Crushing on another AA
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 13
Happy Birthday SugarBear! And thanks everyone for your words of wisdom. I'm stepping back and going to keep on keeping on with the program and let my HP handle unfolding what it may. Yes, I'm aware I often replace one addiction with another, including these emotionally addictive distractions. I look forward to the day these obsessions are less prevalent. For now and forever, one day at a time 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welp, heres what I believe:
do what ya want, but I haven't heard a grown, mature person say they have "crush" on another grown,mature person. that stopped in middle school.
im not sure what this "chemistry" you refer to is, but I know that some chemicals combined together make explosions.
do what ya want, but I haven't heard a grown, mature person say they have "crush" on another grown,mature person. that stopped in middle school.
im not sure what this "chemistry" you refer to is, but I know that some chemicals combined together make explosions.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast 
I know when I went to AA it was very strict,women stick with the women.This is the reason why.We're so very vulnerable in early sobriety.
tbh I think a man in AA even hugging a new female member is going too far-it could give out the wrong signal,especially when we are so vulnerable. Not everyone has the same motives-some people do prey on the vulnerable. Simple things can be misconstrued,especially to the alcoholic
Even pretending it's just friendship-be honest, you fancy him and probably want more than friendship.
Maybe stick closer to the women,or even attend another meeting.
tbh I think a man in AA even hugging a new female member is going too far-it could give out the wrong signal,especially when we are so vulnerable. Not everyone has the same motives-some people do prey on the vulnerable. Simple things can be misconstrued,especially to the alcoholic
Even pretending it's just friendship-be honest, you fancy him and probably want more than friendship.
Maybe stick closer to the women,or even attend another meeting.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
BombusQueen:
It's up to you but it may be best to tell him that you're going on a long, long journey up the path to sobriety and hope that perhaps he may wait to meet you at some time farther up the mountain. Every good wish and good luck on your wonderful journey.
W.
It's up to you but it may be best to tell him that you're going on a long, long journey up the path to sobriety and hope that perhaps he may wait to meet you at some time farther up the mountain. Every good wish and good luck on your wonderful journey.
W.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
The Thirteenth Step: My life has become unmanageable, and I want to share it with someone.
How do you know two alcoholics are on their third date?
There is a moving truck in the driveway
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 300
This is NOT advice. More like a statement..
If I haven't had sex for awhile, it can make me think differently.
We're all human.
I'm also early in recovery, so my thinking is still in the gutter
Pretty sure there was a Seinfeld episode about this..
Congratz on your sobriety!
If I haven't had sex for awhile, it can make me think differently.
We're all human.
I'm also early in recovery, so my thinking is still in the gutter
Pretty sure there was a Seinfeld episode about this..
Congratz on your sobriety!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by Carlotta
That reminds me of the old joke:
How do you know two alcoholics are on their third date?
There is a moving truck in the driveway
How do you know two alcoholics are on their third date?
There is a moving truck in the driveway
Did hear the one about how you know an alcoholic is lying...His lips are moving.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by BombusQueen
Happy Birthday SugarBear! And thanks everyone for your words of wisdom. I'm stepping back and going to keep on keeping on with the program and let my HP handle unfolding what it may. Yes, I'm aware I often replace one addiction with another, including these emotionally addictive distractions. I look forward to the day these obsessions are less prevalent. For now and forever, one day at a time
My sponsor gave me a saying that she had on a post-it that was in her fridge and now it sits on mine.
"Never make a permanant decision based on a temporary emotion".
I think of that whenever I have a feeling that does not feel right. I am not sure if you have had that yet. I feel angry about something but I can sense that anger is not what is really going on. It is not where I should be going. It does not feel right. So I need to think it over more and talk to my sponsor about it.
Remember that feelings are often not the truth. And truth is what we seek and thrive to accomplish.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
The emotions and feelings of loneliness are quite strong in early sobriety for a large portion of us and I acknowledge each of us are unique to a large degree but are common in so many respects. I've been active in AA for many years attending about 15,000 meetings. (Never kept count, just an guess.)
As an observer I'll say that 90% AA relationships do NOT work out positively, especially in early sobriety which to me is less than 3-4 years. Failed relationships are the cause of a very large % of relapses. Heck the divorce rate for "normal" people is over 50%, what can be expected from people who don't have "it" together? By that I mean having good a term of being truly sober.
BE WELL
As an observer I'll say that 90% AA relationships do NOT work out positively, especially in early sobriety which to me is less than 3-4 years. Failed relationships are the cause of a very large % of relapses. Heck the divorce rate for "normal" people is over 50%, what can be expected from people who don't have "it" together? By that I mean having good a term of being truly sober.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 13
Hi Everyone,
Thanks for your input. I am not acting on my feelings for I know that 2 months sober will probably look very different from 12 months sober. This guy has not made any attempts at 13th stepping me, seems very much like a gentleman which is probably why Im attracted. I'm focusing on myself and working the steps. Learning to live with the yearning is good, I'm sure the truth will be revealed at a much later date. Thanks again
Thanks for your input. I am not acting on my feelings for I know that 2 months sober will probably look very different from 12 months sober. This guy has not made any attempts at 13th stepping me, seems very much like a gentleman which is probably why Im attracted. I'm focusing on myself and working the steps. Learning to live with the yearning is good, I'm sure the truth will be revealed at a much later date. Thanks again
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
There are a couple of women in various meetings that I attend that I would have pursued had I still been drinking. But after doing my 4th and 5th step, I realized I have major issues with women and relationships, namely, I tend to jump into things very quickly and seek emotional and physical validation through others instead of learning to love and appreciate myself. I am a serial monogamist. Before I got sober, I think the longest I was single was maybe two months. I would just go from one woman to the next. I have currently been single for almost 8 months. It has certainly been a change, but I am glad I've concentrated on my sobriety first.
There is a reason why it is a common suggestion that newcomers do not get into relationships for the first year. For me, this includes dating, because dating has always led to relationships.
So for now, my interactions with these woman remain on a friendship level only. And honestly, it's actually nice to have some platonic female friends for the first time in my life. I've never had female friends who I either didn't sleep with, or wanted to sleep with.
And who knows what will happen once I have a little more sobriety under my belt? I'm in no rush to find out. Right now, my only focus is to stay sober and work the 12 steps of AA.
There is a reason why it is a common suggestion that newcomers do not get into relationships for the first year. For me, this includes dating, because dating has always led to relationships.
So for now, my interactions with these woman remain on a friendship level only. And honestly, it's actually nice to have some platonic female friends for the first time in my life. I've never had female friends who I either didn't sleep with, or wanted to sleep with.
And who knows what will happen once I have a little more sobriety under my belt? I'm in no rush to find out. Right now, my only focus is to stay sober and work the 12 steps of AA.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
