Reboswon

I have been in recovery for the past 6 months. During this time of continuous activity and familiarising myself with a whole new world of beneficial and healthy involvement, I find constant small hurdles along the way. One of the hurdles I am referring to is the decision to interact socially in environments that were once so much fun. An environment that allowed you to socially interact with a similar mindset as everyone around you. It may have been a party or a hotel, or going to see a band. I am by no means implying that I am now unable to attend these activities and find some enjoyment. I am referring to the eventual behavioural changes of others whilst I am still sober. The surrounding mood and atmosphere changes to the merry where inhibitions subside. This makes the environment much more awkward for me to be in as the mindset between the drinker and the sober are now drawn apart. It becomes a challenge to be involved with your partner who is a drinker and you don't want to disassociate yourself. It's the slow process of recovery.
Can anyone else provide some insight to assist with this challenge?

IOAA2

I know it's very difficult for people to follow "directions" as it might seem to be admitting defeat. Well alcohol has defeated us and many have surrender and accepted it. Research these threads and we see that recovery takes that four letter word TIME. Some more than others. I personally think that 6 months is part of a fragile period where outside past and present influences are so fresh to us. It may work for awhile and we may get cocky and figure we're ok now and suddenly we get hit with the same old same old. JMO

BE WELL

least

I have no insight into your thoughts but want to welcome you to SR!

Reboswon

Thanks everyone for your kind welcome and useful feedback. 6 months is only the beginning and what a ride it has been.
I have reflected on my past in an attempt to understand how I reached the stage of "rock bottom" (a term used by many with a diverse range of interpretations mainly reflecting their own experiences) in my case "rock bottom" happened twice. The first occasion was a cry for help in a way at the time (heavily under the influence) that many would consider selfish. From the outside it may have looked like an attempt of suicide. Somehow I seemed to know exactly what I was doing to injure myself enough to draw the attention
I needed in a superficial manner. The mental frame of mind at the time was one of severe depression trying to understand why I have been unable to take control of my addiction. I was so disappointed in myself regarding the continuous denial of the truth. The truth that deep inside I knew was a reality.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Reboswon

I don't like being around drunk people...it brings up too many memories that are close to home I think.

I don't go out as much - I never really liked parties...they were only an excuse to drink to excess with social sanction anyway - I usually socialise at home...but when I do go out all my friends are either non drinkers or normal social drinkers now.

If my 'posse' is not there I gravitate to those kinds of people in the room - the ones not intent on drinking themselves into oblivion.

D

Reboswon

Thanks Dee74

My challenge currently consists of having close friends that are very supportive but at times tend to let their guard down. It's when this occurs that I feel most uncomfortable. This is usually the time that I decide I would like to leave. This is also though the time when my partner is still enjoying herself. Even though she has informed me on every occasion that she is happy to leave then as well. I still want her to have a good time and feel guilty asking her to come with me.

Bilr44

I'm also in the same boat. I have to attend my wife's social functions for work and they always involve alcohol. I end up being bored as I am usually one of the few non drinkers in the crowd. I haven't been tempted to drink, and my wife knows of my intentions, but it's just not as fun anymore. I would be just as content to sit at home, and a lot more comfortable.

Dee74

always have an escape plan.

My wife and I eventually settled on the plan that if one of us felt tried, bored, or whatever and the other didn't...the tired party could go home.

We're both approaching old and decrepit lol so it very rarely happens that one of us stays, but at least the ideas there

D

Croissant

Hi Reboswon and welcome.

Firstly, don't be too hard on yourself about not wanting to be around drunk people. My Father has never been a drinker and there does become a point where you can't socially interact with people who are just too drunk.

There is nothing wrong with leaving with good grace at that point.

I sense in your post though (and I could be wrong), that it's confronting to be in those situations....and if it's a high percentage of your social life to be at those kinds of parties, I could see it being stressful to yourself and your relationship. If that is the only way you can socialise with your friends, on their terms, ie, drinking....then you have to ask yourself, is it sustainable? And also....if all your interaction is just when they are drinking, what is the 'friendship' (in the full definition of the word) grounded on?

Maybe that is what you are questioning, is this sustainable and what needs to change? Particularly if you are feeling like the non drinking killjoy. Being sober should feel positive!

I've been lucky, most of my friends are happy to catch up in non drinking situations or drink moderately. Ie, a glass with a meal if we catch up for dinner.
Are there options to socialise with them in different ways, other than drinking at parties...a shared interest perhaps?

Reboswon

Hi Croissant,
Thanks for your welcome and also valued advice. I appreciate the thoughts from anyone who has taken time to read my thoughts.
You are absolutely correct regarding the particular social events that mainly involve the environment that encompasses a drinking culture being unsustainable. I do also attend various other get togethers with the same friends without or minimal exposure to alcohol. They are very understanding. My wife is also very understanding. I am attempting to find a balance of inclusion for both of us that still involves our friends but also allows my wife to enjoy herself as well as varying outings to assist with my recovery. It's a continuous learning curve. I suppose it's more the gap between sober and alcohol affected minds I am attempting to deal with.