Twinings

... and don't know what some people are going to think or say...
But please don't judge me until you read the whole thing.

Tonight I drank... so I guess tomorrow will be back to day 1 cus I know I never intended to drink and I don't intend to turn this into a binge.

I was a secret drinker... I can and have carried on my social situations without drinking. I've been to bars, drank juice, even in my first week or so, managed fine going to bars as I was so determined but it's not unusual for me to go to events and not drink.

The past few days i've started to feel pretty depressed, tonight was a charity event I wanted to go to. I checked with facebook and my ex was not going. I couldn't contact her to check as she told me to not contact her. (we didn't break up due to my drinking) Any way... I wanted to see friends i've not seen for a long time and had no intention to drink. My anxiety was bad but I knew it would be good to get out the house. My friend didn't turn up for 2hrs! I felt awkward and other friends were treating me really strange. Then my ex turned up. She said she'd had a heads up that I was there and wanted to say hi but to let me know she didn't want to speak to me. This was embarrassing as it was in front of friends and she just walked off... and felt in so much shock and panic I hit the bar...other friends kept saying to just forget it, drink more and come to another party...

I declined and came home. I don't even feel buzzed. Just sad, lonely and betrayed by people who I thought were my friends and my ex who I thought was a decent person and just in a relationship that didn't work.

Leana

I'm so sorry, that must have been so difficult for you. Why would anyone on here judge you? SR is safe because most of us have been exactly where you are tonight. Talk to people tonight on here, you'll feel better.

Hevyn

I agree with Leana - almost no one gets through this without slipping. I'm sorry you were hurt and confused by people's behavior. You are not alone, trust me.

You said you weren't going to let this become a binge - be proud of that. I think you learned something valuable - drinking doesn't help relieve our anxiety or cheer us up. It just makes things worse. I'm glad you went home and decided to post. We care about you Twinings. Things will get better.

onedayatime

Don't our self beat yourself up about the slip You saw and stopped before you fell. You never believe your ex could be so cold until its over.

Mirage74

Start again tomorrow! At least you realize drinking doesn't help the situation.

If it makes you feel any better, that was a pretty low rent move of your ex to hear you were there, and decide to show up just to tell you she doesn't want to talk to you. Would have frazzled me too.

Skye2

I would plan for if a similar situation happens in the future and keep in mind, that anyone who can be so cold in front of people, isn't worth losing my sobriety for You were caught on the hop, that's all - be kind to yourself today Xx

chaili05

I love the wording of that, "isn't worth losing my sobriety for"-- I rarely think of it that way... that's pretty strong. I need to remember that!

SteppingStone

No-one is going to judge you on here. Don't beat yourself up. you're not the first person to slip and you certainly won't be the last.

Try and take the positives from the situation:

• You stopped before it turned into a binge
• You seen some people for who they really are
• You learned that alcohol doesn't improve situations, it makes them worse
• And you found out that no-one on here will ever judge you

So all in all, not as bad as it first seemed, huh?

Tomorrow is a new day. Good luck & stay strong.

Dee74

No judgement here - there;s been some good advice in this thread, IMO.
It's hard - that why we need places like SR

Many of us falter a time or two - we learn and we do better the second time

D

ReadyAtLast

No one will judge you here-welcome back

For me,I had to learn how to deal with unexpected situations arising and what todo instead of drinking. It does get easier as time goes on

Good on you for not turning it into a binge

Twinings

Thank you all!!!

Some very encouraging words indeed.

I don't know how I feel this morning, I don't feel too rough but i'm really tired, I slept on the sofa last night cus I couldn't sleep in what used to be our bed.
I really want to contact my ex to say how ****** she made me feel but I really shouldn't. I need to let it go.

One thing's for sure... no alcohol is going in me!

Skye2

Hey there - I completely understand you wanting to phone you ex and tell her she made you feel like $hit...but you know.. the way she behaved last night - she would probably get a HUGE buzz out of knowing she upset you - ask yourself - is she worth it??

Twinings

I don't want it to turn into a feud. I hope/was hoping we end up friends eventually and I don't think her or the so-called friends would understand my position and prob just bite back with venom.

Gonna stay under the duvet on the sofa and watch some films all day.

Skye2

I'm doing the same - have had an early dinner and loads of icecream and am on couch with quilt, laptop and hunting for columbo episodes
Jeez I sound boring

Anna

I'm glad you're feeling better today, Twinings.

AdanteFornax

Today is a new day Twinings. Sorry to hear about the heartache. I've had many breakups, none of them easy. Sounds as if you've got a connected circle of friends which will make things uneasy for a while.

Maybe you will stay friends in time.

Prayers for you mate

Mizzuno

Think about the tackiness that was used to tell you in front of many people that she didnt want to talk with you? I mean, she could have pulled you aside. This did not have to be a "everyone needs to know" situation. So, of course there is some embarrassed feelings and most definitely some feelings of rejection. I would also be in a panic and not know how to handle the situation. Be gentle with you. Take care of you. You came here to talk and this is a great step. This journey is not easy. Sometimes we take a step back, and then 20 steps forward. I am sorry that happened to you.

EndGameNYC

Hey Twinings.

That's quite the savage move on the part of your ex.

If being judgmental helps, I'd do it and recommend that others do the same.

Twinings

Thanks all... I did a lot of thinking yesterday, and also had a lot of anxiety.
I've ended up not quite back to day one yet....
The anxiety is ridiculous and i've come to realise i'm struggling with having spilled so much personal info on here.
I think for now maybe I should not come here so much. My birthday is in a couple of days and I'm fairly sure if I plan day 1 to be before then, I will be depressed and lonely which could trigger even worse feelings.... if that's even possible.

Luckily my rational recovery book turned up today...

ImperfectlyMe

Hey you haven't spilled too much no one knows who you are, which actually makes it a great place to let it all out. Don't drink over your ex there's a reason she's your ex!!! And btw way Telling you she knew you were there wanted to say "hi, but didn't want to talk to you". That's about as mature as an 8th grader at a school dance.

Put it in the past don't leave SR and get on with starting your day 1! We're here for you!