JaylaaKent

AA helped me listen to other women (I go to a lot of women's meetings) and know that I can get off that elevator at any time. I do not have to go to the lower level of alcoholism (losing car, job, family). Because it will go there eventually.

Victoria74

What scares me with aa is to admit to complete strangers that I am a drunk. And what if I am recognized..what if someone from my work is there and the word gets around. i have nothing against aa, maybe I can find a meeting a bit away from where I live. But it annoys the hell out off me that i cannot seem to do this on my own. I am successful at other things I set my mind to, why is this so hard?

Johnston

Very unlikely that word will get out. In my experience the vast majority of members respect other's anonymity.

mfanch

Secret:

I hated AA. Didn't want to go to AA. I could NOT stop drinking so I held my nose and went to AA anyway.

Best thing I ever did. Now I have a posse of female friends. Some married with kids, some not. Life is in color again....

Eddiebuckle

Because one is too many and a thousand not enough. It is the nature of the disease, and self-delusion about that fact is the cornerstone of addiction. "Today will be different", "I deserve it", "I have control over it", and a thousand variations of these thoughts will pop into our heads.

Once a person goes past the point of no return and is an alcoholic, any drinking will ultimately lead us back to where we left off. I found that when I finally and truly accepted this fact, I was able to move forward. It is hard work, and it does take time, but sobriety is not only possible it is a far better life than the one I left behind.

You are no different than I was four years ago. Good luck, Victoria, you can do this.

Image101

Victoria, it's definitely worth checking out a meeting. I remember my first one. I was terrified; took me several attempts to actually get the guts to go inside.
It did, however, open up an entire new world to me. I knew I wasn't alone. TALK ABOUT A RELIEF!!
A huge problem with addiction is the isolation that goes along with it. You don't want anyone to know you have a problem, right?
Guess what? Most people close to you already most likely know you do. Especially your kids.
ADDICTION IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

magusadam

I not a parent but when I decided to quit doing drugs it was because I looked at my past and seen the damage done. With my hindsight I found it easier to quit than to continue to do more damage. I think quitting completely is the only way you and everyone around you will begin to heal from the past by working on a better future and leaving the past in the past. the past is over nothing can change that. The only thing you can do to fix the past is learn and more on making a better future.

LadyBlue0527

Victoria, I was just discussing this same thing with my husband last night. Your statement was almost exactly what was in my head almost 6 months ago when i decided to quit. I had my drinking down to weekends, or at least one night on the weekends, going waaaaaaay overboard and spending most of the next day in bed. I was so afraid of what my weekends were going to be like without my beer. Oh boy, what was I going to do? No reward for getting what I had to get done on Saturday! Just sitting around the house doing NOTHING. Not seeing my drinking buddies. Not enjoying that buzz. It was a scary thought. Not pleasant thoughts indeed. You feel like your life will be worthless and useless without alcohol in it.

On the contrary, and this was the conversation that I had with my husband last night, if I had realized how much BETTER my life was going to be without it I would have done this long ago.

I've said this before but the hard part of quitting isn't the absence of the alcohol. It's finding ways to fill your life with things that will make you happy in the absence of it. Sure, you have cravings to get past and that really kind of sucks in the beginning. But, it gets better, and I mean a whole lot better.

Yesterday was a great day. I had a long list of things that I had to do that required a lot of running around. I was driving and reveled in the fact that in the first place, I was actually able to do that and wasn't at home in bed with my head under the pillow. Next, that I was enjoying being alone with ME. That I was going to get my list done, go home and make a haddock chowder, and sit with my husband watching our DVRd shows that we missed during the week. The old me would have lamented about how absolutely BORING that was. I can truly say that I far more look forward to this now more than I ever looked forward to drinking. This can happen for anyone.

Start by making a list of things that you like but are unable to do because of your drinking. For instance, I like to go to the movies and I love to read. Neither of which I did at all because jeese, that would cut into drinking time. I've read more books and seen more movies in the past 6 months than I had the 10 years prior. These are just some suggestions.

Victoria, you CAN do this and there will come a point that you realize that drinking wasn't what made your life fun, worth living, and a reward. It's what's ruining your life and keeping you from seeing what's truly worthwhile. It rules you. Take control back, you CAN do this!

JaylaaKent

If you had cancer would you try to heal it on your own? Disease of addiction (alcoholism, drug) is a DISEASE plain and simple. It's an alteration of physiological processes in our brains - some is genetics predisposition (just like say heart disease) and some is environmental (same as heart disease poor diet, etc). So why WOULD you try to do it on your own? Keeping it a big secret because of fear and shame is common. I wouldn't suggest telling everyone you meet (although some people are comfortable with that) - but associating with other alcoholics/addicts will help you see that it's not this scary dark thing and you are not alone.

