anchorbird

I just went to the basement to switch the laundry out (where his office is and he works from when not traveling) and he hurriedly put a glass into his bag. I asked him why he would do that and he replied with "I don't know." I noticed some brown liquid in the glass when I saw him do this. After folding the laundry I went to look in his bag and he snatched it away from me and told me to stay out.

I am about to go to the gym to let off some steam. He is on a conference call so he won't even notice I am gone.

I just feel so hurt that I got scolded, lectured, talked down to, then we spoke more and he said he understood, AND he is drinking right now and hiding/lying about it to me. I don't know what to do. I thought he would be more supportive than this. He obviously had to go to the liquor store today and buy because that has been a rule in our house since my first attempt at getting sober; no liquor or wine in the house!

ScottFromWI

As you well know as an alcoholic Anchor, drinking and alcoholism makes us do things we normally woudln't. You also know that no matter what anyone else does, only the alcoholic him or herself can seek help and make the decision to quit.

Although it will be difficult, my advice to you is to focus on your recovery. There is nothing you can do about your husband's drinking anyway unless he asks for help - so work on getting better yourself. You will be in a much better position to help if he asks for it sober.

Thepatman

I'm really sorry for what you are going trough. Could it be that he is an Alchoholic in denyal? Just hold on to your own sobriety at all cost. Let him have the hangover tomorow.

Take care

Gilmer

I hope he gets to the point where he feels that it's right to give it up, too! I'm sorry that he lectured you and talked down to you. You are doing the right thing not drinking. Don't lose your resolve just because he's got feet of clay.

anchorbird

Part of me is understanding now I went against what I said I was and I relapsed on Saturday but I have paid for it with enough shame on myself and from him.

jdooner

Okay

First, I am sorry. Second, given it is around noon and your husband is drinking alone in your cellar, I am guessing you realize he has a problem with alcohol not the fact that he broke your rules about having alcohol in the house?

This is fairly common, often we mistake codependency for our own alcoholism.

I don't think this has to do with you or lack of support, I think he has a problem. I think you might want to have an open talk but you need to focus on your own sobriety.

My wife is an alcoholic and when I got sober, I had a frank talk and said there is no us unless we both get sober bc I know how this movie will end. She hits 60 days tomorrow and we are both in a great place right now and sober. I hope your husband wants to change for himself and what he won't have if he does not.

Leana

I didn't ban alcohol from my house when I stopped, I figured this was my issue and I would deal with it. If someone else wanted to drink that was their issue.

Your rule about no alcohol in the house may have been what you needed to stop drinking but I think to some degree it forced your husbands hand. If he does have a problem with alcohol he had 2 choices - he could either drink secretly or he could openly defy you and drink in front of you. Your rule also forced him to see the role alcohol plays in his life.

Let's put this another way, during your active drinking, how would you have reacted to him making a rule about no alcohol or drinking in the house? Would you have gone along with it? Openly defy him? Or would you have been drinking secretly.

Be honest with yourself and maybe you can see that your husbands actions may be less about support and more about being unable to abide by the no alcohol rule.

resolute50

I agree with Leana.
All the "no alcohol rule" does is cause closet drinking.
I know,hid it or tried to hide it for years.

ScottFromWI

Careful there - "paying" for a relapse would infer that drinking is worth something to begin with - and it also sounds like you might be trying to somehow justify it.

Your best bet is to work on taking care of yourself and moving on with sobriety. You already went to a meeting and were honest about it there, that's a good thing. As they say....the wisdom to know the difference, right?

KateL

Exactly the same thing happened to me. He was the biggest hypocrite ever!

hellhammer

Keep ur stuff straight and talk to him, if he wanna continue drinkin its his problem, but for your part, stay strong and carry on!! Im with you!

pattyj

My ex did the same thing. He said he wanted to show me what it feels like to have your partner hiding something from you. Very childish and a real eyeopener. We broke up. A few months later, tried it again. We realized that I have completely changed and no longer want what he is. He will always want to drink; i.e. he also has a problem but since it's not as bad as me, he doesn't think he does. Good luck. My advice is to do what feels right to you, no matter what anyone says, and do what you need to do to stay sober; no matter what your husband thinks. If he won't change to support you, then maybe it's not the best situation. I understand that others shouldn't have to change for us but if it's what you need for survival then he should. If someone can't quit alcohol then they perhaps have a problem as well.