algirl218

My name is Anne and my BF has been sober and in AA for two years and I have a whole bunch of questions I am hoping can get answered.

freshstart57

OK. Let em fly!
If the discussion gets deep, SR has other forums for friends and family of alcoholics and other substance abusers, but this is a great spot to start. What are your questions?

ZeldaFan

Welcome! Feel free to ask away! You may also find a lot of good information that could answer some of your questions and give you a place to join a conversation over in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section of this forum.

algirl218

well to start with he is two years into being sober and just finished his 4th and 5th step. Should he be farther along or is there really no time line?

algirl218

well to start with he is two years into being sober and just finished his 4th and 5th step. Should he be farther along or is there really no time line?

Leana

If you read Bill W's bio- it was said that he intended the 12 steps to be done within 30 days, saying it's not good for alcoholics to "over think" things. Somewhere along the line, that 30 day goal was lost and some say 1 step a year.

Personally, I think both of those are extreme. If your BF is working the program, staying sober, and going to meetings, then I would say how fast (or slow) he works the steps is up to him. (But I am sure many will disagree with that.)

algirl218

Please explain working the program?

FozzyBear

Algirrrl, your friend needs to find his own path to sobriety. AA is not for everyone. If your friend says he is making progress, and you can see improvement or ***complete abstinence***, he may be on the right path for him. I had friends who like AA but cannot commit to completing any steps.

bigsombrero

My thoughts on that definition: "Working the program" means you're going to AA, and trying to make something happen. It probably means your BF's got a sponsor who's helping him with the steps (you can look them up online). Sometimes that means making a list of goals. Sometimes it's talking about feelings. Sometimes it's trying to work through guilt, or make phone calls to others, or going to a weekly tennis match. There really is no clear-cut definition for any of it, because there's not a uniform set of standards. Can you imagine the NBA where one team says a basket counts as 2 points, but another team says a basket counts as 5 points? That's what AA groups are like - each one is different, so it just depends on what "working the program" means in his group.

There are many in AA who do not "work the program". Like me: I just showed up for meetings and went out for coffee afterwards.

I think that if your BF has been sober 2 years, and is in AA and keeping active, that's a good thing. AA can be really helpful for many people.

All thoughts are just my opinion.

EndGameNYC

Though your boyfriend has been involved in AA for two years, it's entirely possible that he's been working with a sponsor for less than two years, maybe a lot less. Or, he may not be working with a sponsor at all.

AA's program of recovery involves working with a sponsor to first learn and then practice the Twelve Steps as beautifully described in the AA Big Book.

Bill Wilson -- one of AA's co-founders -- is quoted as having said (don't recall the exact quote) that the singular purpose of every AA group is to teach and practice AA's Twelve Steps for recovery.

The AA Big Book is not a self-help book...It's a textbook, the principles of which are taught to people new to the program by people who have learned and now practice the Twelve Steps.