SilentLove

It's been 3 months since my ex fiance has relapsed. His Doc is spice/marijuana. Two months ago, he broke off our engagement. He told me that he wants to give me the ring when he's a better man and that his current mental state is very unstable and he would not be able to take care of me and our kids if he doesn't figure himself out. I have not spoken to him except for one occasion when I went over to his house and he told me he was not ready to talk. i don't know if that was his excuse to push me away or if he really wasn't ready. How is it that he's able to push me out of his life when he was the one who said it was my decision to stay or go. How can he write me off like I never meant anything to him? does anyone have a clue as to what he could possibly be doing? And how could he not feel compelled to contact me? Will he ever try to reach out again or is this it?

ScottFromWI

Addiction is a horrible thing Silent. Nothing else matters until the individual wants to get better unfortunately, except getting high/drunk. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it, and there is nothing you have done that has caused it. Your best bet is to find some help for yourself to deal with the pain of dealing with it - have you considered Al-non or Narc-anon type meetings? They are filled with people who are all basically in the same situation as you, and they can help.

There is also a friends and family forum here as well with a similar purpose. I wish you the best of luck.

SilentLove

I have been trying to cope through the nar anon meetings online and I have therapy sessions as well. I just don't get how he doesn't want to talk to me anymore :/

ScottFromWI

It's impossible to say. He could be ashamed, he could be scared, he could be high, or a combination of any of the above. But as you have probably learned at your meetings, you are powerless to change what he thinks or how he acts until he decides to get help.

You need to take care of yourself in times like this, because that's all you can do.

least

Trying to understand his behavior is pointless, in my view. The only thing you need to understand is your own life and how you're going to live it. It could be any number of things why he isn't talking to you but it's his choice to be silent. I'm sorry for what you're going thru.

Anna

I agree you should not focus too much on why he is doing what he's doing.

Take care of yourself and your children. I'm sorry you're going through this.

SilentLove

I might have forgotten to add "our future kids" in the thread. I'm trying my hardest to focus on myself but it always comes back to me wondering why he did what he did when we are supposed to get married in a month. I shouldn't wonder because what's done is done. I'm just hurting a lot and there's not a day that goes by that I don't have the urge to contact him and see how he is doing. Somehow I Always chicken out which is a good thing because I don't want to come off needy. :/

BlueChair

After my husband relapsed we got him into rehab especially at first he was filled with pain, disgusted with himself, feeling weak, all kinds of low self esteem feelings like he didnt deserve me. He told me a bunch of times to leave him, I didnt deserve any of it, he didnt want to hurt me. He came home from rehab last friday, and he is very emotional still after being there a little over three months. A part of him is scared and he has already told me since he has been home that there is a part of him that wants to push me away and he is afraid he will fail at recovery.

It could be a lot of reasons why your ex fiance is staying away. I would try not to take it to heart right now. If he is still using then he is lost, and if he is recovering then he is maybe still trying to find his way back to feel confident again.

Dee74

I'm not sure if I answered one of your other threads or not SL

The bottom line, I think, is whatever the reason, he seems to be giving out clear signals that he's moving on. It's been a while now.

I know thats rough to deal with with, especially without an explanation, but I'm not sure what else you can do about it.

I've been obsessed in this kind of situation in the past. It's hard to learn to let things go but I think you need to.

I don't think you need to blame yourself either.

To me it reads like a pretty crappy way to break off an engagement. Maybe there's someone better waiting for you in your future?

D