9 days sober! Although loneliness is setting in
 

Since my 4-year engagement ended two weeks ago due to alcohol, I lost my only social medium and outlet. We did everything together so I never bothered to make other friends. Now it's just me and 4 walls (and this forum) at night. Although I have been able to put alcohol out of my mind, the loneliness is setting in. :gaah

A great way to stay sober and meet people are 12 Step Meetings. It's true...we are not a glum lot! :Dance7: I don't know your age, our son belonged to a local Young People in A.A., .... Yoga Parties, Halloween & New Years Eve dances, bbq's, nighttime meetings at the beach with bonfire etc etc.
My home group this year....Vegas Weekend, camping weekend at the beach, BBQ & picnics, Bingo, New Years Eve party/dance coming up etc etc. I hope this was a bit helpful. I know that I am not alone in my journey, I just had to be willing. Bobbi

Iv'e been to four meetings this week. Lots of f-bombs, cigerettes, retrospect and good ideas but no-one I see myself hanging around with.

Beachboy, your grieving a loss that even without the issues with alcohol would leave you feeling sad and lonely. Hang in there. Why not go to a meeting? See what they're all about.

Okay - I'll try it again.

Sorry beachboy, I didn't see your post that you had already tried AA. How about Smart Recovery? or Another sobriety group?

BeachyBoy, Please don't give up there are so many meetings. I also go to Cocaine Anonymous meetings (2 a week). AA or CA, they both follow the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions, and The Big Book. Many of us go to both meetings. Ciggies?? They aren't allowed (nor the e-cigs or the vapes) in the actual meetings. YES, the f-bombs are everywhere. I go to meetings for me, my sobriety. I just have had to do my best to look past the cussing. As the months went by, and I attended some picnics & such I began to get to know people in 'real' life. I continue to go to events, and now enjoy getting to know people in a different, non-meeting way. But, it's not for everyone I know. Bobbi

Hey Beachy Boy :)

I'm sorry you're lonely - i think as someone said it's a natural reaction to all you've been through tho.

My advice is don't be in too much of hurry tho - you've been through a lot and it's probably a good idea to take the social thing slowly and concentrate on staying sober, and on getting to know yourself again first.

A lot of my loneliness sprang from my fear of being alone in my own company, so I know it probably doesn't sound too appealing right now... but I think it was well worth it for me.

After all, the longest relationship we'll ever have is with ourselves

There'll be time enough for social things again.

When you're ready and if the idea appeals, I can recommend volunteering in your community - it got me out of the house, connecting with people, and it helped me feel good about myself again.

D

Beachyboy...Dee and others are right. Even though a break up is painful, there's a journey of recovery ahead.

Any break up takes time and adjustment. It hurts. Particularly when the person who has been your source of comfort is now the source of pain. Add to that losing the crutch of alcohol.

Are there any counselling services or hotlines you could call, even just to talk out loud, get it off your chest? Have you spoken to your doctor about giving up alcohol?

You have to make a plan to cope with all this, get through it....painful as it is.

Thanks all! I can do this.

Hang in there, If the aa meetings aren't doing it maybe a gym, it gets you out of the house and around people and gets you moving. Years ago when I went through a bad break-up I started going to a gym and it helped a lot. Good luck in whatever you do.

I've been mostly single since beginning of the year, then added sobriety in summer, so like you I have a fair amount of time to myself. I try to put that time to good use. There's all sorts of stuff I should have been doing but wasn't due to spending time drunk or maintaining a relationship, and a lot of things I've wanted to try but haven't ever gone and done. Now is a great opportunity for "me time". Develop a new passion or return to an old one. Get in killer shape! Learn to play music. Start painting. Write a book. Paint the living room. Volunteer your time to help others in need.

These are all "big" projects that can add meaning to life. One might argue, I suppose, that they are what adds meaning to life, period. It doesn't have to be you and the four walls unless you let it be that way.

When I first got sober, I'd been nursing myself through the pain and suffering that comes with divorce for about three years. After she left, I left my teaching position (probably a few moments before being asked to leave) and took a job as a bartender. I was drinking around the clock, and my mental state became progressively worse.

I was angry, frightened, depressed, suicidal and, yes, lonely, despite having lots of people around me for much of the time. I made the decision to stop in part because alcohol no longer worked for me, and was only bringing me to very dark places. I could no longer live in my own skin, and I felt as though the loss itself would kill me. And I generally hoped that it would.

When I put down the drink it was, for me, final. "One day at a time" didn't work for me, although I do appreciate and respect the power of that line of thinking...and living. I felt release from the knowledge that I never had to drink again. I achieved sobriety in AA, but that alone doesn't tell my story. The tremendous amount of support I received kept me going for a very long time, long enough that I stayed around to feel as though I was out of danger.

On nights when I chose to stay home alone, I could barely sit still, and the dark feelings overwhelmed me. So I went to several meetings each week, sometimes more than one meeting each day. I also refused to sit around and wait for sobriety to grace me with all its benefits. I got involved in a variety of activities, none of which had anything to do with replacing my ex-wife. In general, when I was not busy, I was not happy. My thinking was along the lines of, "She's not coming back. There's nothing I can do to bring her back, so I might just as well do things to keep me occupied, just in case she does come back."

There were still periods of extreme anguish and despair, but I often had something to look forward to in my then-busy schedule. My drinking buddies and I made an unspoken but mutual agreement to no longer hang out together. I got a sponsor who took me through AA's Twelve Steps. I went back to therapy. I made plans to go to graduate school, I started running 10K each day, and I (eventually) earned a black belt in a traditional style of martial arts. And I made supportive attachments in AA.

In retrospect, those days -- and the years that followed -- were among the happiest of my life. I'd committed to not drink, no matter what, and I made a leap of faith that there was a better way for me, the latter coming only after I attended several meetings.

I don't think I know anyone who went on to live a happy and sober life without a plan or without ongoing support. AA's Big Book is not a self-help book; it's a textbook that requires an experienced teacher for us to make sense of it, and to apply the Twelve Step principles in our daily lives.

Start now, AA or otherwise. There's a better life waiting for you. All you need to do is commit yourself to living it.

"The idea is to make decisions and act on them -- to decide what’s important to accomplish, to decide how something can best be accomplished, to find time to work at it and to get it done." -- Karen Kakascik

I can relate,lost my fiance 46 days ago and have been sober since

end game nyc, i can relate and oh how true ty