TZ23

I'm 5 days sober now and I thought I would be gung-ho about starting a new sober life. That's not the case though I've actually been really depressed thinking I'm never gonna drink again. Am I crazy for feeling this way?

IOAA2

and Congratulations on 5 days. I'd suggest only thinking about not drinking TODAY. Let the rest of the future take care of itself one day at a time. We have no guarantees of what the future holds.

BE WELL

Tamerua

Hi TZ, congrats on 5 days and no, that's not crazy. Try not to focus on the never being able to drink and just try not drinking today. Thinking of the never was completely overwhelming to me at first.

jazzfish

No, early sobriety can be a very confusing time. Emotions are all over the place. Forever can seem overwhelming. I was also pestered by the overarching desire that my drinking was simply a problem related to something I got wrong, but I could fix so I can be a "normal" drinker.

It can be very depressing thinking of never drinking again, which is why I have to stay very clear about why I am not drinking. I regularly refresh in my mind the very real physical and mental problems I am facing as a result of my drinking. Do I really want to take on a crappy job because my mental abilities are so diminished I cannot work at my "sober" level? Do I really want to have no friends or be friends with bottom feeders (depending on my ego) so that my drinking behavior is acceptable? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life waking up at 2am either still drunk or hungover? The list can go on and on. I also remember that I have 3 decades of evidence that "normal" drinking just doesn't happen for me.

Stick with it. The emotions will even out over time, but do begin building a new, sober life.

TZ23

Thank you guys. You are right I'm gonna focus on today and today only. My first day watching football without drinking since I can remember. I got this.

TZ23

Thanks Jazz, you are right my 19 years of drinking proved to me I just can't drink like normal people do. I just needed to remind myself why I did this in the first place. This is for giving my children and wife the life they deserve. Thank you so much.

freshstart57

I drank until it was clear that I was going to lose my marriage, the respect of my daughters, my home, my job, and anything that would make my life worth living. I could continue to drink, or I could have a life with some peace and a little happiness, but I could not do both. I realized that I never was going to be hungover, embarrassed, ashamed, guilty because of my drinking, and that my depression and anxiety were over. Instead of grieving, I celebrated my decision. I set myself free.

You can do it too, TZ23. Your life is full of possibilities now, instead of the certainty of the downward spiral of addiction. Make that plan about continuing to use alcohol. If you can end this addiction, what else can you achieve? Believe in yourself, and that you deserve a life without alcohol in it. Onward!

IOAA2

I know that you'll be giving yourself a life you also deserve, being comfortable in your own skin is an example.

BE WELL

jazzfish

And yourself! You do deserve it!

I love being able to kiss my kids goodnight instead of hiding in the doorway because I don't want them to smell daddy's boozy breath.

TZ23

I really am so grateful I found this sight. You guys really feeling positive now.

Anna

That's very normal.

Maybe you would like to read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. She talks about her love affair with wine and how she grieved the loss of it.

happyhour

hi tz, way to go on 5 days, that is awesome. the way you are feeling is to be expected, and it passes - remember, you have decided to drop a relationship, that was toxic to your life may i add, but still it can feel like a "loss" for a bit, i remember just coming home and wanting to go to bed at 5pm early on...

hang in there, it gets SO much better, i promise

congratulations again

Mags1

Hi TZ and welcome to SR

dwtbd

TZ great on day 5 and on making the decision to quit

I'm sure you will be fine with football watching , if in a second or third quarter the idea 'pops' up that one won't hurt or that never or forever are concepts that seem impossible, just stay in the 'now'. "I will not drink now" right there in that moment, and whenever it pops up again answer the same way "not Now". We only exist in the Now , its the thought process I relied (rely) on especially in the early going. All the 'nows' when I don't drink will be 'never'. It may sound corny or strange , but it is how life is lived only in the 'now', and the more I tell the part of me that pops up and says 'c'mon' to go pound sand, the less it pops up.
wish you well enjoy your day, the kids and football!

Cascabel

Wonderful phrase! .

EndGameNYC

When I first got sober, I had a rush of emotions when I came to accept that I never have to drink again. My mourning period was thus short-lived. This is only one of many turning points I experienced by working the AA Big Book Twelve Steps.

Following my three-year binge, I missed drinking at first with great intensity and had daily cravings, not because I liked what drinking did for me, but because I had intended to kill myself by drinking during my relapse.

While drinking, I concentrate on what drinking does for me, instead of what it does to me. That's my personal experience of denial.