, with trails and paths intersecting. We are looking at each other and looking around at the different paths and where they go. Soon, we will both start to walk, and only then will we know if we are walking beside each other or walking our separate paths.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi FLBeachGuy.
As long as you focus on getting sober and working hard at taking care of yourself, making yourself a better person and building a better life, nothing will be quite as heartbreaking as what you're currently experiencing. Not in the same way.
Amazing things happen when we get sober.
As long as you focus on getting sober and working hard at taking care of yourself, making yourself a better person and building a better life, nothing will be quite as heartbreaking as what you're currently experiencing. Not in the same way.
Amazing things happen when we get sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Originally Posted by FLBeachGuy 
And I think I already know what it will be………
I feel like we are both at the crossroads together, with trails and paths intersecting. We are looking at each other and looking around at the different paths and where they go. Soon, we will both start to walk, and only then will we know if we are walking beside each other or walking our separate paths.
I feel for you, FLBG. It's something that really hurts and keeps hurting. The older I get the more I view life as a road, too. The path winds ahead of us and we don't know where it's going. We meet people along they way, and for a time they walk alongside us. But their path and ours aren't always the same. There are no words, I guess. Just that silence that you share.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Hi FLBG;
You (and your ex) have done a wonderful job of not letting bitterness block the love
you share but instead transform it into a caring that will endure I think whatever form
it takes.
You are doing so well as hard as it is, the growth and healing you are giving yourself
is really visible to me and I raise my coffee mug this this pre-dawn morning to you
and your future.
Please continue to take care of yourself. I'm glad you are getting the kitchen in shape
and ready for cooking. That's something I do a lot of since I quit drinking.
It's fun and it also is amazing how clear your palate gets when you aren't drinking alcohol.
Take care and I'm sending you a (((((hug)))))
You (and your ex) have done a wonderful job of not letting bitterness block the love
you share but instead transform it into a caring that will endure I think whatever form
it takes.
You are doing so well as hard as it is, the growth and healing you are giving yourself
is really visible to me and I raise my coffee mug this this pre-dawn morning to you
and your future.
Please continue to take care of yourself. I'm glad you are getting the kitchen in shape
and ready for cooking. That's something I do a lot of since I quit drinking.
It's fun and it also is amazing how clear your palate gets when you aren't drinking alcohol.
Take care and I'm sending you a (((((hug)))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 222
Originally Posted by ippochick
my heart goes out to you, flguy. this will be happening to me after christmas. husband is worn out and broken and we can't go on.
hang in there.
hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 222
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Hi FLBG;
You (and your ex) have done a wonderful job of not letting bitterness block the love
you share but instead transform it into a caring that will endure I think whatever form
it takes.
You are doing so well as hard as it is, the growth and healing you are giving yourself
is really visible to me and I raise my coffee mug this this pre-dawn morning to you
and your future.
Please continue to take care of yourself. I'm glad you are getting the kitchen in shape
and ready for cooking. That's something I do a lot of since I quit drinking.
It's fun and it also is amazing how clear your palate gets when you aren't drinking alcohol.
Take care and I'm sending you a (((((hug)))))
You (and your ex) have done a wonderful job of not letting bitterness block the love
you share but instead transform it into a caring that will endure I think whatever form
it takes.
You are doing so well as hard as it is, the growth and healing you are giving yourself
is really visible to me and I raise my coffee mug this this pre-dawn morning to you
and your future.
Please continue to take care of yourself. I'm glad you are getting the kitchen in shape
and ready for cooking. That's something I do a lot of since I quit drinking.
It's fun and it also is amazing how clear your palate gets when you aren't drinking alcohol.
Take care and I'm sending you a (((((hug)))))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 145
FLBG, just want to say that this thread has really moved me. I am not facing a divorce, but your words, something about how you describe your path of acceptance, has really resonated with me. I hope to reach that mental state soon. Right now, the way you describe it, it feels so much like what I am approaching...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 222
My Path
I let go of the sliver of hope that I held onto. I accept that it can never be the same; it can never be the way it was.
I read somewhere that it is not the loss of love that one grieves, because for us that love has changed forms. But, the grief is for loss of the relationship, and the clinging onto the past and being attached to something that no longer is. I’m untangling myself from the this. I’m letting go.
We are setting out on our own paths, letting go of each other’s hands. The first steps are difficult, as we can still see each other, looking at each other as our paths run close together and parallel for a while, in order for us to heal, support each other, and learn how to be friends again. The love will always be there, but I can see out in the distance that our paths will diverge, become windy and farther apart, perhaps over on the other side of the mountains they will occasionally cross and perhaps even run close to each other again.
This is the path I am walking alone, it is my path. I don’t have a map of where it will lead me, nor would I want one, I just want to enjoy each step with a clear mind, and stay present in the moment and have peace in my heart. I have now, and that is all I should ever need or want.
I will slowly, carefully, and mindfully take each step and let it fill me up with the small moments and simple joys in life... And will never take any moment for granted.
Be Kind To Yourself.
I read somewhere that it is not the loss of love that one grieves, because for us that love has changed forms. But, the grief is for loss of the relationship, and the clinging onto the past and being attached to something that no longer is. I’m untangling myself from the this. I’m letting go.
We are setting out on our own paths, letting go of each other’s hands. The first steps are difficult, as we can still see each other, looking at each other as our paths run close together and parallel for a while, in order for us to heal, support each other, and learn how to be friends again. The love will always be there, but I can see out in the distance that our paths will diverge, become windy and farther apart, perhaps over on the other side of the mountains they will occasionally cross and perhaps even run close to each other again.
This is the path I am walking alone, it is my path. I don’t have a map of where it will lead me, nor would I want one, I just want to enjoy each step with a clear mind, and stay present in the moment and have peace in my heart. I have now, and that is all I should ever need or want.
