Struggling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Struggling
I had ten months sobriety and relapsed in August. Hit it pretty hard since then. Drank last night and had my last one early in the morning after sleeping fitfully on the couch. Woke up wet. I spilled my beer on myself because I fell asleep clutching the bottle.
Right now I want a drink so bad but can't bring myself to do it. Having horrible anxiety and feeling that horrible feeling of impending doom. I know I cannot take a drink because it will only get worse. My kids are antsy because I was supposed to take them to my mother in laws but I can't drive in this state. My husband will take them later. He has been detoxing himself and is in better shape than me. He sleeps the day away and I can't.
I took half a klonopin. It helped a little. Drinking water. I am afraid. I need to do this but dang, it hurts. Maybe I will do some laundry. Keep myself busy doing light housework. I am also scared because I am off work all week and I don't do too well when I have unstructured time. Dang it dang it dang it. This is such a nightmare. I can't even begin to ask myself why I would put myself through this again. Last time I detoxed in a hospital. It was a softer landing.
Right now I want a drink so bad but can't bring myself to do it. Having horrible anxiety and feeling that horrible feeling of impending doom. I know I cannot take a drink because it will only get worse. My kids are antsy because I was supposed to take them to my mother in laws but I can't drive in this state. My husband will take them later. He has been detoxing himself and is in better shape than me. He sleeps the day away and I can't.
I took half a klonopin. It helped a little. Drinking water. I am afraid. I need to do this but dang, it hurts. Maybe I will do some laundry. Keep myself busy doing light housework. I am also scared because I am off work all week and I don't do too well when I have unstructured time. Dang it dang it dang it. This is such a nightmare. I can't even begin to ask myself why I would put myself through this again. Last time I detoxed in a hospital. It was a softer landing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
Hi ruby sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. You said you had ten months sober. That is no mean achievement!! Can you not draw on your experiences from that period to help you now. What did you do then to get and stay sober. You must know the sober life is the right way to go. I hope you can find your way back onto the right path.all the best
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
You are doing the right thing by coming here and asking for help Ruby2. You have the power to quit this mess as you already know from your last stretch of sobriety. I had a similar longer period of sobriety followed by a several month relapse and I know how bad it feels. I was anxious, ready to crawl out of my skin just like you, and I did for a few days but it did get better.
What were you doing for support during those 10 months? Can you try that again?
What were you doing for support during those 10 months? Can you try that again?
Sober since March 21, 2013
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 262
Thank You Rudy!
Your vivid description of the fear, anxiety, and feeling of impending doom brought on by a hangover have ended any craving I may have today.
I do not ever want to feel that way again.
Only took me 42 years of drinking to figure out the alcohol was creating most of the anxiety I thought it was preventing.
I had to accomplish my recovery without any other drug. I know they help some people, but for me I was afraid of trading one addiction for another.
I just turned sixty and I feel better than I have in decades. I wish I had listened to myself years ago.
God Luck on your continuing recovery.
Your vivid description of the fear, anxiety, and feeling of impending doom brought on by a hangover have ended any craving I may have today.
I do not ever want to feel that way again.
Only took me 42 years of drinking to figure out the alcohol was creating most of the anxiety I thought it was preventing.
I had to accomplish my recovery without any other drug. I know they help some people, but for me I was afraid of trading one addiction for another.
I just turned sixty and I feel better than I have in decades. I wish I had listened to myself years ago.
God Luck on your continuing recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Thank you all. I did AA for the ten months. Got away from going and fell hard. I got the klonopin to help with the quitting. My doctor is well aware that I am alcoholic. She was coincidentally the attending emergency room doctor when I went to go detox the first time. I haven't so far abused them and had taken them in the past. Just want this day to be over. My husband is ticked at me over something but won't talk to me about it. Could be anything, really.
I will just stick around here and read. It has helped to post. It wouldn't be so hard if I weren't off work. And the weather is cold and rainy. Very gray. And no one is home but me and the cats.
I will just stick around here and read. It has helped to post. It wouldn't be so hard if I weren't off work. And the weather is cold and rainy. Very gray. And no one is home but me and the cats.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Kids and husband back home so I have them to distract me. They apparently walked in to mother in laws and pretty much turned around and left. About ten minutes. Husband has many issues with his mother. She wasn't around too much for him as a child. I don't know if she still uses. She drinks on occasion. But a lot of deep anger there.
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