He leaves me tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Hi Sasha;
I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs and good wishes.
You deserve someone as loving and good as you are. Now there will be room for that when you are ready.
I agree with others to take some steps when you are a bit better to find out what your rights are and to not allow him to just "drop in" as you need security and peace in your home.
Have you been able to talk to your family about this?
I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs and good wishes.
You deserve someone as loving and good as you are. Now there will be room for that when you are ready.
I agree with others to take some steps when you are a bit better to find out what your rights are and to not allow him to just "drop in" as you need security and peace in your home.
Have you been able to talk to your family about this?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
No, they are still unaware.
They worry a lot.
I think they will also have lots of anger towards him.
I don't blame them for that.
But my daughter still loves her daddy, despite the fact he does not love me anymore.
I don't know where to even begin with explaining to my little girl.
I am so, so, so sad for her.
She misses him so very much. She thinks he is away with work. She cried herself to sleep last night.
Even though I am upset, I wish I could take all her pain and sadness away and I would suffer it myself for her.
I just want to wrap her in my love and care and make it all okay for her.
We sleep in the same bed at night. I don't want her to be on her own and I don't want to be alone either.
I feel like such a bad person.
I know we all have a past, but is it my fault I made my daughters daddy leave?
I keep raking over the past rows we had. My drinking behaviour in the past.
Does it really matter if he could not provide financially? Does it matter he never took holidays with us?
How do you ever switch the thoughts off in your head?
When does it get better?
It will be a week on saturday since he went.
It feels like months and months ago.
I know I need to swim, but at the moment I feel like I am sinking xx
They worry a lot.
I think they will also have lots of anger towards him.
I don't blame them for that.
But my daughter still loves her daddy, despite the fact he does not love me anymore.
I don't know where to even begin with explaining to my little girl.
I am so, so, so sad for her.
She misses him so very much. She thinks he is away with work. She cried herself to sleep last night.
Even though I am upset, I wish I could take all her pain and sadness away and I would suffer it myself for her.
I just want to wrap her in my love and care and make it all okay for her.
We sleep in the same bed at night. I don't want her to be on her own and I don't want to be alone either.
I feel like such a bad person.
I know we all have a past, but is it my fault I made my daughters daddy leave?
I keep raking over the past rows we had. My drinking behaviour in the past.
Does it really matter if he could not provide financially? Does it matter he never took holidays with us?
How do you ever switch the thoughts off in your head?
When does it get better?
It will be a week on saturday since he went.
It feels like months and months ago.
I know I need to swim, but at the moment I feel like I am sinking xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
The things is I don't want other doors to open.
I can never envisage having another relationship again.
I don't want to either.
I just want my daughter to not hate me, or not love me anymore because I couldn't make her daddy be happy and stay home everyday with us.
I thought it was painful the fist time he left, but this feels so much worse.
xx
I can never envisage having another relationship again.
I don't want to either.
I just want my daughter to not hate me, or not love me anymore because I couldn't make her daddy be happy and stay home everyday with us.
I thought it was painful the fist time he left, but this feels so much worse.
xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Medina, Ohio
Posts: 372
Hi,
I'm sorry for the pain you are in, I know it is hard now but I assure you it will get better. Nobody can make anyone happy, the problem lies with the Father. I was married for 22 years and when she left me I was right where you are now. It will get better, just do your best each day, one day at a time.
I'm sorry for the pain you are in, I know it is hard now but I assure you it will get better. Nobody can make anyone happy, the problem lies with the Father. I was married for 22 years and when she left me I was right where you are now. It will get better, just do your best each day, one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Hey Sasha,
My parents divorced when I was little. So I just want to tell you I never hated either of them for it. They both made it clear they still loved me and that was what was important. It didn't matter to me that they weren't together. That was their decision and I'm glad they did what they needed to in order to be happy in their own lives. I don't think your daughter will hate you at all. Kids are pretty smart an I expect as your daughter gets older she will see really see what sort of people you and her dad are and probably blame him if anything.
Also, you're setting a role model for her. When she grows up, would you want her to feel that she had to stick in a bad relationship because of the kid(s)? Or would you want her to feel that it was ok to leave if it wasn't working?
The important thing isn't your relationship with her dad. The important thing is your relationship with your daughter. Hopefully he'll do the right thing and continue to be there for your daughter, but his relationship with her is beyond your control.
I do think it's best to be honest with her about what is going on so that she knows what to expect. It may seem easier not to tell her, but in the long run, it will just drag things out and leave her waiting for him to 'get home from work' and be confused when that never happens. No need to give her too many details, just something like 'Mommy and daddy aren't getting along and don't want to live together anymore but we both love you very much and daddy will still come to see you.'
I admire that my parents were always honest with me about things.
Hugs to you during this difficult time.
My parents divorced when I was little. So I just want to tell you I never hated either of them for it. They both made it clear they still loved me and that was what was important. It didn't matter to me that they weren't together. That was their decision and I'm glad they did what they needed to in order to be happy in their own lives. I don't think your daughter will hate you at all. Kids are pretty smart an I expect as your daughter gets older she will see really see what sort of people you and her dad are and probably blame him if anything.
