animalnurse9

After almost 3 weeks. Last night after an awful day ( not an excuse I know) I came home with a bottle of wine. I'm not going to keep going on a binge, I know that.but just gutted. Sent stupid txts.made a fool of myself. I wish I was the kind of person that had girlfriends who come over and hang all the time and I could call all the time, but I've never really been like that, tend to prefer solitude. Just really struggling with the loneliness of not having trav around and feeling alone. I'm contradicting myself all the time, I realize that.just bleugh.anyways back on the wagon. Just saw this quote 'the door is wide open, do not go back to sleep' Rumi.

ScottFromWI

Perhaps you could find an alternative to going out and buying a bottle when you feel down? An AA/NA meeting perhaps? You don't even need to say a word or even think about working the steps/etc - just listen to those who have the same issues that you do with drinking. Or come here - there is always someone around and you can jump in the chat room. Or maybe some resources like a hotline or local addiction center? Perhaps a volunteer position somewhere?

Either way, i'm sorry to hear you drank - but nothing's gonna change if you don't make the effort to start doing things differently.

animalnurse9

What I would usually do is come and read posts here, but I was so full of rage and upset I really wasn't thinking straight. Not into meetings, I see a counselor instead but that's for the suggestions

animalnurse9

Oops I mean *thanks not thats

mecanix

Hey ,
glad to have you back on the sober path

Alcohol never cured my loneliness , lack of girlfriends to hang with or trav around issues

Stay cool , maybe change something , sometimes you got to force yourself to get the help you need with stuff … Learning to make friends can be difficult, it's an art i have to practice rather than something that comes naturally …

one day at a time , make a change and see where you get . You get a brand new day to try again tomorrow

Bestwishes, m

Dee74

I know you're not into meetings AN but don't you reckon it might be worth a second thought?

It could be a way to make new friendships, get out of your own head a little, and deal with some of that loneliness and despair?

D

animalnurse9

I'm a little concerned that you had trav issues m lol thanks for ur post. I dunno Dee, in reality I have lovely friends, I see a group of them twice a week at least for boxing and zumba, but I think it's more living alone that's a problem. Its a love/hate situation. Love living alone, hate getting lonely. I'll think about the meetings, but I really didn't like going :-\

nogard

Dee has a great point. Its good to be amongst those who understand what your going through and to hear how they deal with it. Its also great to post here and to talk about whats going on for you.

chaili05

I would definitely think about the meetings. I've been attending AA meetings recently and I actually don't work the steps at all nor do I have a sponsor (not saying this is right for everyone, I'm still figuring out my program) and it's nice sometimes just to be surrounded by people who understand how I'm feeling, even if it's unspoken and I don't have to necessarily participate. Especially when I'm feeling down, it's nice just to go and sit and listen.

mecanix

(P.S. i don't really have trav around issues but didn't want to sound ignorant as to what they might be )

Hevyn

At least it didn't turn into a long binge, animalnurse. Maybe you just needed a little more convincing that there's nothing for you in that bottle of wine. Glad you confessed and are trying again.

JaylaaKent

Your way doesn't seem to be working out so well. I was like you "I got this - I'm doing it my way". .... yeah - my company ended up being nurses and I was not alone at night because I ended up in hospitals. The elevator can keep going down............I guess I chose to get off it and do what someone else told me, since my way was not working. I hope you can find something to help you. Have you talked to your insurance company about intensive outpatient therapy? They usually have programs you can go to every night - I was totally against it at first, but now I'm three months sober - seriously considering doing it. Funny how my brain is getting "better" since I have time between me and that bottle.

anchorbird

You are getting right back on track, that is key right now. Keep it up!

chaili05

Jaylaa that's a really good point. I'm 23 days sober today and keep going back and forth between "my way" and what everyone else is saying... I have insurance (right now, might not have it much longer) and am participating in intensive outpatient. I LOVE the groups through my insurance, would definitely recommend.

animalnurse9

Hey, thanks for that. No I don't have insurance, its not that common here.im hopping onto the NZ aa website today, I'll see what's out there.

least

I hope this can be your last day one.

MIRecovery

I got into meetings when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired

KateL

Chat room doesn't work for me. I think I need a new computer. This one is a dinosaur.

KateL

Day one is good. Chin up and good luck xx

anyistoomuch

For a long time my bottles of wine were my boyfriend, my confidant, and my buddy. Eventually, I realized wine didn't love me back.

I know what you mean about having crap days and then wanting to give yourself something to make the day a little better. It's also easier to go into an empty house when you don't really want to be alone if you bring in your good buddy wine. That's been me for about 12 years.

But it is a slippery slope. Wine's bad company.