Ted...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: laughing at my avatar
Posts: 1,636
dear ted,
i dont know if you're out there with access to a computer, but just thought i'd send you a message. many times i would go out with the intention of not coming back. when i used, i didnt care about yesterday or tomorrow, just gettting that euphoric superwoman high. it is easier to live without remembering a yesterday or having to deal with a tomorrow.
theres always hope though ted. its a dark hole you're in thats for sure. we get immersed back in the craphole life we lived ... out for weeks, stealing, slacking off our responsibilities, associating with the old friends who have all that time on their hands just waiting for the next incarceration ... you know the drill. but the thing is, when we go back out, it feels like a perfect fit! what the heck is that all about anyways??!
i dont want to sound redundant, but its because we're addicts. the natural thing to do is use or medicate in some way shape or form. you're a very positive dude, ted. your posts were so full of hope and you are such a rockstar!
let me share with you one short story. when i was out on the streets at about ... 17 i think, all my life consisted of was trying to run away from the crap and corruption. in all my dealings with people i was very angry and full of hate. it was februaryish around 11pm in san diego (not too cold compared to the rest of the country but pretty damn cold) and i was laying on a bus bench with my head on my ex's lap (not a sexual way or anything). i was very sick, i had bronchitis (but didnt know it at that time) and i truly felt in my heart that i was better off there than facing the music. no, things werent very good at home (and still arent very great).
the thing is ... is that my addiction had me thinking it would be better to be laying there in the cold with a heck of an infection in janky clothes than to pick myself up and dust off ... i ran for a long time and everytime i got up and ran it got harder and harder to come back. its always going to look good out there ... whether "there" is a bar, a bus bench, a park bench, a sidewalk, the dopeman/woman ... just know that when you're ready to come back from "there" we are still here! well, i can only hope that i am still here.
ummm ... im pretty stubborn, just ask roy. so ill be sure to check in here from time to time and write you long friggin notes about how "we're still here" and how i hope you will come back and join us soon ... okay dokay rockstar?
hugs and much love,
dotster
i dont know if you're out there with access to a computer, but just thought i'd send you a message. many times i would go out with the intention of not coming back. when i used, i didnt care about yesterday or tomorrow, just gettting that euphoric superwoman high. it is easier to live without remembering a yesterday or having to deal with a tomorrow.
theres always hope though ted. its a dark hole you're in thats for sure. we get immersed back in the craphole life we lived ... out for weeks, stealing, slacking off our responsibilities, associating with the old friends who have all that time on their hands just waiting for the next incarceration ... you know the drill. but the thing is, when we go back out, it feels like a perfect fit! what the heck is that all about anyways??!
i dont want to sound redundant, but its because we're addicts. the natural thing to do is use or medicate in some way shape or form. you're a very positive dude, ted. your posts were so full of hope and you are such a rockstar!
let me share with you one short story. when i was out on the streets at about ... 17 i think, all my life consisted of was trying to run away from the crap and corruption. in all my dealings with people i was very angry and full of hate. it was februaryish around 11pm in san diego (not too cold compared to the rest of the country but pretty damn cold) and i was laying on a bus bench with my head on my ex's lap (not a sexual way or anything). i was very sick, i had bronchitis (but didnt know it at that time) and i truly felt in my heart that i was better off there than facing the music. no, things werent very good at home (and still arent very great).
the thing is ... is that my addiction had me thinking it would be better to be laying there in the cold with a heck of an infection in janky clothes than to pick myself up and dust off ... i ran for a long time and everytime i got up and ran it got harder and harder to come back. its always going to look good out there ... whether "there" is a bar, a bus bench, a park bench, a sidewalk, the dopeman/woman ... just know that when you're ready to come back from "there" we are still here! well, i can only hope that i am still here.
ummm ... im pretty stubborn, just ask roy. so ill be sure to check in here from time to time and write you long friggin notes about how "we're still here" and how i hope you will come back and join us soon ... okay dokay rockstar?
hugs and much love,
dotster
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by dotcom
ummm ... im pretty stubborn, just ask roy. so ill be sure to check in here from time to time and write you long friggin notes
Ted, now you have to come back and save us man!Just kidding
com. awesome post.Also Ted, gods and I are getting our schwangs kicked in the last word thread...
Dot's right Ted, I ain't ready to let you go. You worked too hard. You're not the only one to ever relapse. I fell, and sometimes I fell hard. And the longer I stayed out the more pain I endured, because somewhere in the back of my drug addled brain was this memory of sober days, where I was somewhat free of my disease. This is only the second time in my life Ted that I have more than a couple weeks of sober time. And both of these happened in the last six months, after rehab. You worked so hard Ted. We just hate seeing you hurt.
