3 months and its hard
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: wales, uk
Posts: 43
3 months and its hard
So I'm 3 months sober but I'm struggling a LOT with my emotions. One minute I'm on the floor bawling my eyes out the next I'm seething with anger. These feelings pivot around my ex, I'm so mad at him for not trying to make our relationship work when I'm being so good at staying sober. We have so much between us and I truly believe that we still have so much to gain but he wont even try and make it work not for our kids sake or the life we built together.
I am trying hard to keep the focus on me but it's so difficult, I am starting the steps with my sponsor and am learning so much about myself but he says he 'cant cope' with me. I don't even know what the hell that means and its hard to get him to elaborate on that.
I'm depressed beyond words and I wish to God I had never met alcohol.
I am trying hard to keep the focus on me but it's so difficult, I am starting the steps with my sponsor and am learning so much about myself but he says he 'cant cope' with me. I don't even know what the hell that means and its hard to get him to elaborate on that.
I'm depressed beyond words and I wish to God I had never met alcohol.
Good job on three months sober too! Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 425
You can't make people do anything. Don't get sober for anyone either. Sounds like you are not "over" your ex yet? I was really angry at my ex for not wanting our relationship to work (still am actually) but I had to stop letting it affect me. I can be angry, but not defeated....... I didn't fail (you didn't fail) at the relationship. It takes TWO to make a relationship succeed or fail. Sounds like he doesn't want a relationship with you - what can you do about it? Nothing - my daughter ran away with some loser she met online - I can't make her come home (she's 18 now) but I still struggle with it. When she ran off my drinking went into overdrive. It's easy to feel like a loser and beat yourself up and give yourself ONE MORE REASON to drink. Yeah - well the drinking didn't/doesn't work for me - hope since you are at 3 months you talk yourself into believing drinking isnt for you either. Getting sober won't repair any of our relationships to the way we want them, but it will help us deal better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I'm sorry you are struggling right now. Often when we get sober our relationships change. What I keep in mind for myself is that nothing is that important that I should give up my sobriety. That needs to be my priority. I need to learn to love myself before I can love someone else.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
I'm sorry Ash.
It's hard to break up at anytime, to break up over an addiction is ever harder to handle I think.
The thing is tho, fair or not, your ex has made a choice - he's moved on. I think you owe it to yourself and your kids to do the same.
I thought I would never love again - and then found the greatest love of my life.
I think it works so well because I'm the real me now 24/7
I hope it might happen like that for you too
D
It's hard to break up at anytime, to break up over an addiction is ever harder to handle I think.
The thing is tho, fair or not, your ex has made a choice - he's moved on. I think you owe it to yourself and your kids to do the same.
I thought I would never love again - and then found the greatest love of my life.
I think it works so well because I'm the real me now 24/7
I hope it might happen like that for you too
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 457
Congratulations on 3 months sober!
Going through the steps really helped me realize how hard living with an alcoholic can be. Your resentments are but a drop in his bucket of resentments towards you. Many you most likely don't even remember. It really takes a lot of time sober to regain a partners trust. If you are like me, you probably have quit several times only to go back to the bottle. It took my wife about six months of my sobriety before she began to get a glimmer of trust. It is all about you now, do it for yourself and everything else will fall in line.
Going through the steps really helped me realize how hard living with an alcoholic can be. Your resentments are but a drop in his bucket of resentments towards you. Many you most likely don't even remember. It really takes a lot of time sober to regain a partners trust. If you are like me, you probably have quit several times only to go back to the bottle. It took my wife about six months of my sobriety before she began to get a glimmer of trust. It is all about you now, do it for yourself and everything else will fall in line.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Clifton
Posts: 243
Congratulations on your 3 months.. The good thing is you are feeling your emotions now and the bad thing is you are feeling your emotions.. it is a rollercoaster that we are not use to dealing with sober and it takes time. I just made 4 months into my recovery and I am emotional and cranky the past 2 weeks... It is lessening and I am finding my serenity day by day again.. it takes time and trusting your higher power..
I would suggest that you concentrate on yourself and getting better before you worry about your ex and relationship, I don't know how much damage you did to your relationship and but it takes time to mend things and that isn't something you should be doing right now. The most important thing right now is for you to stay sober and work on yourself, the rest will come together eventually.
ODAT you can do this and stay strong..
I would suggest that you concentrate on yourself and getting better before you worry about your ex and relationship, I don't know how much damage you did to your relationship and but it takes time to mend things and that isn't something you should be doing right now. The most important thing right now is for you to stay sober and work on yourself, the rest will come together eventually.
ODAT you can do this and stay strong..
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