krs1

I was doing so good then stupidly had a 4 day binge and the anxiety I'm having is HORRIBLE!!! Last two days only had about 3 hours of sleep…I am so pissed at myself!!! My heart feels like it's gonna jump outta my body. Stupid me stupid me…I can't eat can't sleep oh I'm so mad at myself. When will I learn that it just gets worse with every relapse?????? uuuggghhh

Gilmer

Glad to see you, KRS!

ScottFromWI

Beating yourself up doesn't help anyone Krs, especially you. Perhaps you need a stronger system of support in place to keep you from drinking again, despite your knowledge of the consequences. SR is a great resource of course, but don't forget about AA/NA, secular methods, counseling, etc. Have you tried any of these?

Robert777

This too shall pass friend. If we relapse, it just means there is something missing in our plan for recovery. Forgive yourself and try and find what is missing and remedy it. Much Love.

NorCal1970

Hey krs,

All you can do is pick yourself up and keep trying. Maybe you should journal the way you feel right now so you have a reference of how bad it makes you feel when you drink for the next time you are tempted. Just a thought. Hang in there.

Dee74

I'm glad you're back krs

do you have a plan to do things differently this time?

D

Brianv2

I screwed up too. Happy day 1 and I hope your anxiety subsides quickly.

hellhammer

Welcome back! Nice first move! Youre already back on track!

Mountainmanbob

I learned with time
that thoughts and feelings such as the above
can be a very good teacher

why does it take some of us so long to learn ??

coming from a now sober slow learner

just -- keep trying and never give up -- worked for me -- finally

MM

krs1

Thanks so much nice feeling not to be judged. I'm on here everyday reading but haven't posted in well forever. Nor I totally put my crappy feeling in my *smartphone* (not so smart shoulda yelled at me when I picked a drink up lol) it's gonna remind me everyday what a dumb** I was!! Time for me to start interacting again. I don't do aa never connected. I'll tell us what vodka is NO friend of mine dirty beast besides it tastes like carp!!!!

krs1

Aaaaahhhhhhaaaaa crap not carp I guess it is kinda fishy lol

hellhammer

Youre right get control of that beast right away, human control beasts not the other way around, now stop beating yourself and look forward, theres a bright future for you!!!

hellhammer

Carp tastes like crap too anyway haha !

neferkamichael

Krs1, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on your horse, it's all you can do. Addiction to chemical substances is a powerful force over you, but it can be overcome. Just never give up. Rootin for ya.

Nonsensical

If never screwing up was a prerequisite for membership at SR, it would be awfully quiet around here.

Get back after it!

john24man

Its hard KRS...but keep the faith and never give up on yourself...pick yourself up,dust yourself off,re-focus and move forward again...KEEP YOUR HEAD UP!!!

Hevyn

Glad you came here to tell your tale. We all understand like no one else can!

I did the same thing many times KRS - and finally realized it does indeed get worse with every binge. We can't keep coming back from that abuse over & over. We have to let it go. You're on your way - and you can do it. You don't need that carp/crap. I have a feeling it's going to be a new beginning.

least

I hope this is your last day one.

krs1

Thank you so much y'all made me smile first time in 2 days!!! I send hugs to each and everyone of you!!! I will tame that damn beast oh wait I'm kicking his a** out for good!!! Your so right hellhammer carp is bad lol

digdug

I know you said you didn't connect with AA, but have you tried anything else like a secular based recovery program or counseling?

SR is a wonderful site and many people have gotten sober here, but sometimes we need a little extra help, especially face to face support.

Good luck!