thisibelieve

Hello all,

I started seeing a social worker last week regarding my problems with alcohol and anxiety, and she has agreed to work me under the condition that I will participate actively in AA. I think this is fair and have agreed to give it a try, the only problem is I am a little freaked out by the whole deal. On my own accord, for the past month, I have been attending AA speaker style meetings, that didn't require me to do much besides "learn to listen and listen to learn." Everyone was very welcoming, greeting me and providing me with lots of reading material to take home. I think that this was a good, tiny baby first step for me.

Today I went to my first discussion meeting, the topic being "acceptance." I sat towards the back and just listened to what everyone had to say. The problem that I have is two parts: I'm scared to death to speak up AND I have no idea what to say. I can barely accept the fact that I have to quit drinking in my own mind, let alone share this with other people. I am naturally very introverted and quiet in a crowd, so it's hard for me to speak in front of people....Also I don't feel like I have anything of worth to say to share with people. I'm at a kind of low in my life right now....I feel very blank and empty inside, I feel like a fraud in the crowd.

So I welcome any advice on how to speak up in a meeting, as well as what the heck I'm supposed to say!!!

I know that I"m probably blowing this up out of proportion at the moment, I'm just at a loss for words. I think that simply attending this meeting today was incredibly helpful for me, and I'm very grateful for everyone that was there, as well as all of you fine people

Thank you

awuh1

I would beg to differ. I think you are anything but a fraud. You are being true to your nature. You're an introvert. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, there is a saying that is sometimes tossed around at AA meetings that says "take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth". You are there to gain from the benefit of the experience of people who have been sober much longer than you have. That's done by listening, and fortunately that fits well with your introverted nature.

If you feel you must share, I would consider sharing about how difficult drinking has made your life. This is something that benefits those of us who have had some time since our last drink. It helps us remember some of what it was like' and provides a most valuable service.

JadeSatellite

You don't have to go into detail or give your whole life story - sometimes just telling other people who will understand, "I am an alcoholic and I am on a journey to becoming sober" can lift a weight off your heart. You don't need to be verbose, but sometimes just giving your name and saying a few words is incredibly cathartic. Have you thought about writing what you want to say down on a few notecards?

fini

what works for me is to say "i pass, thanks" when i really can't. which is rare.
other than that, i say something about what's in my head that relates to the topic.
so if i were you, going from what you say in your post, i'd probably sit there, grimace, say: "acceptance. right. I can barely accept the fact that I have to quit drinking in my own mind, let alone share this with other people. grrrr!!".
chances are, everyone understands, has been there.
chances are also that everyone knows there's not one fraudulent trick being played


no need to speak if you're not ready.
and if you want to try, just sticking to what you know about how it is for you....

thisibelieve

The notecard thing is a good idea. I'd like to try that.

Tamerua

I am really shy and introverted too, it is something I am working on. For one, you don't have to share, you can always pass. Also there is a formula for sharing! "Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now." When you share, recount how you used to be when drinking, what was the catalyst for change (if there was one) and why life is better now.

For the record... I'm a particularly good listener and I usually don't have much to say at meetings because I'm listening. lol it is always after that I think of things I could have said... Not that all quiet people are the same.

IOAA2

Hi. In my area it's common for people to just give their first name and then say I pass. I personally like to go to discussion meetings and take that idea with me as I sit down and I find it has a big advantage. It permits me to listen as opposed to my ego planning what I'm going to say. If I change my mind at the last minute then I am more informed and can speak if desired.

BE WELL

whiskeyman

Keep it simple.

Just pass. I wasnt able to talk intelligently for a long time.

KateL

It'll come out when you're ready. I hated it at first but after a while, quite enjoyed it. My group were a humorous lot which was right up my street

least

I like the idea of saying that you're having a hard time accepting that you have to quit drinking. That's certainly true. Other than that, just give your name and say "I'll just listen".

anchorbird

You will know when you are ready, and then try to remember that your words are welcome at a meeting. They can help more than just you.