Calling for back-up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 14
Calling for back-up
A few days ago I made a post about asking for help. I said for me asking for help was like calling for back up.
I'm trying to do everything right to remain clean but today I feel like I have no idea how I'll get through the day.
It's my 5th day out of rehab and I already feel this way
When I was in rehab, exercice and journaling helped me a lot. Since I left rehab I've been jogging one hour in the morning, going to outpatient from 8 AM to 5 PM, attending a meeting after outpatient, training again for 30-45 minutes and journaling at the end of the day. I'm really trying to do everything I learned in rehab but today it feel like nothing is working.
I'm in my one hour lunch from outpatient so I came here hoping it would made me feel better.
I'm really at a loss about what I should do now to stop the urge and how to stop feeling like this
I'm trying to do everything right to remain clean but today I feel like I have no idea how I'll get through the day.
It's my 5th day out of rehab and I already feel this way
When I was in rehab, exercice and journaling helped me a lot. Since I left rehab I've been jogging one hour in the morning, going to outpatient from 8 AM to 5 PM, attending a meeting after outpatient, training again for 30-45 minutes and journaling at the end of the day. I'm really trying to do everything I learned in rehab but today it feel like nothing is working. I'm in my one hour lunch from outpatient so I came here hoping it would made me feel better.
I'm really at a loss about what I should do now to stop the urge and how to stop feeling like this
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Montreal, Qc., Canada
Posts: 9
It is natural to feel this way. You are changing for the better and it takes a toll on you. Do not give up, you are succeeding. Remember by sharing what you are going through you are helping another. Take some comfort in the fact that you are not alone.
Bless you!
Bless you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Oh Ashley....I'm in your boat. I got out of rehab on Saturday. I am falling off my pink cloud and trying to deal with the problems of life without liquor. Feeling very emotional today and I don't know why. Like something is missing from life, oh wait a minute...it's that drug to dull the pain. I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel and I can't get off. Now just trying to breath in and out. Hoping this feeling will pass, as I know it will.
I wish I had some sage advice but you know as much as I do. This will pass, as they say.
I wish I had some sage advice but you know as much as I do. This will pass, as they say.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sounds like you are doing all the right things Ashley, and while it may not be the answer you want, it's going to take time - plain and simple. Excercise, reading, just about anyting to keep your mind occupied certainly helps.
Keep in mind that you've already gotten through many days without using. Today is no different from yesterday, or the day before that. Also remember that if you would use, you will feel worse - that's a 100% guarantee. It's the twisted logic of addiction - you want to use to feel better, but you will get exactly the opposite result - no matter what you think now.
Also remember its 100% your choice. You can choose to not use and get better. Or you can choose to make things worse. You have the power to control your destiny.
Keep in mind that you've already gotten through many days without using. Today is no different from yesterday, or the day before that. Also remember that if you would use, you will feel worse - that's a 100% guarantee. It's the twisted logic of addiction - you want to use to feel better, but you will get exactly the opposite result - no matter what you think now.
Also remember its 100% your choice. You can choose to not use and get better. Or you can choose to make things worse. You have the power to control your destiny.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
Close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths.
You can switch to 'one hour at a time' for today. Just get through the next hour. Then do it again. Until you go to bed.
It was really hard for me when I first got out of rehab.
I plodded along for many, many days. It really does eventually get better.
You can switch to 'one hour at a time' for today. Just get through the next hour. Then do it again. Until you go to bed.
It was really hard for me when I first got out of rehab.
I plodded along for many, many days. It really does eventually get better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 318
I agree with you Raider, there's not much to be said in the beginning of recovery except that it will pass- and I think for the individual it takes that faith to believe that it will. Also, there are simply just going to be bad days. 
Ashley, is there anyone in your outpatient treatment you can go to and let them know that today is especially difficult?? If you're feeling in crisis you should let a therapist or counselor know- that's what they're there for- so that you can talk privately maybe or if you feel comfortable in front of a group to ensure that you work through some feelings today to prevent a relapse.
Ashley, is there anyone in your outpatient treatment you can go to and let them know that today is especially difficult?? If you're feeling in crisis you should let a therapist or counselor know- that's what they're there for- so that you can talk privately maybe or if you feel comfortable in front of a group to ensure that you work through some feelings today to prevent a relapse.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. Early on, quite a few years ago, I got involved in AA and without knowing it in the beginning I received what I needed for support. I got many phone numbers and got very active in the fellowship. Unlike many I used the numbers when I felt unraveled and I'm grateful that I did. It also helped having a lot of meetings within 10 miles and that put me in touch with more people that understood me.
