from manageable to unmanageable at 15 days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 304
from manageable to unmanageable at 15 days
Hi SR friends -
Having a rough patch.
I am at 15 days with no alcohol and I am an anxiety ridden emotional wreck. I am having ridiculous anxiety (pressure on my chest, shallow breathing, blah blah blah) because of work drama, life drama, and overall existential drama.
I understand that this is probably a normal part of recovery, especially since I have a mood disorder which may be exacerbated by the change, but I am feeling lost and a little afraid of these feelings right now and need to muscle through.
My "real me", who is in there somewhere under all this feeling and angst, is prodding me to acknowledge why I was doing to myself what I was doing. I am not unique in this (understatement of the century), but I used alcohol to make feelings manageable for along time.
But, I am overwhelmed and scared by the depth and extent of the feelings I see I was actually managing. I am not sleeping because I am emotionally all over the place: I am feeling like a failure, picked over by the world, lonely, abandoned, unwanted, unappreciated, and cast aside. NONE of which is true, I know, and no matter how much my core self argues against these feelings, the feelings right now have center stage and are making my life unmanageable. This crept up on me really quickly so my judgement has been affected at work, which made it worse because now I am dealing with the aftermath of bad decisions. I feel broken. My "inner child" is in desperate need of some parenting, and I don't have the energy level to help her right now. (I never thought I would actually refer to an "inner child"...oi - WHO AM I? Ha ha ha)
I am setting up an appt with my doctor next week and I will explain to her what is happening. I have always been honest with her about my drinking, so she won't be surprised when I tell her anything about it. (She will be thrilled that I finally stopped.) I am also going to set up an assessment at a well known clinic to get a read on medication, and to determine whether I actually set back my ability to manage my mood disorder because of all my years of alcohol abuse, and what I need to do going forward.
All of this is to say, I guess I am just reaching out to SR for support because I am in a really low place. Reading other people's experiences on this forum has been, I can say honestly, the number one reason I have managed to stay on this sobriety road.
Thanks for reading and listening. (as the little girl who is in me gently weeps...ha ha ha!)
Having a rough patch.
I am at 15 days with no alcohol and I am an anxiety ridden emotional wreck. I am having ridiculous anxiety (pressure on my chest, shallow breathing, blah blah blah) because of work drama, life drama, and overall existential drama.
I understand that this is probably a normal part of recovery, especially since I have a mood disorder which may be exacerbated by the change, but I am feeling lost and a little afraid of these feelings right now and need to muscle through.
My "real me", who is in there somewhere under all this feeling and angst, is prodding me to acknowledge why I was doing to myself what I was doing. I am not unique in this (understatement of the century), but I used alcohol to make feelings manageable for along time.
But, I am overwhelmed and scared by the depth and extent of the feelings I see I was actually managing. I am not sleeping because I am emotionally all over the place: I am feeling like a failure, picked over by the world, lonely, abandoned, unwanted, unappreciated, and cast aside. NONE of which is true, I know, and no matter how much my core self argues against these feelings, the feelings right now have center stage and are making my life unmanageable. This crept up on me really quickly so my judgement has been affected at work, which made it worse because now I am dealing with the aftermath of bad decisions. I feel broken. My "inner child" is in desperate need of some parenting, and I don't have the energy level to help her right now. (I never thought I would actually refer to an "inner child"...oi - WHO AM I? Ha ha ha)
I am setting up an appt with my doctor next week and I will explain to her what is happening. I have always been honest with her about my drinking, so she won't be surprised when I tell her anything about it. (She will be thrilled that I finally stopped.) I am also going to set up an assessment at a well known clinic to get a read on medication, and to determine whether I actually set back my ability to manage my mood disorder because of all my years of alcohol abuse, and what I need to do going forward.
All of this is to say, I guess I am just reaching out to SR for support because I am in a really low place. Reading other people's experiences on this forum has been, I can say honestly, the number one reason I have managed to stay on this sobriety road.
Thanks for reading and listening. (as the little girl who is in me gently weeps...ha ha ha!)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
It sounds like you are making some real progress here understanding your feelings and then making good choices about dealing with the anxiety and fears.
To me this post is quite encouraging and you should be proud.
Congratulations on the 15 days it get easier.
