Lisavan

I just got my second offense of DUI here in Michigan so I have to make some life changing choices to stop drinking. It seems my husband and I go out way too much and he has no Intensions of stopping drinking alcohol. I don't feel that is supportive but, he thinks this is all my problem. He left yesterday at 3:30 in the afternoon and got home at 3:00 AM after gambling and drinking all day! He was wasted and drove drunk! How can I get sober when he does stuff like that?? He will want to continue to go out with our friends too and everyone drinks. I am overwhelmed and need advice. I really do not like AA and just began an intensive out patient program but would like to find a women support group. Any advice on how to do all this?

instant

Hopefully you can find a way that works for you, it sounds tough right now.

least

You can get sober despite your husband's poor choices and habits if you just get sober for yourself. It will be difficult but it is possible depending on how badly you want to be sober.

It worries me that your husband is driving drunk. I pray he doesn't cause an accident.

BlackStrap

Hugs to you! It's nearly impossible to get clean when your other half won't, I tried it for 7 years and it wasn't until I let him go that I was really able to do that. I was a heroin addict and I know I would still be one if he were still around. I'm sorry I don't have an answer to you but hold strong!

Leana

When I got sober my husband did not stop drinking. If and when he is ready to quit, is for him to decide and he can't be your "excuse" for not stopping or for relapsing.

I actually found it easier to quit by myself, I concentrated only on myself. We are still married by the way, he quit about a year or so after I did.

FYI- We lost a lot a of friends; mostly drinkers like us. When I stopped, most of the couples stopped hanging out with us. The wives didn't want to go out with me without drinking and I wouldn't drink. My husband didn't want to be a 3rd wheel so he found "drinking buddies". When he stopped, they stopped calling. Truthfully, the social aspect of drinking is one thing I do miss but not enough to relapse.

LadyBlue0527

I've actually found that being social without drinking is far more fun. What I say is real, when I laugh it's real, and I don't spend all night spewing worthless pitiful bs that I have to hang my head in shame about the next day. I leave the same person that I came in as and I feel great the next morning! I maintain self respect and am building back the respect that I lost by my actions. I let the people with problems deal with all of that now. For an alcoholic there is no "social" aspect of drinking. It's just drinking with words thrown in to make it appear that it's about the social aspect.

Lisavan, you can't fix him, you can only fix you. Every moment you spend thinking about his drinking is a moment you lose concentrating on you. I know that he's your husband and you care. This has to be about you.

Hevyn

I'm glad you joined us Lisavan. You're among people who truly understand what you're going through. I've had dui's & I was terrified - but it led me to getting sober & staying that way. You can do it. I hope you feel better knowing you're not alone with this.

misspond

It must be terribly hard to do this when you're still living with someone who has the same behaviour that you're trying to quit. I wish you well - be strong x

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome, Lisavan! I wish I had some magic bullet cure or advice, but I don't. Most of us drink until we can't anymore. Maybe this is your 'rock bottom'. One of the classic truisms is that if you wonder if you have a drinking problem you probably do. I quit drinking because my life was becoming unmanageable, and it sounds like that's the case for you, too.

Take care of you! Right now it's as if you and your husband are both drowning; well, one drowning person can't save another. You have to get to shore first. Just like you he'll have to decide to quit on his own, or not. You can talk to him but he has to want it.

Good luck to you! It is possible to live another way, a better way. There is hope.

MIRecovery

Hello from a fellow Grand Rapidian. I can relate about not liking AA. The primary problem I had with AA is that they wanted me to quit drinking. When things got bad enough AA was my last and only option. I went through an IOP program as well. the facilitator convinced me to try another AA meeting.

I went to another meeting and found healthy happy people and after the meeting I felt better. I was taught how to lead a great life without alcohol. 4 years later I'm drug and alcohol free and love the sober life

if you are ever interested I can introduce you to a bunch of great women and great meetings. Just PM me I will point you in the right direction.

IOAA2

[QUOTE=LadyBlue0527;4310804]I've actually found that being social without drinking is far more fun. What I say is real, when I laugh it's real, and I don't spend all night spewing worthless pitiful bs that I have to hang my head in shame about the next day. I leave the same person that I came in as and I feel great the next morning! I maintain self respect and am building back the respect that I lost by my actions. I let the people with problems deal with all of that now. For an alcoholic there is no "social" aspect of drinking. It's just drinking with words thrown in to make it appear that it's about the social aspect.

Lisavan, you can't fix him, you can only fix you. Every moment you spend thinking about his drinking is a moment you lose concentrating on you. I know that he's your husband and you care. This has to be about you.[/QUOTE]

So accurate!

BE WELL