clownface

Hi everyone, just wanted to say hello! i've joined this forum hoping to get a bit of support on my journey to sobriety. I have a very loving husband but he refuses to consider I have a problem with drinking at all and is very against me stopping. He is concerned how it will affect us socially. This is making my journey really hard. I have been sober 28 days and wake each day feeling fantastic and so glad to have this new relationship with alcohol but am nervous of upcoming social situations. I have a girls weekend this week which would normally mean I would probably drink 2 bottles of wine each evening, at least. I am not even that worried about not drinking but worried of what my friends will think about me not drinking. (they drink sociably but never as heavy as I would) Is it strange for me to worry that they will 'think I am an alcoholic' because I'm choosing to be sober? It seems ironic that I worry about this now when I didn't when I was drinking with them (but far more). Any advice would be great.

Raider

Wow 28 days!!!! So good for you!!! I wouldn't worry one bit about girls weekend. If they are your friends, they will understand and support you. Bless your heart!!

NorCal1970

28 days is an amazing accomplishment! I'm with raider if they are your friends they will understand. You could explain to them what you expressed here which is that you feel better when you don't drink.

Nonsensical

Welcome Clownface! Awesome job on 28 days of sobriety. It's fairly common for the newly sober to be concerned about how others perceive us, but mostly it's an unwarranted fear. I have yet to meet anyone who cared more about me not drinking than I did. Most of the people I know had secretly hoped for years that I'd get a handle on it. Have a great time with your gals!

HeadLump

That is so, so true!

clownface

Feeling bit stressed.....threw into conversation with my husband that I have bought alcohol free wine for my girls weekend to which he replied "surely you are not going to stay sober this weekend! I thought you would want to relax" to which I replied 'I will be relaxing'. He then went on to ask how long I'm planning to not drink. I haven't the guts to tell him I am planning beng sober for life as he'd be seriously sulky, even though I have spoke about my desire to be free of alcohol on many occasions. Why is it so hard for him to understand and support me? He has more hang ups about me not drinking than I have and I feel I am having to justify my soberiety to him all the time! I am really upset by his lack of support and selfish attitude. Why do people think it's ok to put pressure on someone to drink when they don't want to yet most people would never do the same to someone who is trying to stop smoking or taking drugs? Sorry for my liitle rant, it really does help to vent a bit on here!

Dee74

It's often hard for our loved ones to understand - they can take it or leave it - we can't.
You know exactly why you're doing this - he may not - all he sees is change.

Give both of you the chance to get used to this - in the meantime there's a lot of support here.

a girls weekend is a big ask.
have you got a plan worked out for if things get hard this weekend?

D

clownface

Thanks Dee, Your words make great sense to me and I hadn't thought about it that way. I don't want to feel upset with my husband as he is a very good husband and I don't want it to have a negative impact on my relationship.

I agree the girls weekend could be difficult, but the girls I am going with don't drink much and I know they won't put any pressure on me to drink. It's unfortunate it's came up so soon into my soberiety but It's been planned for a year and I wouldn't want to pull out. I haven't really a plan but I feel so positive about not drinking that I'm assuming I won't feel like partaking. Maybe I am being a bit naive? Have you any helpful suggestions?

Aiko

Dear clownface,

Congrats on your 28 days.

Your recovery is your aim!
Do not worry about others... they do their life and go to their houses
and you have to think about yours.
your concern is getting better.
Maybe make and excuse if you are not feeling strong enough.
otherwise be prepared with:
I am medicating I can not drink.
I take the car I can Not drink.
I have a migraine I am Not drinking....
Have a plan!

If they are true friends they will not push you!
With time they will get used to you not drinking!

You have our support any time you need.
and here is anonymous!!!
you are free to do what you need to do to be well!!!

You can enjoy weekends without drinks!!!
Just got to get used to it, you will be ok!!!

least

and congrats on your sober time. Give your husband time to get used to this change. He may come around. In the meantime, stay sober for yourself.

IOAA2

Welcome Clownface.

"I am not even that worried about not drinking but worried of what my friends will think about me not drinking."

Years ago at a meeting concerning what others thought about different it was said.

"It's none of our business what others think"

I found that fairly accurate to help us around some of our concerns.

BE WELL

Mags1

I like that way of thinking, IOA22

"It's none of our business what others think"

It's going on my fridge!

digdug

Regarding your girls weekend, I know you seem intent on not drinking, but as Dee suggested, it's always good to have a backup plan. Sometimes things don't go the way we expect. And before you blink, you could end up with a drink in your hand. So if things start becoming uncomfortable, maybe think about an escape plan; a way to leave early without offending anyone. It also might help to be upfront with your friends before anyone starts to drink. You say they won't care if you're sober now, so by letting them know up front, it can take some of the pressure off you about what they might think during the night.

I have almost 8 months sober, and when I go out to functions where I know there is going to be alcohol, I still always have a backup plan. I survey the exits. I have my exit strategy. Most of the time, I feel comfortable, but every once in a while, I just have to get out of there.

Mags1

Welcome Clownface, congratulations on your 28 days sober, I love your positivity