Starting Over
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Gainesville Va.
Posts: 6
Starting Over
Hello,
Well after 5 years of being sober I met a great woman and we married. My son from a previous relationship never really gave me many problems and I was not ready for the problems that a angry 16yr.old step son would have on my life. I tried to be his friend and help him get his life turned around but nothing worked ...he dropped out of school turned to drugs and stealing from us and the whole 9 yds. His Mom wanted to baby him by trying to fix all the problems he created and I felt he needed to own up to his mistakes and get his attention on fixing the problems instead of letting him in her words" he just needs time to grow up and we have to give him space" well space became no job, no school, more drugs, stealing from us and his little sister but no matter what I said I was the who was not trying to understand his issues. Ok maybe I was .. but this had gone on for four years and I was tired of it and wanted out of my marriage but chose to stick with it and guess where I turned to help me cope .... back to the bottle. I tried stopping several times the last 2 years and always messed up so here I am 10 days clean and I am determined to make it back. The young man moved out finally 6 months ago and still uses his Mom but at least I can come home without him living under the same roof. I know that may sound selfish but I know I can't get well under the old conditions. He just came by 4 weeks ago to borrow $600.00 because he discovered Heroin and was parting with a friend and used money he was not suppose to. Once again we bailed him out and now I have deal with that and try and stay sober so I can be the man this family needs me to be.
Sorry but I had a lot on my mind. This sucks again. I was so happy before!
Well after 5 years of being sober I met a great woman and we married. My son from a previous relationship never really gave me many problems and I was not ready for the problems that a angry 16yr.old step son would have on my life. I tried to be his friend and help him get his life turned around but nothing worked ...he dropped out of school turned to drugs and stealing from us and the whole 9 yds. His Mom wanted to baby him by trying to fix all the problems he created and I felt he needed to own up to his mistakes and get his attention on fixing the problems instead of letting him in her words" he just needs time to grow up and we have to give him space" well space became no job, no school, more drugs, stealing from us and his little sister but no matter what I said I was the who was not trying to understand his issues. Ok maybe I was .. but this had gone on for four years and I was tired of it and wanted out of my marriage but chose to stick with it and guess where I turned to help me cope .... back to the bottle. I tried stopping several times the last 2 years and always messed up so here I am 10 days clean and I am determined to make it back. The young man moved out finally 6 months ago and still uses his Mom but at least I can come home without him living under the same roof. I know that may sound selfish but I know I can't get well under the old conditions. He just came by 4 weeks ago to borrow $600.00 because he discovered Heroin and was parting with a friend and used money he was not suppose to. Once again we bailed him out and now I have deal with that and try and stay sober so I can be the man this family needs me to be.
Sorry but I had a lot on my mind. This sucks again. I was so happy before!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Wow I haven't got any advice. This hasn't happened to me. I'm so sorry it happened to you. 10 days sober is huge. Hang in there! Sounds like you are doing all you can under your current circumstances. I'm proud of you! Prayers to you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 457
If ever you needed to be sober, it's now.
He needs your guidance, compassion, and understanding.
You can't provide that if you are drinking.
Congratulations on seeing that and getting sober again.
Stay strong! I can imagine how hard it must be with all the drama you have to deal with. Knowing that tough love is the only way things will get bad enough for him to make the necessary changes and having his mother only wanting to help and protect him. I wish you all the best!
He needs your guidance, compassion, and understanding.
You can't provide that if you are drinking.
Congratulations on seeing that and getting sober again.
Stay strong! I can imagine how hard it must be with all the drama you have to deal with. Knowing that tough love is the only way things will get bad enough for him to make the necessary changes and having his mother only wanting to help and protect him. I wish you all the best!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome Mtchll 
You'll find a lot of support here.
Focus on you - try and let the other stuff go...your partners son has his own journey, and so does your wife.
You're best placed in all of this to stay sober and well
D
You'll find a lot of support here.
Focus on you - try and let the other stuff go...your partners son has his own journey, and so does your wife.
You're best placed in all of this to stay sober and well
D
You'll find a great deal of wisdom, honesty and experience here which will help you, I'm sure Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Welcome, Mitchell. I HAVE been there...with an addict daughter who is now 25 and still addicted. My husband (her step-father) sounds like you; I sound like your wife...still enabling. I did find the naronon website helpful. As for your sobriety....I had 8 years, then relapsed....3 years, then relapsed, 3 years, then relapsed for the last three. Today I am on day 35. I am learning to let "her" go....and take care of me. You can do this! Hang in there! As for your step-son...you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't control it...and you certainly don't want to contribute to it ("it" being the addiction). Words that help me through each day. Best of luck. Glad you are here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Gainesville Va.
Posts: 6
Those are some of the most encouraging words I have heard in a long time.
Before my new family I lived alone and only had me to worry about getting thru each day and it got to be pretty simple for the most part. But I was not as strong as I thought and I learned a lot from this experience. I can't change others but I can choose to change me and have faith in the fact that the Lord has much better plans for me if I allow him to lead me instead of me trying to make life what I want it to be.
Thank you and stay strong yourself ! We are in this together!
Before my new family I lived alone and only had me to worry about getting thru each day and it got to be pretty simple for the most part. But I was not as strong as I thought and I learned a lot from this experience. I can't change others but I can choose to change me and have faith in the fact that the Lord has much better plans for me if I allow him to lead me instead of me trying to make life what I want it to be.
Thank you and stay strong yourself ! We are in this together!
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