What would you do?
 

My daughter told me that she believes her roommate at the sober living house was high last night. The roommate went home for her 1st overnight visit (at her mom's instance, even though the roommate told her mom that going home was not good for her.) Once back at the house, my daughter heard the roommate go downstairs and then fell asleep. She woke to find the roommate sitting at the end of the bed, "nodding out". Now, I don't get high but my daughter said "classic heroin use sign".

She asked me if she should report her to the house manager. I told that I couldn't tell her what to do, she had to live there. She likes the girl very much and with the exception of this instance, she has been a great roommate. She doesn't want to wrongly accuse her but also doesn't want to have drugs in the house.

What would you do?

I would ask the roommate if she had used.

I would ask her I could help then focus on my recovery.

She did ask, the roommate ignored her and walked out of the room.

#1. Your daughter should remember to make sure - and I stress - that she remembers what she is there for. It's for her OWN recovery.

#2. She should tell a counselor or aide at the sober living facility about her suspicions. And then try her best to go about her business. The aides will know what to do. I hope they have some kind of authority figure there, I am sure they do.

I speak from experience. I was in a treatment center where 3 of the patients were kicked out for using meth, while in treatment. Someone had smuggled it in for them, and they were getting high outside on their smoke breaks. I was in for alcoholism but we had all kinds with us. I also had a roommate that went into our bathroom for 3 hours every night and would lock the door and not come out. He would sleep all morning and would not come to breakfast or meetings. I told the counselors, they took him away for a few days to speak with him and ask him if he really wanted to be there, etc. I didn't want to get involved but I had to - and that is the best way to do so, just tell someone in charge and go about your business.

Treatment centers and sober houses have all sorts of sneaks who are used to criminal thinking and have severe addictions. We were not supposed to have cell phones - but both my roommates during my stay smuggled theirs in. We were not supposed to leave, but some people snuck out anyway. We had drugs smuggled in (per my earlier description) and several people left halfway through because they couldn't hack it.

As a patient or sober living resident you have to take this very seriously. You have to GO to the meetings, the sessions, and you have to follow the rules - even when others DO NOT. That is a key part of getting well. I hope your daughter can remember to keep her eyes on her own homework, and also tell an authority figure and then move on and deal with her own business.

People in sober living don't live in a vacuum, but they have the right to expect that they are relatively safe from many of the dangers that landed them there in the first place. Otherwise, why bother? Someone in sober living who is drinking or using drugs puts both staff and residents at risk. And it is the responsibility of both to see that this doesn't happen or continue to happen, in either case.

Besides, if you can't stay clean and sober in sober living, what are your expectations for yourself when you leave?

My experience is that if your daughter knows and doesn't report, and someone finds out, they will both be kicked out.

They will give the other girl a UA to determine if she used.

Thanks for your answers. I am leaving this up to her, she needs to make this decision on her own. I was just curious as to what others would do.

Did she get an orientation or list of guidelines or rules for living in the house? This is such a common situation I would expect that they would have a clear rule on how to handle it. If she is uncertain of what the requirements and guidelines are, I suggest she speak to a staff member.

This situation has huge potential to put the recovery of housemates at risk, and I would think it should be reported the same way any other hazard would be.

Perhaps mention to your daughter, that she's not in there to make friends? Chances are she'll never see this person again once they leave. I'm sure they'll have something in place whereby the roommate doesn't know that it's your daughter that has said anything Xx

Update- The roommate did relapsed on heroin. She was put on the first bus home last night. It was all done before my daughter got home from work.