ExWinoMom

Has anyone heard of Sarah Allen Benton?
She wrote the above book, interesting stuff.

Dee74

No, I haven't read that book yet

D

erics

Yes. It helps me when my head tells me I'm not an alcoholic. Usually when I've come out of a meeting and compared rather than identified. My story was all throughout that book.

ExWinoMom

I still struggle with the "am I an alcoholic" question. It's so annoying lol.
I will keep going to meetings and not drinking until I "figure it out"
Ya gotta laugh.
I still think that because I never blacked out, I mustn't be an alcoholic.
Sigh!

Dee74

yeah it's been a regular theme of yours, and I get that.

Do you think someone who wasn't an alcoholic would think this much about it tho?

If alcohol repeatedly led them in strife, normal folks would just quit wouldn't they?

D

ScottFromWI

Do you consider yourself better off sober? If so, work on that rather than worrying about labels. I personally know I will be a better person if I don't drink, and that's reason enough for me.

jdooner

Two things helped me with the surrender:

1) In terms of the unmangable part of my life with alcohol and drugs, I actually managed just fine. It is when I removed the alcohol and drugs from my routine that the unmanageable part came into play - this helped lead me to realize how dependent I had become on these tools.

2) Realizing that in everything I do I have the obsession. So if something provides pleasure I do it over and over and over. I once went skydiving to experience it (bucket list thing). After my first jump I then proceeded to jump a dozen more times till my money ran out - very similar to my drinking drugging etc - provides pleasure = repeat till something gets in the way. The overwhelming nature of this allowed me to surrender.

Again, I don't know if either relate or help but I too struggled for a while with "am I an alcoholic" and "is my life unman gable?" In the end I realized that the first part was really about subconsciously being able to toy with the idea of one day drinking again. If I am simply a problem drinker and since my disease has not progressed enough I fit into this category well, then I might be able to return to a glass of wine at dinner. When I realized how I was wire it was overwhelming and I gave up. I am enjoying a level of peace now after giving up this internal struggle that is indescribable and I hope others can enjoy this.

coraltint

"the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking"

you can use the other stuff if you want, I've found it keeps me happier.

Good luck!

anyistoomuch

From one exwino to another: I am with you.

I am in the "I-am-not-an-alchoholic-but-I-abuse-alcohol-when-i-drink" stage. I know it doesn't matter what we call it if your drinking has become unmanageable, but still, it is natural to wonder - I think.

I found this article a while back when I was googling. The woman who wrote this article (not Oprah, clearly) describes her issue with wine, being a mom, and her process of therapy that led to her decision to give up drinking once and for all. She didn't say she was an "alcoholic", but she had to admit that she woudl never be a "normal drinker".

Stop Drinking - How to Get on the Path to Sobriety - Oprah.com

Jackie38

I deal with this question often. It wasn't until I got to the real reasons of why I drank that I came to realize it was ridiculous to continue. Whether I was dependent, addicted or just a habitual drinker is irrelevant. I see that the reason is so stupid that I don't feel the need to anymore. I still think about how nice it would be to have a huge glass of wine but I know that if I crack that it will be harder to stop again. If I fall back into my routines I may have to consider that I can never drink again. Right now I'm focusing on the control I have in choosing not to drink today.

whiskeyman

ExWinoMom, grab a big book and read The Doctors Opinion.
It will help you figure out if you are alcoholic or not.

Mountainmanbob

I heard of ones having black outs in AA for years
I could not relate to the black outs they shared about
but -- I still knew that I was alcoholic

then in my later years of back to the drink one more time
oh yes
I started suffering black outs
it was not very pretty some of the things I did and said

there are a lot of ((yets)) in the program

such as
I have not ran over anyone while backing out from my driveway drunk
well
not yet
if I was drinking and given time it could happen

MM

Ornithology

I drank daily for 34 years and for the first 15-20 years, blackouts were exceedingly rare events for me. For the last 15 years that I drank, blackouts were daily events. I don't know if I would think to use blackouts as the yardstick for determining if I have an alcohol addiction? I think there are probably better measures for determining if drinking is having a negative impact on my life.
I'm glad you stopped drinking as that may allow you to decide if you have a problem related to alcohol use. For me the answer was an emphatic "yes".