Depressed. Again. Story of my life.
 

I'm at 23 days. You'd think that would make me happy and give me a sense of accomplishment, but instead I am dealing with double depression with no sign of relief today, tomorrow, or the next day. You all know the feeling, I'm sure: heavy muscles, excessive fatigue, flat feelings and emotions, lost all interest in anything. I'm too fatigued to even be weepy. Too fatigued to practice "correct thinking."

Just venting. I think deep down I knew this would happen when I stopped drinking. No booze means no buffer from myself. Effing alcohol.

Have appointments being made for me. I'll be ok. Just wish I could crawl up into bed and hide until this passes, but that's not how it works. Have to interact and be out in the world in order to heal. I just hope I can do it without feeling worse.

Hi, Any,

First of all, congratulations on 23 days!

I know exactly what you mean, and I really feel for you. I'm going through the same thing at present.

I'm glad to hear you have appointments in place, as you will really need a lot of support.
It's ok to do the absolute minimum just to get by. Sometimes, if ppl try to be kind, they'll tell you to "push through" the feelings, exercise etc. all those things are good of course, but in their own time! Right now, just recognize that you're ill, and treat yourself with kid gloves.
It does get better. You may be up and down for a while yet, I am, but it is definitely not worth returning to drinking, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that.

Just wanted to say Hi and send you hope, and strength. It really helps me to hang out on SR. Life may be tough at present, but I derive hope and inspiration from the fabulous people here!

Be kind to yourself, you deserve it!

While 23 days is a huge accomplishment that I applaud you for, it's still very early. The brain and your entire nervous system are still in rescue/recovery mode. These impending depressive feelings unfortunately are all part if this process. Talk to yourself, reassure yourself you're not losing it, you're not crazy, you're not alone! And this will definitly pass!!!!

Happy days ahead:)

Hi Any. Thanks for posting. Been going through the same thing on and off for a long time and I feel your pain. It is so frustrating when your body seems to be giving up on you. I'm starting to feel better mentally but I am still ridiculously tired and achey on a daily basis and trying to push through. I know what an effort it is just 'to be' when you feel like this.

BUT you've made it to 23 days going through all this and that is is no small achievement by any means.

If you're aiming to increase activity start small and slowly if you can...I'm always guilty of thinking I feel a bit better, overdoing it and then my body later tells me otherwise! And as Leshar says be kind to yourself at the moment that is the main thing. If the activity that you want to do is to sit and read, watch your favourite movie/TV show, have a bath or whatever then go for it. It will all help with recovery!

Things will get better :)

Hi Any! I too am on day 23. After the withdrawals subsided I almost felt euphoric. It just felt good to be sober. That can't last, and hasn't. I'm just getting used to feeling normal. Getting used to having ups and downs. I didn't experience the kind of depression you described. I'm glad you are recognizing it and doing something about it! You can do this!!

I'm sorry you're feeling so down and I'm glad that you have an appointment with your dr.

Hi Any, congrats on 23 days! I know it seems like a lifetime in the beginning and it is really something to be proud of...you're doing this thing!

What ImperfectlyMe is saying is accurate. At least that was my experience. My emotions were all over the place in my first two months. Depression, anger, weird joyful moments, etc. Your brain and body chemistry are used to having alcohol do all the work for them so they're just now coming back online. Hang in there, you're healing.

I am glad you are going to see a Dr. too. I also suffered with depression and while quitting drinking helped, I also really benefited from talking through this with my doctor. I was on antidepressants that I thought weren't working until, surprise, surprise, I quit drinking. Also exercise and diet changes are sometimes necessary.

Good news is that once you get through this and get sorted out? You will feel great. Better than you ever did with those artificial highs and lows from alcohol.

Take good care of yourself and I am thinking of you and sending you good wishes!

Thanks everyone. It is truly helpful to me when you say you have gone through the same thing and gives me perspective. I am doing everything I can to get myself well again. I just feel like I completely lost my foundation - as if I came home and found my house burnt to the ground. If that makes any sense.

Your support is invaluable. hugs and smiles.

There are days like that. Sometimes weeks. But the gift you get from hanging on and fighting for your life is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow after the storm.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You got this.

XO AO

Congrats Anyistoomuch on your 28 days. I look forward to that so much.
One is too many and 12 is not enough I always say ( and did)
I am just starting day 12 this morning and I feel okay. I am trying to think about not what I left behind but what I have gained. Clarity in my thinking, peace in my heart. Lifestyle change for sure, but that will save me about $10k a year. Old friends that will eventually stop calling. Thats okay too. New friends will emerge that have a positive impact on my life.
I know that I will be okay, great even. And you will too. Alcohol is not our friend.
Hang in there, you can get past this.

Getting sober and staying sober unfortunately "fixes" nothing. It only gives me the ability to do things that then make me better. I too have been through similar. I have just found that I don't start feeling like doing anything until I force myself to do things. Exercise and getting up and taking care of business is what helped me finally begin to feel like doing things. I guess I expected that not drinking would cure my ills, but instead it just gave the the option. Drinking just took the option away. I only got better when I pushed myself to do the things that made me better. Quitting drinking is a great start, but not an end all.

Totally agree totfit,

For most people quitting doesn't 'fix' anything, it just gives us the opportunity to right things in our life. As long as we're drinking excessively, nothing will ever change, nothing will improve, and life will never be the way we want it. At least with quitting, we can have Hope again of a happy life.
And that is what I'm clinging too!

I'm sorry you're feeling depressed Any, I'm in the same boat so you're not alone. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning (whether I'm drinking or not, the depression is there), the thought of just getting through the day overwhelms me. :(

I'm on day 7. 23 days is awesome, I hope you feel better soon! :)

Anyistoomuch, 23 days is FANTASTIC. Congratulations. Rootin for ya. :egypt:

Hi Any....I'm with you and all the other posters who do / have /still suffer from depressive episodes in sobriety. Yeah, it's a pig, isn't it?!

Depression - or even 'just' dysthymia (which is more subtle but just as dangerous) - has so often sent me straight back to the bottle. After so many times of relapse now (starting day 10 sober currently), I believe that practising a delicate balance between the two poles is key. i.e. resting, not doing much, kind of accepting the depression and utter fatigue for what it is vs. forcing yourself to get out, exercise, etc.

Somehow, I've found it really difficult to get that balance right, but I'm workin' on it this time! You can give that a try too, eh?

Hi any :)

I felt like I'd lost my foundation too...but I believed the folks here who told me it would be ok - and it was. I built new foundations - stronger ones :)

hang in there and use us for support. Glad you're seeing your Dr.
D

Thanks everyone for all of this support. I am not out of the woods, but definitely on the mend. Hoping today will be better, but there is always tomorrow and better days are on the way. Being on SR definitely makes it easier. Smiles.

I heard a very wise saying yesterday that really picked me up....

"It can't rain forever... The sun will come out again"
Now where I heard that is quite embarrassing, (Real housewives of Atlanta) but hey ill take a positive message from any where;)

Hope the sun shines on you today!!!