I don't have time for AA!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 377
I don't have time for AA!!!!
I have been in AA since day 1 of getting sober and making the time has been a struggle. My husband travels for up to 2 weeks at a time, we do not have family around and I work part time. My 9 year comes to meetings with me some times, but she is getting worn out by waking up early during the school week to go to the 6:45 meetings with me.
I am feeling pulled in every direction. My sponsor wants me to go to a meeting every day and I just can't do it! I really feel like I might snap. I want to be a good mom, put my child first, but also put my sobriety first, but that is hard to do when she is so tired by these early mornings. Plus, I am the only one home most of the time to take care of the house, laundry, animals, cooking, home work with my daughter, etc.
Sorry for the complaining, I am just EXHAUSTED. I have found a lot of strength in AA, so maybe I should just feel blessed with the meetings I do get to attend.
I am feeling pulled in every direction. My sponsor wants me to go to a meeting every day and I just can't do it! I really feel like I might snap. I want to be a good mom, put my child first, but also put my sobriety first, but that is hard to do when she is so tired by these early mornings. Plus, I am the only one home most of the time to take care of the house, laundry, animals, cooking, home work with my daughter, etc.
Sorry for the complaining, I am just EXHAUSTED. I have found a lot of strength in AA, so maybe I should just feel blessed with the meetings I do get to attend.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
I attend two meetings a week, meet with my therapist once and meet with my sponsor for step work one night too. So that is four out of seven days. I think 2-3 meetings is a solid commitment.
Not every sponsor is the right sponsor.
It sounds like you are doing a lot. I will say without sobriety you may risk all the other things you cherish, so sobriety needs to be key in any recovery program, which you are doing just a friendly reminder.
I would cut back on the meetings. Find 2 that you really like, maybe one be a home group and see if your sponsor will come to your house to do your step work assuming they are bringing you through the book.
Not every sponsor is the right sponsor.
It sounds like you are doing a lot. I will say without sobriety you may risk all the other things you cherish, so sobriety needs to be key in any recovery program, which you are doing just a friendly reminder.
I would cut back on the meetings. Find 2 that you really like, maybe one be a home group and see if your sponsor will come to your house to do your step work assuming they are bringing you through the book.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Far more important than the number of meetings is the progress through the Steps. I've also found that being a central part of a strong home group, and being committed to showing up for that is way more beneficial than how many meetings you can make.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I feel so sad for you and other people in this situation when I read posts like this. It's almost like blackmail-you HAVE to attend a meeting eveyrday or you WILL drink.
It is not for your sponsor to say you have to attend a meeting every day and is really unfair. Getting your child up so early every day to attend a meeting is unfair on you and your child. If you were happy with it of course I wouldn't say that but you're not happy with the situation.
Of course, there will be people who say you have to put your sobriety first and attend the meeting but be honest-if you stop going to the morning meeting every morning will you drink? Only you know the answer to that,not your sponsor or any of us.
The reality is that most of us have lives - jobs,spouses,children and we have to put them first too.that's not to say our sobriety has to take a back seat but we cannot just ignore the needs of our children/spouses/careers just because someone says we have to.You are an adult-you know what you need to do to stay sober. Many people are sober in AA without attending daily meetings and there are many other ways to be sober too.
Do what YOU think is best for you,your sobriety and your family. Don't be bullied,forced,pushed into something that is making you unhappy
It is not for your sponsor to say you have to attend a meeting every day and is really unfair. Getting your child up so early every day to attend a meeting is unfair on you and your child. If you were happy with it of course I wouldn't say that but you're not happy with the situation.
Of course, there will be people who say you have to put your sobriety first and attend the meeting but be honest-if you stop going to the morning meeting every morning will you drink? Only you know the answer to that,not your sponsor or any of us.
The reality is that most of us have lives - jobs,spouses,children and we have to put them first too.that's not to say our sobriety has to take a back seat but we cannot just ignore the needs of our children/spouses/careers just because someone says we have to.You are an adult-you know what you need to do to stay sober. Many people are sober in AA without attending daily meetings and there are many other ways to be sober too.
Do what YOU think is best for you,your sobriety and your family. Don't be bullied,forced,pushed into something that is making you unhappy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ON
Posts: 766
if you want to find the time to get sober you will.
i remember thinking there is no help out there fo me, i have no time, no one cares, how am i gonna go on, i am all alone, but i have to do this one more thing, i cant get help because of this....
