Boyfriend with a drinking problem
 

So, I am currently with my college sweet heart. We both partied hard in college, though he partied harder than I did. After graduation, we both cut out the crap, and started to have a more healthy relationship with alcohol. I've still always had more discipline than him. I got a job on the west coast, and he moved across the country to be with me. While it was tough while he was unemployed, we had a healthy relationship, and we only drank in moderation.

THEN he got a job as Busser at a restaurant after his savings dried up. The manager is a serious alcoholic, who likes to drink with his employees. My boyfriend became his drinking buddy and got promoted to lead server in a month, but it came at a price, our relationship. He's come home after work drunk more times than I can count. Just the other day he sunk to a new low wandering around the city drunk begging me to call him a cab completely lost while he should have been on shift (his boss took him out of work to drink under the rise of paperwork). I am very concerned. I made him decline a promotion to assistant manager, and after the holidays if he doesn't quit this job it we are over.

I am worried though. Even if we make it through this, will it be enough to curb his drinking. He admits that he has a drinking problem but he seems to feel that when he is out of this job everything will be better. I am worried that the damage is done, and we'll still have a long road a head. My biggest nightmare is waking up one day married to an alcoholic. Other than this drinking issue we are fantastic. He is a nice sweet drunk, never violent, but it is frusterating to have to take care of him when he's been drinking, and it is embarrassing. But he is the kind of guy who brings me flowers, takes me out on regular dates, and treats me so well. In every other way we are such a great fit.

Will him leaving this job solve the majority of his drinking problems? My family coached me growing up on how to respect alcohol, and learn control. Right now, with his bosses negative influences, it is very hard for him to say no. He is fine for the most part when he is just drinking with friends, though he sometimes has "too much fun".

I just wonder if this is worth the effort. Currently the drinking is starting to outweighs the good, and I won't get engaged to him until he has this issue handled.

Sorry for the long post, I am just so frusterated with how my great relationship is being ruined by alcohol.

Welcome to SR, though I am sorry for what brings you.

Have you mentioned how much his drinking bothers you? If not, you should start there. Someone without an alcohol problem will make the changes necessary to halt the damage to the relationship. Someone with an alcohol problem will dismiss the problem, deny it, or hide their drinking.

A drinker won't quit until they're ready. Nothing you can say will make a difference.

:welcome to the family. :hug: We're here to support you as you go thru this trouble. We even have a forum designed just for you. Give it a look. Hope you find some peace in your life. :)


Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

We have many discussions and arguments about how I feel about his drinking. He's never disagreed that his drinking isn't an issue. He's been taking steps to stop the problem, but they don't seem to be working. He's started looking for another job and has promised to quit this one. Most days in feel like he isn't trying hard enough to change, and most of his promises are lip service. If he quits actually quits his job, I'll actually believe he is serious about fixing the problem.

My drinking has cost me the love of my life and much more. The sad fact is that while so many around me saw the problem I had I was certain that I was incontrol. I wish you luck.

If he is an alcoholic, then quitting his job might help but it won't solve the problem. Alcoholics cannot drink and that has to become the lifestyle. I'm glad you are setting boundaries.

Agreed. Ill be honest when I quit working and went on disability for a medical issue my drinking increased. I was more depressed, had more free time... It definitely took ME getting serious about it to get sober.

"until he has this issue handled?"

That is being very optimistic. If he is an alcoholic, as his behavior indicates, this could be a very long road. Are you prepared for that?

It COULD be a long time yes. But there is always hope. There at lots of people here that are happily sober. Some took a long time but there is not time frame on it. No one knows how long it will take.

I'm not saying anyone should stay if they are unhappy (or worse) but this sound pretty negative to me.

To the OP:
Glad you found SR! Welcome.

Sent from my iPad using SoberRecovery

it took me over 20 years. By the grace of God I am
Sober today. Never give up on any alcoholic or addict. Bottom line!!!

If he is an alcoholic, his job is not the problem. He may quit his job but he will still be an alcoholic. I think he needs help. Maybe he should try AA.