BE WELL
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 569
One of the things I learned was to acknowledge the beast, the voice. I would in a sense admit that yes I hear you and yes you are tempting, but right now go sit in your corner and shut up. Than clear my mind and vision the next hour, next day, "play the tape forward" so to speak. Will drinking make your future self happy? Is there anything remotely positive in opening that bottle now? I found that little mantra and moment of facing the voice helped me with the urges. the more I fought the urge the greater it became, so I treated it like a cowardly dog, face it and run it off, but always know it still lurking behind you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 14
I'm doing the one hour at the time right now.
Part of me feeling like this is probably because I still am upset with myself for being an addict. I need to stop obsessing about what I haven't accomplished yet and focus and be proud of the progress I've made in the last 4 months
Part of me feeling like this is probably because I still am upset with myself for being an addict. I need to stop obsessing about what I haven't accomplished yet and focus and be proud of the progress I've made in the last 4 months
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 339
EXACTLY Ashley. It was hard for me to think of myself as an alcoholic. How the hell did this happen? Why me? All that stuff. I am an alcoholic and there isn't a thing I can do about it. It just is.
That struggle in your mind will ease and good things will start to happen. You can become the person you always wanted to be but were blocked by drugs and alcohol. When I got out of rehab it was tough. They filled my days and I was surrounded by people who wanted to get better and people who wanted to help me. A little different when you get out. You are doing great and have so much to be proud of. Hang in there.
That struggle in your mind will ease and good things will start to happen. You can become the person you always wanted to be but were blocked by drugs and alcohol. When I got out of rehab it was tough. They filled my days and I was surrounded by people who wanted to get better and people who wanted to help me. A little different when you get out. You are doing great and have so much to be proud of. Hang in there.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
Ashley, you're doing great and you've been doing great.
Honestly, I think we are often our own worst enemy. And, I speak from experience when I say you NEED to begin to forgive yourself. It's the only way you will get through this. I think if you continue to beat yourself up because of poor choices you made, you will end up spiralling down. And, remember, forgiving yourself doesn't mean you don't acknowledge what happened. It just means you can look at it and let it go. I had to understand that I could learn something about myself and about the world from my addiction. Be kind to yourself.
Honestly, I think we are often our own worst enemy. And, I speak from experience when I say you NEED to begin to forgive yourself. It's the only way you will get through this. I think if you continue to beat yourself up because of poor choices you made, you will end up spiralling down. And, remember, forgiving yourself doesn't mean you don't acknowledge what happened. It just means you can look at it and let it go. I had to understand that I could learn something about myself and about the world from my addiction. Be kind to yourself.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Ashley (and Raider) - I'm proud of both of you for coming here and being open about what's going on. I hid my head in the sand - never wanted to share - and it led me right back to drinking. We say it all the time, but it does get better and easier. There's no way I could've stayed sober for almost 6 yrs. if it never did. Your emotions are still raw - please be patient with yourselves.
I relied on getting numb and zoning out for decades. It's how I coped with every single negative emotion. It kept me from growing as a person - prevented me from learning how to deal with pain or loss. These things can't be avoided - facing them & rising above them is the only way. It's early days yet for both of you - be proud of yourselves for all you've accomplished so far. Progress is being made every minute you stay sober, even though at times it doesn't feel that way.
I relied on getting numb and zoning out for decades. It's how I coped with every single negative emotion. It kept me from growing as a person - prevented me from learning how to deal with pain or loss. These things can't be avoided - facing them & rising above them is the only way. It's early days yet for both of you - be proud of yourselves for all you've accomplished so far. Progress is being made every minute you stay sober, even though at times it doesn't feel that way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 14
I know I need to start forgiving myself, I've been working on this with counselor when I was inpatient and I still work on it but it doesn't seem to work.
I was in rehab for 4 months so I don't understand why I still feel like this after 4 months
I wish I could go back to when I was a kid and my Mother would hold me in her arms and tell me not to worry and that everything would be ok.
I don't know, I'm just really lost right now, sorry guys
I was in rehab for 4 months so I don't understand why I still feel like this after 4 months
I wish I could go back to when I was a kid and my Mother would hold me in her arms and tell me not to worry and that everything would be ok.
I don't know, I'm just really lost right now, sorry guys
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Hi Ashley !!
I was just talking to someone about the pyramid of needs because the family counselor was explaining it during one of our sessions. You can google it ! Your rebuilding your life and your pyramid. The second level of the pyramid is SAFETY. Security of body, health, resources, morality, stability, freedom of fear! What your feeling is all normal, keep pushing through, keep rebuilding your healthy life !
I was just talking to someone about the pyramid of needs because the family counselor was explaining it during one of our sessions. You can google it ! Your rebuilding your life and your pyramid. The second level of the pyramid is SAFETY. Security of body, health, resources, morality, stability, freedom of fear! What your feeling is all normal, keep pushing through, keep rebuilding your healthy life !
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