I hit bottom, you will, just takes time.
i remember thinking there is no help out there fo me, i have no time, no one cares, how am i gonna go on, i am all alone, but i have to do this one more thing, i cant get help because of this....
I hit bottom, you will, just takes time.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I live where there are NO meetings, so I attend zero. Yet I did the steps, apply the principles and have gotten and stayed sober. Yes, I put time/effort into my recovery, but # of meetings is not the gold standard measure of commitment or success.
Life on life's terms. Perhaps your sponsor is having unrealistic expectations?
You can use the program of AA to recover. It is possible that you will need to find a sponsor who focuses on guiding you through the steps more than relying on meetings.
Life on life's terms. Perhaps your sponsor is having unrealistic expectations?
You can use the program of AA to recover. It is possible that you will need to find a sponsor who focuses on guiding you through the steps more than relying on meetings.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
It does not seem like you have the right sponsor. This is your life and you need to find someone that understands you for you and with that your restraints. Finding someone that ives close and could come by your house or you go to theirs at night with the kids in bed to read the Big Book and do your step work is as Keith says more important than going to a much of meetings that may not mean much.
Be honest with yourself and make sure this is not an excuse to distance yourself from the program - it does not sound like you are but this you can only answer.
I found two meetings that I really like the vibe and karma and I use one of these as my home group. I like going in there and feel comfortable sharing. I try to share once every Wed. and went last night despite just getting out of the hospital on crutches.
You can make it work - its not a perfect science (go to one meeting a day keeps the insane asylum away). Keep at it. SR can help too and there are no time constraints here too.
Be honest with yourself and make sure this is not an excuse to distance yourself from the program - it does not sound like you are but this you can only answer.
I found two meetings that I really like the vibe and karma and I use one of these as my home group. I like going in there and feel comfortable sharing. I try to share once every Wed. and went last night despite just getting out of the hospital on crutches.
You can make it work - its not a perfect science (go to one meeting a day keeps the insane asylum away). Keep at it. SR can help too and there are no time constraints here too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
When I first started in AA I went to 3 meetings a week...it worked for me, I'm almost 18 months sober. Nowhere in the Big Book does it say you need to attend a meeting every day. For most of us that is an impossibility. It is that sort of attitude that drives many people away and IMO that is a real shame.
More important is that you start working the steps. It is the steps that will help keep you sober.
We alcoholics find achieving a balance in our lives very difficult. Your sobriety is important of course, but so is your daughter!
Try to relax a little. I take my sobriety very seriously, and I have never suffered by not doing 90 in 90. You are doing just fine x
More important is that you start working the steps. It is the steps that will help keep you sober.
We alcoholics find achieving a balance in our lives very difficult. Your sobriety is important of course, but so is your daughter!
Try to relax a little. I take my sobriety very seriously, and I have never suffered by not doing 90 in 90. You are doing just fine x
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I appreciate how hard it must be for you but I also believe that anything we put in front of our sobriety we will lose.
Sobriety is the cornerstone on which all other things rest. Read January 6th reading from A Day at time. My sobriety is more important than my wife my children my job because I will lose them all without sobriety.
Your house maybe a mess but if you're sober it is a great day.
Prioritize your life with sobriety be number 1
Sobriety is the cornerstone on which all other things rest. Read January 6th reading from A Day at time. My sobriety is more important than my wife my children my job because I will lose them all without sobriety.
Your house maybe a mess but if you're sober it is a great day.
Prioritize your life with sobriety be number 1
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
We all have different thoughts and views on many topics. Lets not forget "EASY DOES IT" but do it. We all have different experiences good and bad and I went to many meetings for years and still get to 4-6 a week, sometimes to get out of the house and other times to hear a pearl I need to hear. The thing I need to remember that we have something that's Cunning, Baffling and insidious.
I know my thinking was not too clear for about 6 months so meetings was an answer for me and many others. There are good informative posts above and perhaps something from each might be a pearl needed for the situation.
BE WELL
I know my thinking was not too clear for about 6 months so meetings was an answer for me and many others. There are good informative posts above and perhaps something from each might be a pearl needed for the situation.
BE WELL
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
When you approach your sponsor with the same information that you did here what do they say to you?
