thought about drinking today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 304
thought about drinking today
I didn't drink, but I thought about drinking and it all because I walked out of an appointment momentarily believing that I didn't have a problem with alcohol. I have now 21 days and the memories of the times I blacked out, watched my stupid waistline get bloated and huge, the money draining from my account, and the fact that I did not have control over my desire to drink is fading. I know it's the AV, because if I didn't have an issue with alcohol I wouldn't be thinking about it right now at all. I wouldn't care about it.
Only I could take the words of a well meaning therapist and twist them into a phrase that says "the drinking isn't the problem...my x-y-z is the problem, and once you get back to base line you will be better, so don't worry about it - have a drink."
For a long time my wine was my boyfriend, my buddy, my companion, and my confidant. I don't have that anymore and my emotions are in revolt. I'll get through it - I am resilient.
But just because I don't "present as an alcoholic" and just because what I drank at night "is a lot but not excessive" (all said in the spirit of "you can get through this" not said meaning "you don't have a problem"), doesn't change my conviction that I KNOW I can no longer drink. AV can twist those words as much as its wants.
I CAN NOT DRINK. It is not a "lifestyle choice", its a matter of my happiness and sanity.
I won't drink.
Only I could take the words of a well meaning therapist and twist them into a phrase that says "the drinking isn't the problem...my x-y-z is the problem, and once you get back to base line you will be better, so don't worry about it - have a drink."
For a long time my wine was my boyfriend, my buddy, my companion, and my confidant. I don't have that anymore and my emotions are in revolt. I'll get through it - I am resilient.
But just because I don't "present as an alcoholic" and just because what I drank at night "is a lot but not excessive" (all said in the spirit of "you can get through this" not said meaning "you don't have a problem"), doesn't change my conviction that I KNOW I can no longer drink. AV can twist those words as much as its wants.
I CAN NOT DRINK. It is not a "lifestyle choice", its a matter of my happiness and sanity.
I won't drink.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,996
Well done, it's a hard road, but we must stay the course. Looks like you've gained a lot of insight.
I have too, but I'm struggling at almost 5 months. I guess we must be ever vigilant to that AV, and yeah, I know what you mean about losing your best friend, boy friend etc.
Got to utilize the "no contact" rule, it is the only thing that works!
Keep strong, and carry on!
I have too, but I'm struggling at almost 5 months. I guess we must be ever vigilant to that AV, and yeah, I know what you mean about losing your best friend, boy friend etc.
Got to utilize the "no contact" rule, it is the only thing that works!
Keep strong, and carry on!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Ahhhhhhhhhh, the ever present game of "Alcoholic Word Twister". I'm so glad that you didn't give in! 
On long term attempt #2 this is what I heard at a SMART meeting:
"SMART recognizes that you are striving to work on having a good quality of life. What is a good quality of life? That's up to you. You're obviously here because there's something that's keeping you from that. The key is to increase the quality by being realistic. If your drug of choice is alcohol then you recognize the fact that it's hindering quality. However, if you quit drinking and are going to sit there being an angry and resentful person is that really going to increase the quality of life?"
We all know that the above is meant to say "It's not enough to quit drinking, you need to find something that's going to help you to realize that your quality of life is improving and that you're happy about it".
What I heard was:
"If you're going to be upset and angry every day about quitting then what's the point? You might as well drink because if you don't you've actually decreased the quality of your life".
YUP, that's what I heard. Long term attempt #2 out the window.
The games we play.
So important to remind yourself why you quit when you start that manner of thinking which is exactly what you did!
On long term attempt #2 this is what I heard at a SMART meeting:
"SMART recognizes that you are striving to work on having a good quality of life. What is a good quality of life? That's up to you. You're obviously here because there's something that's keeping you from that. The key is to increase the quality by being realistic. If your drug of choice is alcohol then you recognize the fact that it's hindering quality. However, if you quit drinking and are going to sit there being an angry and resentful person is that really going to increase the quality of life?"
We all know that the above is meant to say "It's not enough to quit drinking, you need to find something that's going to help you to realize that your quality of life is improving and that you're happy about it".
What I heard was:
"If you're going to be upset and angry every day about quitting then what's the point? You might as well drink because if you don't you've actually decreased the quality of your life".
YUP, that's what I heard. Long term attempt #2 out the window.
The games we play.
So important to remind yourself why you quit when you start that manner of thinking which is exactly what you did!
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