Fishy

So the silly season is upon us and unfortunately where I live has a strong drinking culture.

Next week is the work Christmas party. They have hired out a pub and it is an open tab. As soon as I got invited, I declined. Nobody at my work knows I have had trouble with alcohol and I do not want to tell them. Usually just declining an invitation would be enough but now I am having everyone try to push me to come as it is a party and there will be softdrinks and food and they want ti know me better outside work.

So now I feel guilty about lying to people about why I don't want to go, guilty I am letting people down including my boss but I know I have to not go as I would drink there.

ReadyAtLast

It is indeed silly season

I think you 're making the right decision-putting yourself and your needs first is a good thing. Listening to your inner voice is great. Be proud of yourself.

You're not letting anyone down-you'd be letting yourself down going to an alcohol fuelled event when you don't feel strong enough.

Anna

Try to remember that you are not on the defensive.

You do not owe your co-workers an explanation beyond 'No, thanks, I can't come.'

Dee74

I can think of many work parties I wish I hadn't gone to.

You're doing the right thing Fishy - all people need to know is no thanks.

D

Kaneda8888

Fishy

You have done the right thing by declining to attend. Those functions are usually a complete drinkfest and many people will get drunk. It is very tough especially in early sobriety. Can you simply say that you have another function to attend especially if it is family oriented ? You may feel guilty about not being truthful but that is far better than relapsing and its consequences. In any case, most folks wont remember once they are at the function and are drinking !

Protecting your sobriety is paramount ! I am sure there will be other occasions where you can bond with your colleagues.

Hevyn

Good for you Fishy - a very wise decision. There's no point in being tempted like that - you come first.

Lenina

You can gracefully decline as you have other obligations. And you do! You have an obligation to yourself to protect your sobriety. If pressed, just tell them it's rather personal and you'd rather not discuss it at this time. You can stay friendly, maybe send a contribution the party, like a catered tray of canapés or other treats with a friendly card.

Good for you for taking care of you!

Love from Lenina

Leana

I had a similar issue and offended people by refusing to attend the office party my first year sober. I just let it go, the following year I felt strong enough to attend only to be harassed about why I didn't want a drink. I swear not drinking at a Christmas party is almost worse than getting drunk and making a scene.

One good thing with the strict DUI laws, the next year, our office stopped serving alcohol at any work function. I've attended ever since....and usually have a lousy time!!

MWL1983

Fishy,

I am not a pillar of sobriety, but faced a similar situation a few weeks back. A co-worker bought beer to celebrate his completing of a project and to thank us, his colleagues, for helping him with it. He asked everyone what they wanted and my response was "Diet Coke".

I was later asked: "do you drink?"
Me (holding up my diet coke): "I do drink, Diet Coke. Last I checked it was a beverage."
Coworker: "But you don't drink alcohol?"
Me: "Nope"

It wasn't awkward and I don't think they cared. It worked out well since my required attendance at a work conference was accompanied with free drink tickets that I donated to my colleagues.