I will slowly, carefully, and mindfully take each step and let it fill me up with the small moments and simple joys in life... And will never take any moment for granted.
Be Kind To Yourself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Hi FLBeach Guy;
I want to share something with you that brought me a kind of comfort when
I lost a great love in my life. I can't even recall which book it came from, but here is the quote:
Stellar Friendship
We were friends, and have become strangers to each other.
But this is as it ought to be, and we do not want either to conceal or obscure the fact, as if we had to be ashamed of it.
We are two ships, each of which has its goal and its course; we may, to be sure, cross one another in our paths, and celebrate a feast together as we did before - and then the gallant ships lay quietly in one harbour and in one sunshine, so that it might have been thought they were already at their goal, and that they had had one goal.
But then the almighty strength of our tasks forced us apart once more into different seas and into different zones,
and perhaps we shall never see one another again, - or perhaps we may see one another, but not know one another again; the different seas and suns have altered us!
That we had to become strangers to one another is the law to which we are subject: just by that shall we become more sacred to one another!
Just by that shall the thought of our former friendship become holier!
There is probably some immense, invisible curve and stellar orbit in which our courses and goals, so widely different, may be comprehended as small stages of the way. - let us raise ourselves to this thought! But our life is too short, and our power of vision too limited for us to be more than friends in the sense of that sublime possibility. - And so we will believe in our stellar friendship, though we should have to be terrestrial enemies to one another
--Friedrich Nietzsche
I don't know, for some reason the idea of connection despite being apart made it bearable.
Take care and peace to you.
I want to share something with you that brought me a kind of comfort when
I lost a great love in my life. I can't even recall which book it came from, but here is the quote:
Stellar Friendship
We were friends, and have become strangers to each other.
But this is as it ought to be, and we do not want either to conceal or obscure the fact, as if we had to be ashamed of it.
We are two ships, each of which has its goal and its course; we may, to be sure, cross one another in our paths, and celebrate a feast together as we did before - and then the gallant ships lay quietly in one harbour and in one sunshine, so that it might have been thought they were already at their goal, and that they had had one goal.
But then the almighty strength of our tasks forced us apart once more into different seas and into different zones,
and perhaps we shall never see one another again, - or perhaps we may see one another, but not know one another again; the different seas and suns have altered us!
That we had to become strangers to one another is the law to which we are subject: just by that shall we become more sacred to one another!
Just by that shall the thought of our former friendship become holier!
There is probably some immense, invisible curve and stellar orbit in which our courses and goals, so widely different, may be comprehended as small stages of the way. - let us raise ourselves to this thought! But our life is too short, and our power of vision too limited for us to be more than friends in the sense of that sublime possibility. - And so we will believe in our stellar friendship, though we should have to be terrestrial enemies to one another
--Friedrich Nietzsche
I don't know, for some reason the idea of connection despite being apart made it bearable.
Take care and peace to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 222
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Hi FLBeach Guy;
I want to share something with you that brought me a kind of comfort when
I lost a great love in my life. I can't even recall which book it came from, but here is the quote:
Stellar Friendship
We were friends, and have become strangers to each other.
But this is as it ought to be, and we do not want either to conceal or obscure the fact, as if we had to be ashamed of it.
We are two ships, each of which has its goal and its course; we may, to be sure, cross one another in our paths, and celebrate a feast together as we did before - and then the gallant ships lay quietly in one harbour and in one sunshine, so that it might have been thought they were already at their goal, and that they had had one goal.
But then the almighty strength of our tasks forced us apart once more into different seas and into different zones,
and perhaps we shall never see one another again, - or perhaps we may see one another, but not know one another again; the different seas and suns have altered us!
That we had to become strangers to one another is the law to which we are subject: just by that shall we become more sacred to one another!
Just by that shall the thought of our former friendship become holier!
There is probably some immense, invisible curve and stellar orbit in which our courses and goals, so widely different, may be comprehended as small stages of the way. - let us raise ourselves to this thought! But our life is too short, and our power of vision too limited for us to be more than friends in the sense of that sublime possibility. - And so we will believe in our stellar friendship, though we should have to be terrestrial enemies to one another
--Friedrich Nietzsche
I don't know, for some reason the idea of connection despite being apart made it bearable.
Take care and peace to you.
I want to share something with you that brought me a kind of comfort when
I lost a great love in my life. I can't even recall which book it came from, but here is the quote:
Stellar Friendship
We were friends, and have become strangers to each other.
But this is as it ought to be, and we do not want either to conceal or obscure the fact, as if we had to be ashamed of it.
We are two ships, each of which has its goal and its course; we may, to be sure, cross one another in our paths, and celebrate a feast together as we did before - and then the gallant ships lay quietly in one harbour and in one sunshine, so that it might have been thought they were already at their goal, and that they had had one goal.
But then the almighty strength of our tasks forced us apart once more into different seas and into different zones,
and perhaps we shall never see one another again, - or perhaps we may see one another, but not know one another again; the different seas and suns have altered us!
That we had to become strangers to one another is the law to which we are subject: just by that shall we become more sacred to one another!
Just by that shall the thought of our former friendship become holier!
There is probably some immense, invisible curve and stellar orbit in which our courses and goals, so widely different, may be comprehended as small stages of the way. - let us raise ourselves to this thought! But our life is too short, and our power of vision too limited for us to be more than friends in the sense of that sublime possibility. - And so we will believe in our stellar friendship, though we should have to be terrestrial enemies to one another
--Friedrich Nietzsche
I don't know, for some reason the idea of connection despite being apart made it bearable.
Take care and peace to you.
I appreciate it.
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