Also, you're setting a role model for her. When she grows up, would you want her to feel that she had to stick in a bad relationship because of the kid(s)? Or would you want her to feel that it was ok to leave if it wasn't working?
The important thing isn't your relationship with her dad. The important thing is your relationship with your daughter. Hopefully he'll do the right thing and continue to be there for your daughter, but his relationship with her is beyond your control.
I do think it's best to be honest with her about what is going on so that she knows what to expect. It may seem easier not to tell her, but in the long run, it will just drag things out and leave her waiting for him to 'get home from work' and be confused when that never happens. No need to give her too many details, just something like 'Mommy and daddy aren't getting along and don't want to live together anymore but we both love you very much and daddy will still come to see you.'
I admire that my parents were always honest with me about things.
Hugs to you during this difficult time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Oh Sasha my friend, sorry I've only just come across this thread of yours.
Well if I were you I would feel very proud indeed. Proud that you are being such a strong and steady influence on your little girl. It is you that is providing the emotional security for her, the cuddles at bedtime, the reassurance, the constant love and care. It is you that has provided the financial security and the holidays that have already given her happy memories, and you who is there for her in her future.
There is honestly nothing else that a child needs to grow up other than love. And you are giving her bucket loads.
I do not have experience to share with you...only to say that I grew up with 2 parents...and i can honestly say if I'd had only my Mum, my childhood would have been immeasurably better.
I think you are remarkable...and she is a very lucky little girl indeed. Wipe her tears for her Daddy. She will survive that...she has you xxx
Well if I were you I would feel very proud indeed. Proud that you are being such a strong and steady influence on your little girl. It is you that is providing the emotional security for her, the cuddles at bedtime, the reassurance, the constant love and care. It is you that has provided the financial security and the holidays that have already given her happy memories, and you who is there for her in her future.
There is honestly nothing else that a child needs to grow up other than love. And you are giving her bucket loads.
I do not have experience to share with you...only to say that I grew up with 2 parents...and i can honestly say if I'd had only my Mum, my childhood would have been immeasurably better.
I think you are remarkable...and she is a very lucky little girl indeed. Wipe her tears for her Daddy. She will survive that...she has you xxx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Sasha, hope you are feeling better and stronger.
I hope that you will soon realize it is NOT YOU...it's HIM that screwed up the relationship..
everyone has fights and we are human, we make mistakes...you didn't cheat, lie and bring another person into the house HE DID IT...he doesn't "care" about his daughter or have ANY respect, he would like to take all of the acts, wrap them in a ribbon and lay that on YOU....so he can feel better about himself.
but the fact is that HE DID IT....not you HIM. You are sober, a good parent and this ball of mucus is slime-ing you. don't let him fool you. HE screwed up the relationship. may he realize that one day and spend time trying to make it up to HIS child and be a decent parent? nope, he is too concerned with his current relationship...and we know he will do it again to her.
I hope that you will soon realize it is NOT YOU...it's HIM that screwed up the relationship..
everyone has fights and we are human, we make mistakes...you didn't cheat, lie and bring another person into the house HE DID IT...he doesn't "care" about his daughter or have ANY respect, he would like to take all of the acts, wrap them in a ribbon and lay that on YOU....so he can feel better about himself.
but the fact is that HE DID IT....not you HIM. You are sober, a good parent and this ball of mucus is slime-ing you. don't let him fool you. HE screwed up the relationship. may he realize that one day and spend time trying to make it up to HIS child and be a decent parent? nope, he is too concerned with his current relationship...and we know he will do it again to her.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Sasha, being a mother is often a guilt-ridden job. I think most Moms feel like they haven't done enough, or done the right things. All we can do, is to do the best we can. Your daughter knows you love her and you'll just have to wait and see what kind of a relationship she develops with her Dad.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Sasha4 
And I have this need in me that I have to make this up to her and that I need to do it for the rest of my life. Because she never, ever deserved any of this. xx
Out there somewhere is someone who will cherish you and treat you like gold. And you know why? Because you deserve it. He just hasn't found his treasure yet
.Be strong! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Thinking of you Sasha xxx
I agree, you don't deserve this either. It is your husband who will/should have to live with the guilt. You have done nothing wrong. Feel secure in the knowledge that you havr done all you can for both you and your daughter x
I agree, you don't deserve this either. It is your husband who will/should have to live with the guilt. You have done nothing wrong. Feel secure in the knowledge that you havr done all you can for both you and your daughter x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Thinking of you Sasha xxx
I agree, you don't deserve this either. It is your husband who will/should have to live with the guilt. You have done nothing wrong. Feel secure in the knowledge that you have done all you can for both you and your daughter x
I agree, you don't deserve this either. It is your husband who will/should have to live with the guilt. You have done nothing wrong. Feel secure in the knowledge that you have done all you can for both you and your daughter x
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
