7 Month Itch....?
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
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7 Month Itch....?
I'm already regretting posting this and I haven't even started!?!
I'm well into my 7th month (4/9/13) and for the first time in a LONG time I really want to drink!
I know I won't but the reason I wont is causing me tremendous discomfort!
I won't drink today or anyday because I'm not allowed! I'm actually not "allowed" to do many things. Things many would presume benign and rediculous. I feel a tremdous amount of grief today for the loss that drinking use to give me. I use to be able to get a bottle of wine and disappear if only for a couple hours.
I know I shouldn't drink for so many reason, and like I said I'm not going to, but I can already hear and recognize my AV is telling me, "youre not an alcoholic." I hear it taunting me, "your only sober because your husband made you stop drinking, it's just another way for him to control you!"
As I write this tears roll down my face, I thought I was past this many months ago. This was how I felt in early sobriety. For the past several months I had seen and still see being free of alcohol is a vastly better way to live. I have embraced being sober and lived it to the fullest. im healthy, happy most of the time, and not going to move backwards. Going to keep thinking positive (once I stop crying like a big baby
!) And continue living sober because its what best for me.
So.... TODAY I WILL NOT DRINK, but I'm a little sad about it!
I'm well into my 7th month (4/9/13) and for the first time in a LONG time I really want to drink!
I know I won't but the reason I wont is causing me tremendous discomfort!
I won't drink today or anyday because I'm not allowed! I'm actually not "allowed" to do many things. Things many would presume benign and rediculous. I feel a tremdous amount of grief today for the loss that drinking use to give me. I use to be able to get a bottle of wine and disappear if only for a couple hours.
I know I shouldn't drink for so many reason, and like I said I'm not going to, but I can already hear and recognize my AV is telling me, "youre not an alcoholic." I hear it taunting me, "your only sober because your husband made you stop drinking, it's just another way for him to control you!"
As I write this tears roll down my face, I thought I was past this many months ago. This was how I felt in early sobriety. For the past several months I had seen and still see being free of alcohol is a vastly better way to live. I have embraced being sober and lived it to the fullest. im healthy, happy most of the time, and not going to move backwards. Going to keep thinking positive (once I stop crying like a big baby
!) And continue living sober because its what best for me. So.... TODAY I WILL NOT DRINK, but I'm a little sad
about it!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp? It's her memoir and she talks about the grieving process she went through after giving up alcohol. It's raw and courageous and will definitely give you hope.
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Join Date: May 2013
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Thanks Anna I have it! Funny thing is I read 50% of it early in sobriety and related to her early struggles as she got well I lost interest. That sentence I guess says alot. Think I will take your advise and finish the book tonight when I get the kids to bed.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
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ImperfectlyMe, 7 months is FANTASTIC. Congratulations. I'm 3 years 4 months sober and it took a long time before my AV gave up trying to trick me into drinking, but it has. Make it through this and you will be some much stronger. Rootin for ya. 
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Join Date: May 2013
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Hi ImperfectlyMe,
I have about the same amount of time sober as you (8 months on Thursday) and I can't say I'm having those cravings.
I guess my question to you would be, what are you currently doing to improve/enrich yourself? We've both passed the point where the focus is solely about simply not drinking. Now is the time to really start pushing forward with our lives and finding sober things that make us happy and fulfilled. I've found that fulfillment through AA, but obviously, there are tons of other things out there that you can do to improve yourself as a person besides AA if you're not into that. Maybe some kind of service like volunteering? Maybe some activities that can improve your self like yoga or meditation? My AV gets very quiet, if not silent, when I'm helping others and actively working on me.
Stay strong!
I have about the same amount of time sober as you (8 months on Thursday) and I can't say I'm having those cravings.
I guess my question to you would be, what are you currently doing to improve/enrich yourself? We've both passed the point where the focus is solely about simply not drinking. Now is the time to really start pushing forward with our lives and finding sober things that make us happy and fulfilled. I've found that fulfillment through AA, but obviously, there are tons of other things out there that you can do to improve yourself as a person besides AA if you're not into that. Maybe some kind of service like volunteering? Maybe some activities that can improve your self like yoga or meditation? My AV gets very quiet, if not silent, when I'm helping others and actively working on me.