Victoria74

Thank for all the inspiring responses! My drinking has been going on for years, I remember hiding beers around the huouse 7 years ago. Then there has been ups and downs, in 2011 I was excersising a lot and was feeling great. But with the divorce things escalated and the past year has been awful. I was trying to think about when I feel really good about myself, and that is when I run. I love longdistance running, and that is hopeless if you drink. I hate to wake up hang-over and spending the day doing nothing instead of getting out in the fresh air and feeling healthy.

DoubleDragons

Victoria, however you decided to get sober, please just do it. Do whatever works for you, just stay sober. My mother has become a full blown alcoholic. I have lost so much of her, almost like if she had Alzheimers or some other disease, but this disease has a cure - do not drink. She completely ruined my Mother's Day. She showed up to a beautiful restaurant that my husband had picked out to celebrate both my mother and me. She was so loaded that she fell into a potted plant. I had to spend the rest of my Mother's Day explaining to my four children that their beloved grandmother is an alcoholic and what that means. Friday morning I was talking to her and she was slurring her words and repeating the same lines. This was 8:30 in the morning! This woman was a beautiful (former model), vibrant ,demanding, engaged person until alcoholism took her over. She didn't even want me to come visit my sister and my niece and nephew when they were visiting her, because I have quit drinking and she thought that would put a damper on things!! She is picking alcohol over everything and everybody that used to be of the highest importance to her. I am telling you all of this because if she would admit she has a problem and earnestly try to get help and to help herself, I would forgive her in a second. I would rally around her. She would be such an inspiration and example of redemption to her family. But that has not happened. I live in fear that she will continue to spiral and alcohol will kill her and my hopes of ever having a normal relationship with her again. So, I think instead of wallowing on how much you have hurt your children with your drinking, you should take that energy to make the changes that will relieve them and inspire them.

Victoria74

My dad is an alcoholic, I have no contact with him at all. Ironic isn´t it... But you are very right DoubleDragons, I need to stop wallowing and take action. All the energy spent on alcohol has to be canalized into something productive.

afloatsober

Hey Victoria.
The very best way that i make amends to myself and all those that i have harmed as a result of my drinking (including my partners children) is to do whatever it takes to stay sober. Stick to my plan and not be diverted.
That is the ONLY way that way that i can make sure it never happens again. Ever.
I hope you can stop and begin to make it right for you and your loved ones.
GX

KateL

They won;t hate you.

DoubleDragons

That's the spirit!! I have used my mother's alcohol problem to inspire me to live alcohol free. I feel stronger, clearer, more confident and I am definitely a better mother for it! You can do this for the benefit of your children and yourself!! I am on 57 days. It has been hard, still is hard, but not nearly as hard as I imagined and it is getting easier!!

ReadyAtLast

The only way to make amends,forgive yourself and hopefully make sure your children don't remember yo ubeing drunk in front of them is to quit completely. If you keep drinking it will get worse and worse. 1 night becomes 2 then more. There are people on here who have lost their children because of their drinking-it really could get a lot worse. I'm a mother too and know how scary it is-it really is worth it ,your life will be so much better

I hope you stick around SR

misspond

Victoria, I really hear you - mine are 9 and 5 and at a point where if I continue to stay stopped at least I won't have it weigh on my heart all the time that I should have been a better mum and could have been a better mum had I been sober.

Staying sober for me is number one, but there are two beautiful reasons to stay stopped.

Victoria74

I feel so inspired to read all your kind words and support. I will keep posting here, when I start to feel as if I can have a glass of wine, I´ll come here and read and post. I have to do this for me and for my children, I want to live a long healthy life, I want to run a marathon and be the best version of me.

ru12

Hi Victoria. There are many paths to sobriety. If drinking is causing you problems then it might be best to stop for a while and see if things get better. Perhaps set a goal of 30 days and reevaluate then. Some fine AA helpful, others find it toxic. You probably won't know unless you give it a try. Also look into Rational Recovery, SMART, Women for Sobriety, Lifering. . . There are lots of resources out there.

EndGameNYC

Hard is not the same as impossible. Drinking becomes a way of life for many of us, not just an unwanted habit. Everyone who's tried to get sober has struggled, and the fight is very often painful and takes maximum effort. It's not about shame, regret, remorse, or self-loathing. It's about life and death.

If getting sober were easy, everyone would be doing it. Historically, less than 10% of all alcoholics and addicts in the States seek any kind of formal treatment. And only a few of those achieve long-term sobriety. But everyone who finds a way to stay sober is 100% successful at it.

I spent years poking holes in people and ideas that were a threat to my drinking. It's an easy thing to do when we don't want to stop. Everywhere we go, in every group of people, in every possible setting, we're going to find crazies, boors, nut cases and all the rest of it. This reality is not unique to AA.

No matter who or what you see in an AA meeting, no matter how crazy some might seem, no matter how overbearing some people are...each of them has something that people new to sobriety do not have. Everyone who reads this post knows what that its.