It breaks my friggin heart.
Wherever you are Iron Man, I've got a
for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
I agree (((Mike))) nice post ((((Dot))))
Keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers Ted...I hope you know how much you are missed...you must be feeling some sort of vibes coming from all of us.
Keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers Ted...I hope you know how much you are missed...you must be feeling some sort of vibes coming from all of us.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: laughing at my avatar
Posts: 1,636
good evening ted,
i keep hoping to read a post from you
! how long are you going to make us wait? *heeheehee* ive got a lot of time on my hands so ... 
anywho, i got really angry today and i just HATE getting really angry. makes me turn red. i didnt walk such a very good walk today. it was more like limping. thats it, i limped through today because sometimes we just have to limp.
no one's perfect ted, hard to swallow sometimes i know. i say im not perfect then i let myself believe otherwise. well, have a nice evening and HURRY BACK! im leaving the light on
.
hugs and love,
dotster
i keep hoping to read a post from you
! how long are you going to make us wait? *heeheehee* ive got a lot of time on my hands so ... anywho, i got really angry today and i just HATE getting really angry. makes me turn red. i didnt walk such a very good walk today. it was more like limping. thats it, i limped through today because sometimes we just have to limp.
no one's perfect ted, hard to swallow sometimes i know. i say im not perfect then i let myself believe otherwise. well, have a nice evening and HURRY BACK! im leaving the light on
.hugs and love,
dotster
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
That's right Ted........ we're all missing and wondering about you. When I first joined SR you made me laugh. You are one kick :shakin funny guy. Come back and make us laugh again. On the DQ thread, I posted a banana angel for you. I mean, who knew there even WAS a banana angel? I didn't.....a HP sent the angel just for you.......just for you Ted. When you come back you can read all the posts and see how much we care and miss you. Someone else misses you too. 
Remember him? SURE YOU DO.........Your the :king: of the dancing bananas.
Come back soon,
Talia
Remember him? SURE YOU DO.........Your the :king: of the dancing bananas.Come back soon,
Talia
Still hangin` on...
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: MA
Posts: 337
Wtf!!!!!
Ted--
What is going on--Im gone 2 1/2 weeks and I come back to find your gone!!!
Whats going on??? Listen--you know what hell Ive been going through with trying to stay clean. You were ALWAYS there to tell me to dust myself off and put away the "shame stick"--TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE!!!!
If you dont know--I f***ed-up AGAIN!!! A little worse this time--almost didnt come back. The night before I left for detox/rehab I gave up. Didnt care about anyone or anything!! Just wanted it all to go away!! But someone had other plans for me--I woke up the next morn and was really trully amazed that I was here. REALLY-- Put ALOT of crap into my body!!! I need you Ted!! We all do!~!!
Please--theres nothing out there for you!!! You know that!!
Please
:heart:
Ann
What is going on--Im gone 2 1/2 weeks and I come back to find your gone!!!
Whats going on??? Listen--you know what hell Ive been going through with trying to stay clean. You were ALWAYS there to tell me to dust myself off and put away the "shame stick"--TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE!!!!
If you dont know--I f***ed-up AGAIN!!! A little worse this time--almost didnt come back. The night before I left for detox/rehab I gave up. Didnt care about anyone or anything!! Just wanted it all to go away!! But someone had other plans for me--I woke up the next morn and was really trully amazed that I was here. REALLY-- Put ALOT of crap into my body!!! I need you Ted!! We all do!~!!
Please--theres nothing out there for you!!! You know that!!
Please
:heart:
Ann
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: laughing at my avatar
Posts: 1,636
Dear ted,
hey, i'm still here waiting to hear from you ... not going anywhere! wished you were at the online meeting tonight! because you rock
!!!
you KNOW how good of listeners we are, even if what you have to say isn't what you think we want to hear. hang in there ted. you will rock on. no one's giving up on ya here!
hugs and love,
dot
hey, i'm still here waiting to hear from you ... not going anywhere! wished you were at the online meeting tonight! because you rock
!!!you KNOW how good of listeners we are, even if what you have to say isn't what you think we want to hear. hang in there ted. you will rock on. no one's giving up on ya here!
hugs and love,
dot
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
Originally Posted by 1Marty
I really miss the stay strongs all over theese boards! Ted you are a great person who really has the gift to help others.
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