malcolmsloan

I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm actually a bit nervous. I have gone back and forth-sober-drink-sober-drink-sober-drink-for a very long time. I'm 42 and ready to break this pattern. Last week, I had 2 days without drinking and fell back again. I still function-get the kids ready, get them to school, get to work. . .But I use alcohol at night, to "relax" and get to sleep. I'm terrified of insomnia. It's the main reason I go back to drinking. Last night, the amount of alcohol I consumed was not enough to get me to sleep (get to sleep: my euphemism for passing out, I guess), so I rode my bike, in the rain, to the store at around 10:00. The store was closed (I don't know why, usually the close at 11:00). I stood, in the rain, soaking wet, on a Tuesday night when I had to get up at 5:00 AM, looking in at the booze. I suddenly remembered shoulder tapping at this same store in 7th grade. I thought of my wife and kids at home in bed. What the f#!@* am I doing! It's time for me to step up and take this seriously. I think God closed those doors on me for a reason: what they enclose is not his plan for me. I need to let his plan unfold. I don't know if anyone will read this or respond, and that's fine. It helps to write this and know that someone could read it. I'm scared of not sleeping tonight when I get home, but I'm going to commit, and saying it here in front of a (potential) audience really helps.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Malcolm
sometimes things like that can really give us an aha moment.

I've never regretted giving up the booze - I like being able to look at myself in the mirror again and not feel ashamed.

Giving up[ the booze is the first step in becoming who we really want to be - you'll find a lot of support here

D

Zube

God works in mysterious ways sometimes. Not going to lie to you, though- insomnia is a bit(h during detox. Keep close to your computer. We're open all night!

Zube

KateL

Fabulous xx

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! We all had a day 1!!

Anna

Welcome, and I know insomnia can be scary, but try to relax and know that you will get through it.

malcolmsloan

Wow, thanks for the responses everyone! I think it is really going to help me to not feel alone. I've tried to tell a few friends about my drinking issues, but they don't believe me. I have put up such a good front for so many years. I will need to vent, talk, share with people who understand. Tonight, I'm going to think positive and pray that sleep will come, but keep a lookout for me late--my insomnia gets nuts. At least I have an easy day at work tomorrow. Thanks again for the support.

Vigilance

Welcome. I suffered from insomnia for years, at some times I was sure it was going to drive me insane. I quit drinking and within 2 weeks was sleeping deeply for 7 hours a night. Never felt better