LadySingsBlues

No matter how I relate it to myself I don't see how I feel as a "I'm right and they're just wrong" type of mentality. Anything and I mean ANYTHING that gets a person to live their happiest and healthiest self is fantastic and everyone should do whatever works for them. I just didn't think it was right for me.

Honestly, I think as a whole, the thing that bothers me the most about it is that I feel like it takes away my decision making capabilities. I dunno. I feel like why cant I have a say in what's right for me? or what I need? I think that's because in my life I have always done what everyone else wanted me to do. Every decision...my major in college, jobs, people I'm with, etc was always heavily influenced or outright made by my family. My body was the only thing I controlled. With sex, or drugs I did things that weren't healthy for me because it made me feel better. Those things were the only decisions I made on my own.

I don't know. I just wanna make my own path. I know other people don't interpret it that way, that's just how it came across to me.

MeSoSober

Are you familiar with the writer, Augusten Burroughs? He's a recovered alcoholic who also takes issue with the AA way. He wrote in his book How to Deal that he strongly feels that to tell an alcoholic they are powerless over alcohol is the exact wrong thing to say and that what people who want to quit drinking need to hear is that they can and must take control. I tend to agree.

I guess it's good that there are so many paths to sobriety -- there's something for everyone!

longbeachone

It sounds like you are dealing with your problems on your own, which, from what you have written, seems to be what you want. Many of those who have come through recovery can only tell you about the things that really helped them. Since most of this, like help from God and admission of powerlessness, are the things that you dislike so much, it's hard to give you much advise. I know my sobriety came with help from AA, although I wasn't totally immersed in the program. I had no problem admitting I was powerless...good grief, that was one of the most honest things I ever admitted. I tried every way possible to stay away from alcohol, and it just kept winning. Saying I was powerless wasn't very earth shaking to me...nor hard to overcome.

I don't want you to think I'm criticising you...I believe more than anything that we each must find our own, best path to sobriety. It just seems like you spend a lot of time explaining why things DON'T work for you. When you don't want anything to do with the only advise people have to offer, advise about what helped them overcome their own problems, what exactly do you want people to say to you?

LadySingsBlues

Well firstly I don't think I spend a "lot of time" talking about what I don't want. I just thought it was pertinent to the conversation I was having. I don't want anyone to say anything to me. I just wanted other opinions on some things I was thinking because I felt isolated in the way I felt. In any discourse I expect some people to agree and some to disagree but everyone's entitled to their own opinions. I don't have to take everyone's advice and I can get what I need out of what people say and leave the rest. Is that not allowed?

FreshStart2Day

You are not alone in ur sentiments. That's the reason I have decided to take my journey alone in getting sober. I do feel the meetings help but I just did not agree with everything or a lot of what I thought was preached. So it led to a feeling if discomfort. I am entering day 2 of withdrawal and am staying determined. Either way it was nice to hear you are doing fine for the most part. I know exactly what you mean when you say "how do people live sober". I ask myself this a lot. It kinda seems pointless when you are not looking forward to that high and life just seems boring. But I think it's necessary to fill that void with something else. Another purpose to fill the void. For some spirituality is enough but not for everybody. Stay strong.

LadySingsBlues

I've only experienced like intense withdrawals once or twice and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Be careful with that. You cant do everything alone.

I think you're really right about filling the void. I keep telling myself to write, or find a freakin hobby. Thus far all I've come up with is Tetris Blitz lol. I think the being sober thing for me just comes from drugs being such a huge part of my identity yanno. Like if I'm not that person, who am I?

FreshStart2Day

Yeah I know what u mean. I'm only on day 2 midway through and I know it isn't much. But I'm determined to finish. I think at some point in out lives, due to the drug, we kind of lost out identity and the drug took over. It made us. So we see ourselves as that person. So I think maybe even going to the lengths of creating a whole new persons or identity might be necessary. And we can do that by the activities and hobbies we choose to participate in. For instance you said you like to write, so do I. Why not shoot to write something new everyday or write to somebody who will appreciate the words. Or a book or something. Much easier said than done I know but atleast even tryin to write will fill some of the void. The days feel so long to me when I'm not high. But maybe it's a good thing. More time for production. Just gotta.. Fill the void..

AnvilheadII

what i found when i attended AA or NA meetings, on a regular basis, was being around like minded individuals with the same desire, to live sober. they knew how to do what i did NOT know how to do. didn't matter who was smarter or who had been in therapy longer, it was about learning how to live life on life's terms, one day at a time, and not drink (or drug) no matter what. i found there was a power greater in the group....people on the same path with the same goal, coming together, reaching out to the newcomer, wracking up days, weeks, months and years free from active addiction. i don't know where else you can go for free at pretty much any time of the day in almost any city and get that.