My daughter has 5 children ranging in ages 1 1/2 to 13. She goes to school part time and also works part time. This leaves little room for anything else. She is the kind of parent that sits down with her kids and helps with homework. They live 22 miles outside of the city where meetings are sparse. Her first sponsor was adamant that she attend a meeting every single day and this was not something that was physically doable. When she would tell her that she was exhausted and that there was just no way the sponsor would start spewing things at her such as threatening her that if she didn't go that she was probably going to end up using.
This may be true for some but my daughter is now almost 2 years clean and there's never been a point in time that she has not been very dedicated to her sobriety. I realize that what goes on between her and her sponsor is none of my business but being the mother that I am I was getting ready to call this woman and give her a piece of my mind.
Talk to your sponsor and tell them what you said here. Tell them honestly how many meetings you feel like you can make (supplementing with more if you are able). If the sponsor starts giving you flack find a new one.
The most important thing here is that you're being honest with yourself. You're sounding a bit overwhelmed. Find the line between how much you need to keep a strong message in your mind and go with it (again, being honest about it with yourself).
Now I'm going to be completely and blatantly honest. There has never been a moment in my sobriety that I have faltered from doing the best work that I can in staying sober. I've faced problems where I would have charged for a drink previously and used my tools to not do just that. I can honestly say that some of the hardest times I've had so far is when someone was pushing me to do more when I was already giving it all I had. NO ONE needs that kind of stress when they are sincerely giving it all they have.
It all comes down to the honesty. Tell her what you can do, if she still wants to push find a new sponsor.
My daughter has 5 children ranging in ages 1 1/2 to 13. She goes to school part time and also works part time. This leaves little room for anything else. She is the kind of parent that sits down with her kids and helps with homework. They live 22 miles outside of the city where meetings are sparse. Her first sponsor was adamant that she attend a meeting every single day and this was not something that was physically doable. When she would tell her that she was exhausted and that there was just no way the sponsor would start spewing things at her such as threatening her that if she didn't go that she was probably going to end up using.
This may be true for some but my daughter is now almost 2 years clean and there's never been a point in time that she has not been very dedicated to her sobriety. I realize that what goes on between her and her sponsor is none of my business but being the mother that I am I was getting ready to call this woman and give her a piece of my mind.
Talk to your sponsor and tell them what you said here. Tell them honestly how many meetings you feel like you can make (supplementing with more if you are able). If the sponsor starts giving you flack find a new one.
The most important thing here is that you're being honest with yourself. You're sounding a bit overwhelmed. Find the line between how much you need to keep a strong message in your mind and go with it (again, being honest about it with yourself).
Now I'm going to be completely and blatantly honest. There has never been a moment in my sobriety that I have faltered from doing the best work that I can in staying sober. I've faced problems where I would have charged for a drink previously and used my tools to not do just that. I can honestly say that some of the hardest times I've had so far is when someone was pushing me to do more when I was already giving it all I had. NO ONE needs that kind of stress when they are sincerely giving it all they have.
It all comes down to the honesty. Tell her what you can do, if she still wants to push find a new sponsor.
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
It is not the job of a sponsor to say what meetings you attend.A sponsor is to guide you through the programme of recovery.
You don't have to be at daily meetings to put your sobriety first.
A lot of places around the world have few or no meetings,Alcoholics still get and stay sober.
I would explain to your sponsor your situation and if necessary change sponsors.I hope your sponsor has a good period of sobriety and also has a sponsor herself.
You don't have to be at daily meetings to put your sobriety first.
A lot of places around the world have few or no meetings,Alcoholics still get and stay sober.
I would explain to your sponsor your situation and if necessary change sponsors.I hope your sponsor has a good period of sobriety and also has a sponsor herself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
getting a 9 year old child up extra so you can go to a 6:45AM AA meeting? because someone is telling you THAT is putting your sobriety first?
I don't think that is fair to either you and your daughter. Her rest and ability to function in school should take priority. You are being pulled/pushed around. I hope you can realize that it is OK to follow your gut on this one.
I don't think that is fair to either you and your daughter. Her rest and ability to function in school should take priority. You are being pulled/pushed around. I hope you can realize that it is OK to follow your gut on this one.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I agree with the above and that YOU know what is best for you and your family. No one else does.
I don't go to meetings, but I know for absolute certainty, balance is crucial in my life. It's maintaining balance in my life that has kept me in recovery all these years.
I don't go to meetings, but I know for absolute certainty, balance is crucial in my life. It's maintaining balance in my life that has kept me in recovery all these years.
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