Notices

self destructive?

Old 11-22-2013, 09:54 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
thatslife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: philadelphia
Posts: 47
self destructive?

now that i have been clean a few weeks im starting to realize why i was using. im starting to think im punishing myself for the pain i have caused others i really dont know what else i could have been using for. when i started to use opiates i was 21 and in college having the best time of my life with no problems whatsoever, had a great childhood, now im 25 and lost alot because of it. im not a depressed person but it just seems others care about my wellbeing more than myself, i honestly have never been scared of death even though im not suicidal at all. i feel like i get pleasure from the pain of this addiction in some sick sort of way, i really dont know im just confused and trying to figure out why i was using in the first place so i can handle it so i wont use again.
thatslife is offline  
Old 11-22-2013, 09:56 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,673
I was self destructive when drinking too. I didn't deserve a decent life and was resigned to the probability of drinking myself to death. Since I've gotten sober I don't feel like that anymore.
least is offline  
Old 11-22-2013, 10:07 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Nottingham (UK)
Posts: 2,690
Me too, Least - me too!! Xx
Skye2 is offline  
Old 11-22-2013, 11:27 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,961
I started using drugs because I liked the way they made me feel. I wanted to feel good, be happy, and drugs were the acceleration lane to that emotion. Then I got addicted. Any self-destructiveness was a result of the addiction, not the cause.

What I'm saying is this, at some point "why" you used took a back seat to "needing" to use. If you think a lot of self therapy will keep you clean, great. But for now, keep it simple. Don't use, no matter what, and start living the kind of life that support your recovery.

Good luck.
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 11-22-2013, 11:31 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
thatslife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: philadelphia
Posts: 47
yeah i agree the needing happened pretty fast and everything went downhill after that i guess i just liked how it made me feel but there has to be other reasons why i liked how it made me feel, i just feel like everyone likes how opiates/drugs/alcohol makes them feel but not everyone gets addicted
thatslife is offline  
Old 11-22-2013, 11:35 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,961
There is a lot of information out there about the science of addiction, what it does to our brain and how addiction happens. Seek it out. I don't think any reading/thinking on addiction and recovery is wasted.
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 11-22-2013, 12:27 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
Any self-destructiveness was a result of the addiction, not the cause.
That was definitely the case for me. People would ask, "Why do you want to ruin your life?"

I didn't want to ruin my life. I wanted to get drunk.

Getting drunk was ruining my life, but the ruination was never my goal.

I don't think I've ever been able to adequately explain that to a non-addict. I believe my wife and parents (not addicts) are still convinced my drinking was caused by self-destruction.

Good luck on your journey!
Nonsensical is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:33 AM.