Stay strong!
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Join Date: May 2013
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Thanks dig these cravings aren't normal to me either! That's why I'm so rattled. Nothing against AA but it's not for me at least not at this point. I do volunteer twice a month consistently at an outreach center even bring my daughters to volunteer as well. I'm going to chalk it up to a ****** day, not to dwell on and be glad I recognized the " voice" as not my own.
these cravings aren't normal to me either! That's why I'm so rattled. Nothing against AA but it's not for me at least not at this point. I do volunteer twice a month consistently at an outreach center even bring my daughters to volunteer as well. I'm going to chalk it up to a ****** day, not to dwell on and be glad I recognized the " voice" as not my own.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Originally Posted by Anna 
Have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp? It's her memoir and she talks about the grieving process she went through after giving up alcohol. It's raw and courageous and will definitely give you hope.
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I'm glad that you came here and posted that ImperfectlyMe! You know that this will pass and it just really sucks right now. It does feel like the loss of a good friend. I know that I'll have days like that once in a while.
I love this place, we can come here and be honest about how we're feeling which is exactly what you did.
I love this place, we can come here and be honest about how we're feeling which is exactly what you did.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Originally Posted by ImperfectlyMe
I know I shouldn't drink for so many reason, and like I said I'm not going to, but I can already hear and recognize my AV is telling me, "youre not an alcoholic." I hear it taunting me, "your only sober because your husband made you stop drinking, it's just another way for him to control you!"
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Imperfectly, I went through exactly the same thing around that time, I wanted a drink so bad. It was part of the process, it's that old AV trying to set us up, you aren't alone in the feeling or in the battle. And it really is AV, we don't get cured of addiction, we are always addicts.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
The other day my AV was playing me hard and you were very helpful to me, with the Lion on a Leash visual. The lion might play along and walk sweetly with you for a little while. It may even purr and and act like a kitten for a bit, but inevitably, it will strike hard and mean and will probably kill you. It's just the nature of the beast. So, you helped me not pick up the leash. Thank you!! I can tell you that the rest of the weekend my AV has not bothered me in the bit. The cravings always pass.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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To those of you who felt coerced or controlled by other people to quit, I can honestly say I wish I had a little more of that in my life. Everyone in my life is a drinker. My husband (not an alcoholic, a very light drinker) has been wonderfully supportive, but at the same time when I quit, he said that I was too hard on myself. I appreciate his blind adoration, but when my cravings hit hard I wish I really believed that I would have repercussions from the people who love me. Instead, I know everything is always swept under the rug in my family. My father's blind adoration is helping my mother drink herself into an early grave and in the meantime, allowing her to humiliate herself to no end. Just thought it might help if I were a devil's advocate . . .
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Every single one of you has helped me more then you could ever know. Doubledragon thank you for reminding me!!!!!
I feel a whole lot better for getting it out. Sometimes stuffing these feelings make them so much stronger!! I will not be drinking today not because I'm not allowed but because I DONT WANT TO!
Plus my girls are about to fist fight over the rainbow loom! (If you're a parent of young children you know what I'm talking about)
I feel a whole lot better for getting it out. Sometimes stuffing these feelings make them so much stronger!! I will not be drinking today not because I'm not allowed but because I DONT WANT TO
!Plus my girls are about to fist fight over the rainbow loom! (If you're a parent of young children you know what I'm talking about)
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ImperfectlyMe ,
The first week , 6 weeks , 3 months , 6 months and 1 year were all times when i had difficult weeks . Since then I've had 14 months of nothing. I'm hoping it's dead but I am prepared for a fight anytime it likes . We're all different be thankful for the peace you've had , prepare for the fight at any time . Every day is a blessing to get the chance at living it sober, living it as best we can.
Keep on , you can do this
Bestwishes, m
The first week , 6 weeks , 3 months , 6 months and 1 year were all times when i had difficult weeks . Since then I've had 14 months of nothing. I'm hoping it's dead but I am prepared for a fight anytime it likes . We're all different be thankful for the peace you've had , prepare for the fight at any time . Every day is a blessing to get the chance at living it sober, living it as best we can.
Keep on , you can do this
Bestwishes, m
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