malcolmsloan

Here comes the night, the dreaded night 5, farther than I've been into sobriety in over 6 years. If you read my last post, you know that this is my first sunday, meaning that I have to get up at 5 AM for work. This is a tough night, for the AV really kicks in, telling me all sorts of bulls$#! reasons to drink. About an hour ago, I was feeling so tired and spaced out from not sleeping well that I thought, "screw it, I fell hungover anyway." But the truth is, I don't, just exhausted, just trying to get my mental and physical chemistry back in order, just struggling to find a new "normal." AV, I have a message for you: no more sabotage, no more subterfuge. Here I go, into night 5.

Dee74

Yep...the more nights you make it through, the more you'll return to a normal sleeping pattern Malcolm.

I hope tonight is a good one for you

D

Mikie9

I am just on night 6, and my first sunday as well. The waking up for work thing has been trying to play with me too. Mine is, my mind is racing with work things I have to wake up to and face. To my AV I say what?!? So getting drunk, getting emotional, not solving anything AND going to work in the AM hungover and hating myself, again, is better than just dealing with my thoughts??? No matter how tough tonight may be, how bored, how emotional, how much I may toss and turn.... it CAN NOT be as bad as hating myself yet again in the morning, saying to myself "please stop drinking tonight you loser" as I cough from smoking to many cigs and my stomach in a knot from not eating well and being dehydrated.

Good luck friend, we will get thru this first of many Sunday evenings, each one getting easier and easier.

zeppodog

I'm starting week 3, it took the better part of a week before I started sleeping better. To anyone laying awake when you're trying desperately to sleep, hang in there it will get better.

thelonghaul

hell ya man. my 5th night too. Hold strong with me

BlackStrap

It's my first Sunday too! Tomorrow will be my first day in a really long time not being physically dependent on heroin. I am really dreading it But if I can make it through tomorrow then I can make it through any day. I just keep thinking on all the things I've lost that I want to get back. Congrats to all of us!

Mikie9

hey guys, do you do any kind of journal writing? I never have before but started the first night I quit drinking. I do it anytime my thoughts are starting to get the best of me or my emotions are starting to get clouded. It isn't as good as coming and posting here where you can get feedback, but at the same time you can ramble on and on until you see where your thinking is going wrong.

malcolmsloan

Funny you'd mention that, Mikie9. Three years ago, I started a "getting sober" journal. I wanted to document the whole process so that I was going through so that I would never repeat it. However, for three years the journal consisted of my complaints about getting sober. When I look back at it now, it is almost pure AV talking. It was full of, "I'll start tomorrow" and "as soon as [fill in the blank] changes, it'll be time to quit" thinking. It would be interesting, however, to try it again with a more aware frame of mind.

And, hey first-Sunday folks-we're in this together. We can do it. Be strong. Breathe. Visualize. Do what you gotta do to see a clean sunrise.

Mikie9

I've had that same experience with a journal. In this one I am not mentioning quitting drinking, other than one line at the end that says I did not drink tonight. It is used only for working out the thoughts I have. I haven't had sober thoughts in so long, I didn't know what else to do with them.