okgma

My husband has been sober now for 9 months and is doing great. He's working hard to be a good man and a good husband. For 6 years before this he was drunk 24 hrs a day. During that time he was abusive, lied, cheated, stole...the usual. I went through a lot with him but stayed in there and helped him recover. I don't regret that at all. But....he will not talk about any of what he did to me during that time. He says he can't go there because it is too painful and that I should get over it and "let go, let God".
Should I find a way to deal with this myself or should he be willing to talk about it? I want to someday be able to forgive, but I don't think I can until he really aknowledges what he did.

ImperfectlyMe

Welcom okgma,
You're a good woman to stand by your man. Are you involved in alanon? I think in order to move on from his indescretions he must acknowledge them. Alcoholism is a desease of selfishness, the fact that he doesn't want to hash it out because of " his" pain is not ok. You need to have your pain acknowledged to prevent resentments. Trust me resentment will kill a marriage. Maybe some therapy for you alone would help.

I hope you can get your needs met, because you sound like a wonderful woman!

least

I agree that you might find some help in AlAnon. You need support for yourself and they can provide it. As to his acknowledging his mistakes and discretions, it may be painful for him but your feelings needs to be acknowledged too. Perhaps counseling for you or as a couple might help.

okgma

Thank you so much for your replies and support. I am involved with alanon and went to counseling for myself...while both have helped tremendously, counselor says I need to talk to him about this. I think next step will be to try couples counseling...that's a good suggestion.

whiskeyman

if he is like me, he still has guilt and shame about how he could have treated family the way he did.

give him time and he will let it go and let God take care of it by making amends to you.

I certainly did. but i had to be ready

Dee74

Hi and welcome OKgma

I hope, in time, he'll get to a point where he can get past his shame and guilt and realise he needs to talk to you about what happened and how it affected you both.

In the meantime, it's great you're in AlAnon and that you've joined us here

D

okgma

I know that he has a LOT of guilt and shame. I'm willing to give a little more time for his healing, but I require healing too. Thank you all for your input....very helpful.