To me this post is quite encouraging and you should be proud.
Congratulations on the 15 days it get easier.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Anyistoomuch been touch a time or two with this
sounds more like full panic attack. Sometimes is ok to step outside our heads for a bit when seeking the answers in our never ending sobriety quest. While I'm not suggesting you take a break from your sobriety, I say take a break for a few hours of worrying about it. Go get an new outfit, go to a book store cut your hair something fun and distracting. Call an old friend out of the blue have some laughs. Try and remember it will get better, and so will you!!!
sounds more like full panic attack. Sometimes is ok to step outside our heads for a bit when seeking the answers in our never ending sobriety quest. While I'm not suggesting you take a break from your sobriety, I say take a break for a few hours of worrying about it. Go get an new outfit, go to a book store cut your hair something fun and distracting. Call an old friend out of the blue have some laughs. Try and remember it will get better, and so will you!!! Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
It sounds like you have a good plan and good support with your dr.
I found that getting through the emotions in the early days was the hardest part of recovery. I was overwhelmed with negative emotions at times. But, be assured that it's part of the process, at least for some of us and it does get better.
I found that getting through the emotions in the early days was the hardest part of recovery. I was overwhelmed with negative emotions at times. But, be assured that it's part of the process, at least for some of us and it does get better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 154
Congratulations on 15 days! I'm sorry you are feeling poorly. But you should pat yourself on the back for recognizing that your feelings of loneliness, abandonment, failure,etc are not true and also for sticking with your sobriety through this difficult time.
I hope your doctor is able to help you somehow. I also hope your day gets better. Hang in there.
I hope your doctor is able to help you somehow. I also hope your day gets better. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 370
Good job on the 15-days! And seeing the Dr is also a good decision. It may not feel like it right now, but you have more control than you think, certainly more than you had 16-days ago.
Praying and meditation have been helping me deal with similar issues. You might try it if you haven't. Hang in there
Praying and meditation have been helping me deal with similar issues. You might try it if you haven't. Hang in there
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
Well done on 15 days! I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough go of it right now but there is a silver lining to it all. The fact you are having these feelings and emotions shows your body is starting to work itself towards a balance again. Your brain is coming back online and it's going into turbo mode with all the new information available to process. When I was going through this stage I had lots of feelings of anxiety and regret but over time the real me broke through. The brain is a tricky thing and right now it sounds like it's processing a backlog of emotions the alcohol shut out. Let it run through those and keep recognizing what it is and that these feelings are not here to stay and just a phase.
I'm sure your doctor will be able to help you out and put you somewhat at ease as well. Keep doing the awesome job you are doing and stay strong! Like all bumps in the road to recovery, this phase shall pass!
I'm sure your doctor will be able to help you out and put you somewhat at ease as well. Keep doing the awesome job you are doing and stay strong! Like all bumps in the road to recovery, this phase shall pass!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
I still remember day 14 with a cold sweat. Emotions running in 3d, but I also remember day 15 being fine if not a fantastic day. I mentioned this to my brother in law who's a Dr and said keeping sugary things that you enjoy can help iron out some of the extremes!
By the time that advice came I was way past .
Good luck you really get down to that white knuckle ride , but it really is worth it.
John.
By the time that advice came I was way past .
Good luck you really get down to that white knuckle ride , but it really is worth it.
John.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hi, Any -- Congratulations on 15 days! That's super.
One of our wise moderators or administrators posted something I wish I could find. I'll have to paraphrase.
When we stop drinking, it's like the tide being pulled out to sea, revealing everything on the beach floor. Some of it isn't good -- the debris that sits on the floor, pollution and litter. But it reveals things we couldn't see before, too. Beautiful shells. Colorful sea glass. Interesting rocks and coral.
Good things will begin to show themselves in your life, things that were already there but not visible. Give them time to emerge.
One of our wise moderators or administrators posted something I wish I could find. I'll have to paraphrase.
When we stop drinking, it's like the tide being pulled out to sea, revealing everything on the beach floor. Some of it isn't good -- the debris that sits on the floor, pollution and litter. But it reveals things we couldn't see before, too. Beautiful shells. Colorful sea glass. Interesting rocks and coral.
Good things will begin to show themselves in your life, things that were already there but not visible. Give them time to emerge.
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