Back to scary square one
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Maine
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Back to scary square one
After being sober for 6 weeks after detox back in May, I gradually started drinking again, ending up exactly back where I was before I wasted all that time and money on detox. Last night was the worst. Not only did I make a fool of myself in front of my daughter, boyfriend, and best friend of almost 40 years, my daughter had to take an emergency night off and come and stay with me. I'm trying to get through a move, and she's staying with me tonight because she says she wants to help me move early in the morning, but I know it is just her way of keeping an eye on me. She even called my therapist and he called me at work to see how I was doing. I guess this just means that they love me, but it was embarrassing to let everyone see how bad I had become, and what a mess my house had become because I was so overwhelmed. So day 1 again for me. I hope I can do it this time.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
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Originally Posted by scintillady 
After being sober for 6 weeks after detox back in May, I gradually started drinking again, ending up exactly back where I was before I wasted all that time and money on detox.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Maine
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Yes, daughter came over last night and stayed over, we got up early because I'm moving and she and a couple of friends are helping me. She and the same friend who was there the night before kind of ambushed me. They say I have to go to AA. Friend threatened not to help me move if I don't. Don't want to go, but I need her friendship and help. Agreed to go under duress. Then she said she didn't want me to agree to go just because she wanted me to. That IS the only reason I agreed to go. I will go tomorrow night after work with my daughter, but only because I said I would. Really not planning on going again but I promised for tomorrow night. When I was in detox I got so totally turned off by it I don't think it's the only way. I'm not bashing it, I know it works for many people, just not right for me.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Originally Posted by scintillady
They say I have to go to AA. Friend threatened not to help me move if I don't. Don't want to go, but I need her friendship and help. Agreed to go under duress. Then she said she didn't want me to agree to go just because she wanted me to. That IS the only reason I agreed to go.
I know for me it was far easier to drink than to stay sober. For example I was told in the beginning that I should do 90 meetings in 90days. Well of course I didn't do it because I didn't have the time and thought it was silly.
Then I turned it around. If someone told me that I had to go to this meeting in order to get my booze I would have gone with no questions ask. In fact, I would have shown up early hoping I could leave earlier to get back to drinking. I wouldn't have cared at all what they talked about or if the program was for me or not. I could always find the time to drink, but when it came to things that I needed to do in recovery, I couldn't find the time. It is a hard habit to break.
I would have done anything to get the booze. I needed to do the samething in recovery.
I'm not judging you or anything like that just sharing what it was like for me in the beginning
.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
scintillady, AA is one way....Today, though, there are many alternatives: AVRT, Women for Sobriety, SR, etc. These were not around in 1991 when I first went to AA in 1991 and stayed sober for 8 YEARS. But, I always maintained that "someday" would be able to drink like a normal person (whatever that is)....Obviously, with that thinking, I relapsed. Back to AA for another 3 years...relapsed. AA for another 4...moved to Costa Rica and wasn't accountable to anyone or anything. Started drinking again about 2 1/2 years ago. The last month of my drinking, I became a daily drinker....now I am on day 41....just using SR. Use whatever tools you can find. Whatever works for you. You can do this!
All the best!
All the best!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Why did you start again?
In gross oversimplification, the key to sobriety is first to quit, and then to not start again, so analysis of why you started back up is pretty useful.
My relapses were in significant part because I thought I could find a happy medium (which never panned out, just took awhile to face that reality), and because I was afraid of how my life would change if I took alcohol out of my life completely (some of those things I was afraid of came to pass, but the good things far outweigh the bad). Of course it's more complicated than that, but those are part of the story.
So, do you know why you started back up?
In gross oversimplification, the key to sobriety is first to quit, and then to not start again, so analysis of why you started back up is pretty useful.
My relapses were in significant part because I thought I could find a happy medium (which never panned out, just took awhile to face that reality), and because I was afraid of how my life would change if I took alcohol out of my life completely (some of those things I was afraid of came to pass, but the good things far outweigh the bad). Of course it's more complicated than that, but those are part of the story.
So, do you know why you started back up?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Ya know, sometimes, I think I just had some of those "blank spots" that the BB talks about prior to picking up a drink. My (then) sponsor used to ask me what triggered my relapse....and I could never really come up with an answer.....it just sort of "happened". This time, when I have a craving, I am thinking about what is going on around me, how I am feeling, etc. in hopes to help identify the cause of the desire, craving, etc. It seems to be very helpful.....
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