| nike103103 | 11-09-2013 12:15 AM |
never thought I'd say this but..I'm an addict
Man, even just typing it makes me feel weird but I hit rock bottom and I finally came to terms with that fact I have a problem with drugs and alcohol. I will do my best to make this short. I just turned 26 today and was diagnosed with a brain tumor and had surgery on my 21st bday. I never was a big partier until after I left college for my surgery. It started with drinking with friends on the weekend and smoking pot and then it went from that to the past few yrs binge drinking almost every night, smoking and selling pot, experimenting with a huge variety of drugs especially psychedelics. A little over a year ago or so (the time is such a haze honestly) I started to dabble with things such as adderall, mdma, cocaine, a variety of prescription pills. It got to the point to where every night I was either binge drinking or looking for whatever was around, of course while smoking pot everyday. I watched my mother fall into the hands of addiction with prescription meds and I swore I would never even touch a pill but now, it's so much easier to say drugs that I haven't done than I have. I never thought I had a problem because I was just "having fun" and "partying like the rest of my friends" but drinking alone in my room, ignoring phone calls from friends and family but answering drug dealers calls really should have been a sign but I didn't hit rock bottom yet. This summer I decided to move and get back into college and I was motivated and promised myself that I would finally get my life on track. Boy was I wrong. Since I have been here I totaled my car and got my 1st dui and have been doing drugs of some sort just about every single day but still didn't see a problem because "hey, I am in college now and that's what college is about, booze and drugs right?" two days ago I decided to start drinking early and enjoy the day, I got black out drunk, bought coke, and then I woke up in a dorm on the floor covered in bloody vomit, pale, and had a hard time breathing. I was told I passed out, hit my face off the floor, stopped breathing, and was left there by the "friend" I was with. Needless to say I hit rockbottom and I clearly have a problem. I have ignored people close to me and have been so selfish the past few yrs of my life and I can honestly say that if I don't change I am going to die because of something drug or alcohol related. I havent drank the past two days and I am planning on going to an na meeting sunday. Just wanted to introduce myself and please wish me luck...its going to be a long road but a very rewarding one as long as I stick to it and use the resources available. I am sorry btw for not keeping this short. Much love | 