ok friends
 

Ok friends. I'm just so lost. People always tell me you're so nice, so sweet, so quiet. I hate that ****. truth is Im fake. Fake fake fake. Never really saw it until now, i alias (autocorrect for always But it fits really) thought i was Those things, But im sweet and quiet and nice because Im afraid to be who i really am. I've never felt accepted. I've only been my true self to .... No one. I'm not evil or anything but Is it possible to be a sociopath with empathy... What is that?

Just wonder if this "fakeness" is common for users.

I think it is common for addicts.

I think we can think too much sometimes too :)

I've known you for a while - I think you are all those things - noones that good an actor...

but you're obviously more than that too - that's what makes everyone of us interesting and unique.

I was scared that I would change into someone I didn't recognise when I got sober. That didn't happen.

What happened was I re-discovered the real, pre drinking me...& y'know...I still really like who that guy is...no need for fakery either :)

You can't be lost if you're heading somewhere BBF...fears common - we're letting go of an entire lifestyle...but try not to sweat it too much - s'ok :)

D

No it's not possible to be a sociopath with empathy. It goes against the definition. So why are you afraid to be who you really are? Is that person to scary? Or are you to scared to find out?

I'm afraid you don't fit the bill for psychopath if you can put yourself in other peoples shoes.

Ever consider a career in diplomacy?

Truth be told id cry hard if I killed a bunny let alone a person. What the **** am i then.?

Dee, I don't know who I am, and that's not your responsibility, but you hit the nail on the head.

BBF - I didn't know who the hello I was when I began recovery. I found out that not only was I an addict, but I was a codependent (which let to addiction) and I couldn't even remember what I liked to do or not do.

I convinced myself that I would give myself 6 months, all I had, to recovery. That's when I found out I was definitely a codie (codependent). I clung to posts on here every day. I don't think it was long until I realized I DID have issues, and I needed to deal with them.

I've got near 6 years in recovery, and I found out that not only do I appreciate things I did from decades ago, I appreciate things that I never would have noticed.

I lost my stepmother on Nov. 7th, from an accidental OD. I found her, I tried CPR (former RN who lost that career to addiction), and I couldn't bring her back.

My gift of recovery? Her granddaughter that she and my dad raised (her mom was killed in a car wreck, her dad is an active A) is that she and I have a bond. She is learning that words don't mean nearly as much as actions. She has told her dad "Amy straightened HER life out, what IS your problem?!?!" She recognizes enabling and addiction.

Sorry for the novel, but I can only tell you I didn't know who or what I truly was until I had time in recovery, and I'm very grateful for all that I've learned....mostly from people here:)

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Are you trying to say you don't express what you really think and feel?

I think i didn't know what was real or fake on the start of my sober journey, you could have convinced me i'd have had all kinds of problems.

I think i'm getting the feel for myself after 2 years sober though .

keep on , m

it was only when I stopped drinking that over time I found I became more "authentic" (for want of a better term) it takes a while and I am still a work in progress. I really have a hard time giving "feedback" to others I either don't do it or I over do it- I'm learning

In retrospect I can see drinking limited my capacity to grow emotionally

I was full of self centered self loathing....then I used those 12 steps. Today I don't feel what I used to feel....I'm okay in my own skin today and know myself better.