animalnurse9

I feel awful. Now I'm sober and clear headed all the emotions of my breakup are coming through for real for the first time. Feel like I've been punched in the chest.

ImperfectlyMe

You need to really feel these feeling to process and come to a place of moving forward from your break up and moving forward in life! Know it's going to get better the stronger you stay. You can do this . Living well is the best revenge anyway!

animalnurse9

I don't even want revenge, that's how sucky it is. It was all my fault. I never wanted to feel like this, guess that's why I drank. Its horrible!

neferkamichael

For all the time I was using I was either high, hungover, or angry. Now that I am sober, I have the full range of emotions and I am learning to deal with them, good and bad. The more time I have sober, feeling good is beginning to be normal. A lot of the bad has gone away with time. Rootin for ya.

ImperfectlyMe

It is horrible but it doesn't have to be. Right this very moment you have the power despite how powerless you feel. Wallowing in the reason of the breakup won't make it any better all it will do is hurt you twice. What can you do to get some sober time. I remember you from when I first started here more the 1/2 a year ago

Lets get you happy with you before you worry about any past or future relationship. You deserve to be happy

Flying4Life

It is horrible, but you have to be willing to feel the pain in order to move on. Drinking just stuffs that pain deep inside allowing it to fester rather than heal. I know it sucks, but just try to be nice to yourself. Sometimes, when pain feels overwhelming to me, I treat myself as gently as I would a small child experiencing that same pain. It helps to have compassion for yourself in order to get through the process of grieving.

animalnurse9

I honestly don't think I know how to be kind to myself. I don't even really know what that means. Feel so helpless most of the time. And I'm kind of jealous at how happy everyone seems to be, and it just seems beyond me.

ScottFromWI

Self pity is a dangerous thing but common in early sobriety. Have you considered seeking professional counseling to help understand the underlying issues that have come to the surface now that you are getting sober? There is help...and it does work.

animalnurse9

I do see a counselor and we have had several breakthroughs. The one thing I'm trying to figure out is how to be kind to myself and reward myself in other ways. Its weird, I love doing certain things, but can't always pinpoint exactly what brings me 'joy'. Working on it.

ImperfectlyMe

The core of my drinking problem was self hatred. It's a horribly dangerous trait to have. When you don't love yourself you teach people not to love you the way you deserve. It took me 6 solid months of sobriety to start to not only like myself but really really love myself. Now in my seventh month I can say its ok that my needs are met, I'm allowed to be treated well I'm allowed to be happy!

Don't look for happiness outside yourself, you may find it but it will be fleeting until you can find the peace within. Self acceptance is going to be key in getting and keeping you sober.

Change your inward thinking= change in your outward life. If you need a Friend or a cheerleader you can always reach out to me hug

Ptcapote

Hi AN, there is some really fantastic advice here and I can't add much to it except to echo the other sentiments about feeling your feelings. I know that sounds like pop-psycho babble to a degree but it is so true. Imperfectly Me's guidance above is spot-on.

I went through a horrendous breakup a few months prior to getting sober (the first time) and did not allow myself to process those emotions. Rather, as per usual, I stuffed them down and then, eventually, tried to drink them away. Had to deal with them again anyway, amplified, in my second shot at sobriety. Wish I'd done it earlier.

I also totally feel you on the "why the hell is everyone so bleepin' happy when I feel like absolute shite?" I loathed coming on here and seeing those happy posts initially and also being around people who were sober and happy. That was never, ever going to be me.

But, of course, I kept coming and looking because, maybe, just maybe, they knew something I didn't. And, like most things in life, turns out they did.

I don't know how keen you are on reading but there are a lot of books that helped me through the process of breakup/remorse/anger/guilt, etc. I see you're in therapy so that's excellent but also take this time to really break that cycle and get rid of those emotions. It can totally be done.

And, I think, you know that already. Your signature kind of says you do

Hang in there, take good care of you, and whatever you do...don't drink. It WILL get better. I know that's hard to believe from where you're standing/feeling right now but, trust the biggest skeptic in the world here who never wanted to believe any of that BS...it will happen. The crucial bit: well, you know the crucial bit.

Lots of good wishes and support to you! Keep posting and let us know how it's going.

Threshold

I think there is a lot of truth in the quote "A life well lived is it's own reward."

In early recovery many people told me to get a pedicure, buy a new outfit, reward myself, be kind to myself...didn't make a lick of sense to me. How was a pedicure going to accomplish anything?

And compulsively trying to fill up down time with things that were supposed to make me feel good...well, been there, done that...it was the core of my boozing and drugging...I didn't need to learn to reward myself or chase a thrill, I needed to learn to live...and then the rewards come on their own, and I can enjoy them and not feel guilty...like I don't deserve them.

I'm glad you said that people around you SEEM so happy, it shows you recognize that what we see isn't always what is.

I know how much a break up hurts. Hugs.

22NGONE

Hello. Hey, I know how you feel, I was going through a divorce my whole first year of sobriety. What I can tell you is no matter how bad it sucks right now, it WILL get better. Just keep working your program, one day at a time, do the next RIGHT thing and keep YOUR side of the street clean and everything will work out for the better. You can do it! This too shall pass. God Bless.

Signal30

It's shocking how well time heals. Acceptance helps also.

Dee74

It takes a while to learn how to feel and deal with feelings - and to move through those feelings we've bottle up for so long - but you will.

I knwo it's tough, but try and have a little patience and a little faith - inevitably you'll find joy & learn to value yourself and be kind to yourself too

The early days are rough - but lean on the support you have.